To think cousin has no self respect

[Glowwormsrockp]

My cousin is throwing a huge 10 year anniversary party this July. I don't understand why as she's never been happy with her dh and during lockdown he lied to her, took money stealthily (they struggle financially so it's not like it's something he could afford) and spent it on Class A drugs, has lied in the past, as some examples. I've tried to broach the subject with her but her immediate reaction is anger. So I've dropped it now.
Aibu to think there's no logic to her thinking? Why flaunt something she is unhappy in? Why make it into a massive party? I don't understand? Aibu in my thinking?

I think you have done all you can.

Sadly, you just need to leave her to get on with it. She will make the necessary changes if and when she is ready, not before.

@WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone thanks 🙏

@Glowwormsrockp
You’re welcome. It’s so frustrating; I know.

Yea very as we always thought this latest would be the final straw grrr

AND thanks for not dissing me like a lot of mn

No, not offended - it’s just that you’re coming across as a bit of a cow and a tad spiteful

Shame your cousin can't say the same to you, ay?

Her life. Doesn't sound like she gets many opportunities to be happy so leave her alone and mind your own business.

Ooooh

Everyone on here complaining like no one else has ever judged anyone before? Plus I want what's best for her, and what's best for her would be to leave him. He's a loser. He didn't care about his financially struggling family as he chose to take class A drugs. And that's only one of many things he's done but that aside it doesn't matter as she's unhappy!

I always feel really disheartened when I read about men who fuck up and commit crimes, but the OP is about how his poor female OH is behaving.

Women don’t realise the power of internalised misogyny.

You're the one who's unhappy OP and you've made that quite clear with your multiple threads on this subject.

Life is too short to keep banging the same drum over and over again on an internet forum, even if you do keep changing the details slightly.

Find something else to occupy your mind. This obsession of yours is very unhealthy and doing you no good at all.

But it doesn’t seem you wants what best for her.

You aren’t asking what you can do to get through to her. You moan that she didn’t tell you everything. Or judge her and get annoyed that she is having a party.

People do privately judge. They don’t keep posting about people they care about, attempting get other people to jump and judge them too.

You want peoples opinions. As you say, people can speak (type) freely and comment on your posts as they wish. The only consideration they need to have is MNs posting rules.

Oh come off it OP. You don't give a flying f#@# about her, as demonstrated by calling her "angry", "irresponsible", "silly" and starting a whole multiple threads about her "lack of self respect". You're just being bitchy and looking for minions to agree with you and share your hate towards your cousin.

True but people seem to be sanctimonious and rather than say yea she should leave him are turning it around on me for judging her when I only want the best.

@worraliberty
im not this person who you say has posted before! This is very strange.

@Wovenwonder so what if I say that. It's true. Doesn't mean I don't care.

In the same way I could say my mum is irresponsible for xyzzy or annoying or whatever and it doesn't mean I don't care for her 🤷‍♀️

Your tone makes it very clear thatis not the case. As worraliberty said, it's an unhealthy obsession.

Its pretty unreasonable when a woman has been treated appalling to make her the focus of your irritation. The woman sounds like she been dealt a very poor hand and is playing it the best way she knows how. If that means throwing a party for whatever reason, because she'll enjoy it, then I wouldn't begrudge her that pleasure in what sounds like a tough life.
Yes, in an ideal world women wouldn't feel they needed to put up with this type of thing. But millions of us do, for various reasons, and the judgement and criticism of other women has never once helped make any of our lives better.

YABU.
your poor cousin.

It's an excuse for a party maybe? Just go and have fun.

Haha ^

any excuse for a party?
pity party?
chance to see friends and relatives and have a knees up?

Ha

How does maiming she is having a party, show that you just want what’s best for her?