To think cousin has no self respect

[Glowwormsrockp]

My cousin is throwing a huge 10 year anniversary party this July. I don't understand why as she's never been happy with her dh and during lockdown he lied to her, took money stealthily (they struggle financially so it's not like it's something he could afford) and spent it on Class A drugs, has lied in the past, as some examples. I've tried to broach the subject with her but her immediate reaction is anger. So I've dropped it now.
Aibu to think there's no logic to her thinking? Why flaunt something she is unhappy in? Why make it into a massive party? I don't understand? Aibu in my thinking?

No one is offended. I just think its odd to be so concerned about the party rather than - can I help her see how bad her relationship is. And then to post about it online. If you want to have a party just have one OP.

Do you actually speak to this cousin of yours? I can't imagine her sharing details of her life with you if you bitch about her behind her back like this.

Either way, go NC. She deserves better than you.

Definitely

At least there seem to be a few sensible responses on here still

Why be so negative about someone else's life, its none of your business. Life is hard enough for folk without nasty negative people sitting gossiping about and seeming to take a bit of delight in other people's problems. If you've got some bee in your bonnet about the party then don't go.

I was thinking the same thing?!

Isn’t this the one where the OP isn’t actually speaking about a cousin but instead talking about herself? I’m sure I’m not mistaken as it was discovered in one of your many threads that you’re the one that’s actually in this situation and not your cousin.

If so, please leave this man. He really isn’t doing you any favours

Is this a fact though? Had this came from her actual mouth? My DM told my family that my husband was a gambler who had destroyed our finances and our family. Generally making up stories and feeding them weekly. It’s all lies of course but they still believe it.

Yes it's a fact

Just don't go, and stop devoting mental energy to it.

She's desperate for him to publically declare his love for her. To wallpaper over the fact that in private, he's a shit. Common theme in vow-renewal type parties.

I think that the drug taking and stealing money would be a deal breaker for me, but if someone else was just getting on with it and able to forgive and stay with that person I would not really question it. People have all manner of reasons for keeping a relationship going even if it's clear they are not happy or shit things are going on ( I know someone like this , but her partner certainly doesn't do any of these things, she just isn't happy with him)
Maybe she is throwing the party for herself more than him ? Just putting on a show ?
It would baffle me, but people can be strange or have many reasons for doing things I couldn't.

It's none of your business

You can think whatever you like (although bear in mind you will never know the absolute truth from all sides) but you don't need to actually say anything at all - it's blatantly obvious it would be hurtful so have some consideration

It's not about you, take off your higher than thou judgy pants and butt out

Yes I think I remember one of the many threads turning out to be the OP talking about herself?

The occasion changes too. Sometimes it's a birthday party.

Doesn't the relative change too? Sometimes cousin/friend/sister?

Honestly unsure whether the poster is a troll or seriously mentally unwell.

I was going to post something thoughtful about how you might be struggling yourself and therefore judge your cousin more harshly to make yourself feel better, but then you said about snowflakes and you entirely lost me. I cannot stand how some people use that phrase to defend their own poor behaviour, we’ve literally gone from “be kind” to “bunch of snowflakes”. Don’t be so horrible, it makes you come across terrible. Yes I’m entitled to my opinion too.

YANBU. What exactly does she expect all her guests to celebrate about?

Good good

"Oh I forgot everyone gets offended these days in this snowflakey country we live in."

🙄

Its called being considerate and making the world a better, more comfortable place to be in. Or, not being a jerk.

All these posters saying I'm someone else, are you sure you're not unwell?

@DogsAndGin exactly! 👏🏼

Yes! Exactly that. It’s all so bizzare

We're not the ones making up multiple threads just to bitch about our cousin/friend/sister though are we?

Says the snowflake wringing their hands about someone else's party that doesn't affect their life at all.

I don't know who you're talking about here!

You are very judgemental this isn’t the first time you’ve posted about them, why don’t you leave her alone it’s not your business! Why is it bothering you! I wonder what she would think about you posting on a public forum about their lives