To think cousin has no self respect

[Glowwormsrockp]

My cousin is throwing a huge 10 year anniversary party this July. I don't understand why as she's never been happy with her dh and during lockdown he lied to her, took money stealthily (they struggle financially so it's not like it's something he could afford) and spent it on Class A drugs, has lied in the past, as some examples. I've tried to broach the subject with her but her immediate reaction is anger. So I've dropped it now.
Aibu to think there's no logic to her thinking? Why flaunt something she is unhappy in? Why make it into a massive party? I don't understand? Aibu in my thinking?

This is weird. Clearly got me confused with someone else.

Why are you more concerned about her having a party than any the fact that she's living an utterly miserable life?

Well this just makes you sound like a arsehole.

Anyway, why do you give a shite about your cousin's party?

I know someone who posts photos on facebook every time she goes out for a drink, or takes her children to a park, holiday snaps by the dozen, all very photoshopped, and carefully taken with her posing and smiling, and her husband and children not always looking happy but she is always there fully made up and botoxed with a cheesy smile.

This is not a young person by any means.. she is early forties.
We are convinced it is deliberate to show her estranged parent what a fab life she is having when she really is not. Very sad, because it is all so transparent

Yep exactly @Bunty55

But that is her problem and nobody else's. When people are hurting they do things like this and do not realise how daft they look. However, it's not up to you or anyone else to say a word.
All you can do is be supportive and have her back

That cousin's DP sounds terrible, acting badly, causing the OP's cousin to post things and arrange parties of which the OP disapproves and occupying the OP's headspace. It would presumably be much better if they had a public announcement that the relationship is a sham and the cousin delivered a sincere apology to the OP.

And weirdly over-invested in your cousin’s marriage. Are you after her husband or something? Why does it matter to you if she wants to throw a party?

🤣🤣🤣

Give it up op, her choice nothing to do with you. Moan about it as much as you want on here but it doesn't change anything, it's her life and business, not yours, mine or anyone else on mn.

OP you're pathetic.

@danni92 so are you

Gloss

Lip

I just think she's silly and irresponsible. I'm allowed to speak freely. Oh I forgot everyone gets offended these days in this snowflakey country we live in.

There appears to be only one person acting offended one “snowflakey” here.

It is none of your business, just don’t go if it bothers you so much.

Have you spoken to your Cousin at all about her awful H?
Have you offered her support, care, helpful advice and your home should your Cousin ever have the need to stay with you once she leaves him?

@WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone If I ever mention anything she gets angry

Give her some leaflets and web links re. DV and coercive control.

Do they have any children living at home with them?

Yes 4

@WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone I think she's glossing over it and in denial and gets angry when the subject is broached

What do your other relatives think about their situation?
Do any of them agree with your stance?

Does your Cousin and/or her H work?

They do but have given up on trying to advise her on leaving him.
yes they both work.

While I agree that there are more important issues in this marriage than whether or not the cousin should be having the party, in terms of the question the OP raises about
why the cousin thinks the party
is warranted, I’m afraid that, even in this day and age, there are still women out there who think that the be all and end all of their lives is to get and hold on to a man - any
man, good, bad or indifferent. This may be one of these cases.

(They've had issues loft years and had tried counselling and then the drugs happened after that)

@Clarinet1 quite possibly yes