To have had no time alone with DH since DS was born?

[Blackbirdsandsparrows]

It actually came as a bit of a surprise yesterday but I realised DH and I have had no ‘alone time’ since having DS. It feels like we have but really it’s just been when he’s asleep (he is 18 months.)

How usual is this? Really hoping we might be able to go out to lunch a couple of times this summer when he’s got time in nursery.

Its often difficult to carve time together when you have a baby.I doubt you are the only one! Lunch while he is at Nursery sounds a good idea.Can you also get a Babysitter for an evening? Maybe a friend with DC similar age, and then babysit for them in return .Or somewhere like Sitters or an agency maybe .Its nice to have a break from LO and you need time together as well!

Not unusual if you’ve not got anyone to baby sit.

We rarely have/had any time alone and my kids are tweens. We have no family or help so only rarely happens if I book a babysitter.

We started leaving DD with grandparents once a month from 3 months old for date night. We have always had at least 1 evening/night to ourselves a month since DD was born, now she is older she'll go to our friends as well.

But DD also started at nursery at 9 months old so whenever we have booked a week off work but staying at home, we would always still send DD in and then go off and do some grown up activities on our own!

Totally absolutely bog standard normal. Either have children or at work.

If you want time alone then need to book a babysitter. So just have to decide if its worth £50 babysitter fee.

Same for us, DS is almost 3.5.

As you say, it often doesn't feel that way, because we both WFH and DS is at nursery, so it feels like we have time together without him, although it's never "quality" time, because we're working.

£50? Is that the going-rate for babysitters? I’m not sure how I’d feel - we don’t really know anyone who would be in a position to babysit.

I suppose I am wondering as most of our friends do seem to have had a few ‘date nights’ - not loads but a few. We even had DS with us on our wedding night!

Ask your friends who they use for a babysitter ?

Minimum wage is £9.50 so for a full night out 7-12 it's basically £50. A shorter evening is less.

They use family.

Well if you don't have any family to ask, thousands of people don't, then you need a babysitter.

Thousand of people do have family who do childcare and don't need to pay, therefore will have more nights out.

My eldest is 8 years old. My husband and I have had 2 meals and 2 nights away together in that time. So we get an average of one date night every two years! We live away from family, have 3 dc and can't justify the cost of babysitters.

I can work that out thanks @Dishwashersaurous

@Notdoingthis - not at £50 a time! Also not sure how comfortable I’d feel about it, I was (am) an older mum so when some friends’ children are teens it may be possible to ask them.

Ask teenagers.
Ask at the local college if it does courses in childcare etc - they'll have students who want experience
Ask at your local GG groups.
Look on local FB sites for babysitting circles you could join
Ask other parents at nursery

Sorry - I know it’s possible to find babysitters, just not really comfortable in one I don’t know at all at this stage.

I think that’s your only choice though, if you don’t have family. Was the same for us. Things get easier if in school or nursery as you can book a day off together and go out for lunch?

Yes, that’s what we’ll do in the summer I think. I have the summer off anyway and DH is fairly flexible so can take a couple of hours.

Not sure what the point of your question then tbh!!
People get alone time with DH by getting a babysitter (family or local teen). You've quite obviously worked that out already (as you said upthread quite sarcastically to a pp) that you know how to find a babysitter...... so you obviously know what you need to do if you want to get alone time!

You use companies like Sitters if you don’t have friends or family who will babysit.

Normal. Try having 4 kids.

@user1496146479 - I was just wondering how many others were like us, I don’t think it was a particularly contentious question.

We book a midweek day off together once every couple of months and the kids still go to school/nursery. I’ve also now found out that the nursery staff do offer babysitting too so we may manage an evening or 2 a year now also

And to be clear I wasn’t being sarcastic at all and I am very sorry if it came across like that. I just didn’t want posters to be trying to help when that wasn’t really what I was about!

It's very normal. I also wouldn't use a random babysitter as I remember hating being left as a child with people I didn't know well.

When the kids get older they occasionally go on sleep overs with friends. But if you have multiple kids this is rarely at the same time.....but you might be able to engineer that.

We have 3 kids and whilst mmy parents have occasionally babysat I didn't like leaving them with 3 little ones when the kids were young and now the kids are older so are my parents so I still don't like to leave them with 3....

...if you're not comfortable having someone you don't know, then get to know someone! I was in the position of having to leave DD with someone when she was 2. We got the number of a local teen from a friend and over the course of the week before, had her over for dinner and mini-playdates so DD got used to her. Then left her with the babysitter for 9 hours and bedtime. Cost me £100 but went really well.