To have had no time alone with DH since DS was born?

[Blackbirdsandsparrows]

It actually came as a bit of a surprise yesterday but I realised DH and I have had no ‘alone time’ since having DS. It feels like we have but really it’s just been when he’s asleep (he is 18 months.)

How usual is this? Really hoping we might be able to go out to lunch a couple of times this summer when he’s got time in nursery.

What on earth do you expect with 4?!

Did I say I expected a break?! This isn’t my post and I wasn’t complaining I was saying the op would have known that she had no one to have them like I know?! I wasn’t complaining so read my post properly, if you have no one to have your kids you won’t get a break, literally what I was saying!

You do get a bit of a break anyway, @PumpkinsandKittens - yours are a little older and at school.

I am not suggesting having four alone isn’t extremely difficult, but there is a bit of time in the day.

Come September I won’t get any break as dd will be homeschooled! And I’m a lone parent, at least you have a partner...

you will get a break when yours goes nursery/ school

Already at nursery while I work!

It isn’t a tit for tat thread: do you see how exasperating it is when people do this?

Your life is undeniably tough. I don’t think mine is, especially, but then I didn’t claim it was.

I’m purely pointing out that it’s normal, that’s what you asked, you asked if it’s normal, even if I had a partner he would be working during the school day anyway so we wouldn’t have time together then. Your thread was asking if it’s normal to not have any time together once you have kids and yes it is very normal unless you have helpful family. Lots don’t have that though.

And some people find ways around that and some can’t, or don’t want to. Hence we have a discussion.

When my 2nd child was born mil said dp and I should go out for a meal and she would have Ds. We never got around to arranging this and Ds is now 4 ,and,I've just had another 3 weeks ago😁. Maybe when youngest has left home we might get that time together

My child is almost 2. Since he was born me and my partner have gone out for dinner twice - both times while visiting my parents who live far from us. We were out for only about 2-3 hours on each occasion, at a restaurant within walking distance of my parents house. That's it, no other time alone in 2 years. I think that's the reality for most people with no family nearby.

@Trixiefirecracker
Exactly!! I have four children, I love them, but still really enjoy a night away every so often.

Family doesn't mean spending every moment together!!

I'm not sure how normal it is, in my social circles most people seem to have a lot of babysitting on tap!!!

But we were in the same position. We used to book two days annual leave a year to have a date day whilst DD was at nursery. So our first was when she was 9 months old once she started nursery actually just before I went back to work. One again in the winter when she was about 18 months and so on. Our last one was in late September, I was due DC2 early Oct. He's 7 months and he is due to start nursery at 11 months. That will be the earliest we can have a date day, so we won't have had one for at least 12 months. and for various reasons I may end up being a SAHM in which case he probably won't go to nursery after all as it's so expensive...so God knows when we will ever get some time alone in that case. Nobody offers to babysit for us unfortunately.

Family doesn't mean spending every moment together!!

Unless you are single with no family support and can't afford any evening childcare. You are lucky to have this opinion!

There's a difference between wanting a night away and being able to do it. My eldest is 14, we've had 2 nights away from the DC since she was born, the second one was last year for DHs 50th when we were staying with DM and she offered to babysit overnight (first time she has ever offered). With no family close by there's no-one to look after the DC. Keep telling my eldest we're going to celebrate her 16th birthday by getting her to babysit for us!

one of the benefits of having a DP is that you can go out without each other - I've been to plenty of fancy places and so has he, and that satiates our desire for going out, and we know the baby is looked after properly.

That's how we did it initially OP - didn't have couple time but had social time and then enjoyed time as a couple at home or during the day while child in nursery. Frankly that's what we still mostly do.

@JaninaDuszejko - could you and friends not take it in turns to babysit for each other or ask the older teenagers of friends?

I like how people spend months selecting the right childcare and then suggest dumping a child on a teenager for a night out. I think it's unfair on both children. There is no way the 16-18year olds I know would be able to deal with an emergency with my toddler. I suppose it's fine if you have a child who diligently pops off to bed at 6 and never wakes.

With DD in nursery used to book a days leave and we'd see where we could go between 8-6. Try to do it 3-4 times a year.

It's completely different with an 18m old vs, say, a 4 year old too.