To have had no time alone with DH since DS was born?

[Blackbirdsandsparrows]

It actually came as a bit of a surprise yesterday but I realised DH and I have had no ‘alone time’ since having DS. It feels like we have but really it’s just been when he’s asleep (he is 18 months.)

How usual is this? Really hoping we might be able to go out to lunch a couple of times this summer when he’s got time in nursery.

It’s the MN chicken, of course!

Our nursery didn't mind us asking the nursery staff if they wanted to do some babysitting on the side. Nothing to do with nursery really as is private arrangement, but some nurseries can get a bit funny. Extra cash for nursery staff, knew they were OK with babies, and someone your child already knows.

DS is coming up to 18 months, we’ve had one day out while he’s been at nursery & half an hour where we had to run an errand.

We have no family nearby, although we do have friends that would love the chance to babysit. Part of our issue is that we’re too knackered to put him to bed and then get all dolled up!

We’re having family stay for an extended period of time soon, so should hopefully get more time for us.

I think asking a 15 year old to manage her sisters meltdowns and look after a toddler might be a bit much.
Thing is people are all different. I don't really mind not going out so lack of childcare isn't a problem but obviously others do want time out and that's where problems can happen.

Totally normal. We went for years before we had time without children.

You have a child, you're a family of three now, not just a couple. We've never spent a night away without our children and never would, that's what being a family means!

Are you for real? For thousands of people that's all they actually have. I've had times when I've had 19 for the week 🤷🏼‍♀️

@User3568975431146

Eh?! You never would?! Why on earth not? What about for a big event like a wedding or hen do or night away with friends or dirty weekend with DH or to stay with a relative etc etc wherein you’d need to be parted for an evening. Do you just not go? Why deprive yourself the opportunity to enjoyed yourself?

what if the kids grandparents would like them to stay over night at theirs?

Being a family doesn’t mean being in each other’s prescience every single day for years and years, that’s suffocating! Not to mention the fact that your relationship with their father could well suffer

'Active parent' I've heard it all now 🤣

Those who are saying they never go out and it’s ok they don’t mind….

don’t you miss the chance to get dressed up, go for a lovely meal and drinks with your husband who will have also made the effort to look nice, enjoy each other’s company without a child there to tend to, adults only environment enjoying the buzz of a Friday or Saturday night and the atmosphere, etc etc.

Who doesn’t love that every so oft?

I’ve always been very clear that I if I have to completely give that up I ain’t having kids! I’m not going to work and working my ass off to have no luxuries and treats for myself, that’s no way to live life - life’s too short

Not normal in my friend group, but we all have close families that can babysit and others unfortunately don't have that luxury. And like some other posters have said we book annual leave and send the kid to nursery so we can do what we want!

I haven’t mentioned a night away, although I know people who do happily enough and it is hardly any cause for upset for anybody, if the children are left with extended family. I don’t think I’d make a habit of it but the odd night for a really special occasion wouldn’t be something I’d see as problematic.

We’ve had about 4 nights out in 7 years, 1 x 1 night away and 1 x 2 nights away.

usually the only time we get alone together is when the kids are asleep, or if we both take a day off when they’re in
school & nursery.

we only have a couple of people who we could ask to babysit and don’t want to ask too often. We just bank on it getting a bit easier the older they get really. It was a shock to the system at first but now it’s just normal.

No one to babysit? No local nursery that has staff that are happy to earn a bit or mature teen (I used the teenage daughter of our school's vicar)?
I'd try and find someone as your relationship with your partner is paramount. It's all to easy to get bogged down in kids stuff and lose the adult connection.

I'd say normal. Our only alone time is when DC have gone to bed (so between 8pm and 10pm when we conk out as they're up at 5/5:30 most days). We generally need to work during that time to catch up on having to do school runs etc so our actual time together not working is negligible.

Seriously op? I'm surprised that you would think this is anything other than normal. My ds is 6 and we only have time together if ds is at a playdate or party. We have never felt comfortable to leave him with sitters, so we never go out out just dh and I. I think millions of people are in the same boat.

It's not a contentious question, but a pointless given that any suggestions from posters you just ignore

OP sounds likes DS is starting nursery soon? It's likely that some of the staff looking after him will do babysitting - so a chance to hire someone that DS is familiar with.

i breastfed all of mine until a year old and had 3 fairly close together so there was a long period we always had 1 child with us maybe bar the odd hour hear and there if we were visiting family. As they gotpast the baby stage they would go to MILs in Devon for a week in the summer - me and DH would have a week of working but then had evenings to chill/go out etc.

This with bells!!

Never???

@user1496146479 - but it was a discussion thread, not a ‘give me advice’ thread.

I’m not sure that is ‘what family means’, it’s fine to want a break from your children, in fact I would say it’s healthy for everyone involved.

I don’t believe anyone who says they don’t crave a night away from the kids from time to time.

I don’t know that I do. I don’t intrinsically need to be away from DS - I’d love a full nights sleep, but if I could reliably put him to bed at 7 and know he’ll sleep I’d be fine with that.

However there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do something adult that the kids would find boring or just wouldn’t be appropriate for them.