To not want a career?

[Holl90]

Anybody else feel the same? I’m happy as I am in my job and don’t really want to progress or want a career? I feel like I should want it though?

But you're wrong. I am on under 30k and have a mortgage and 2 kids. I would be perfectly able to do it without my DPs wages or benefits.

One of my best friends is the same as and manages fine. She never even got regular money from the children's father.

She did buy her house probably 18 or more years ago though and I do worry for the younger generation.

Hopefully my child will have a career but not everyone is able to earn big money for one reason or another.

Did you miss all the posts about how low mortgages can be in some areas of the country?

What is actually classed as a career by the way? Maybe I do have one? I have a job with prospects, am able to work my way up if needs be? In that case don’t I have a career?

Stalking a little bit - Iwonder08 I've seen on one of your threads that you live in London and have looked into private schooling. Someone who doesn't live in London and can pay for private schooling can still live a nice life on a lower salary.

My DH earns a lot more than me but he has an expensive hobby and car. I could live a lot less expensively if we split. I don't think it will happen though. I have a career but it's not paid really well. I could go self employed and earn more.

Can't pay/doesn't want to pay for private schooling.

The thing is, we all take risks in life. I’m willing to sacrifice money for this time with my children and I know I won’t regret it. If I slogged now to keep a career to please not bloggs the director who doesn’t give a shit about me I know I would regret it..I think my DH will have some regrets.

if the shit hits the fan…I’m not completely oblivious and am aware this can happen, I will do my damn hardest to climb the ladder, retrain etc.

When my youngest starts school next year I will probably end up pushing myself again work wise. Right now I don’t want it? Is that so bad?

YANBU at all, different horses for different courses.

I used to have a career, now I have a job and I am far happier than I was pre-DC when all my career gave me was total burnout.

I used to spend what felt like every minute thinking about work, taking calls & emails on a weekend. Now I work 3 days 9-5 log off and never hear anything until my next day at work; so much better for my mental health.

@Iwonder08 you live in London so you would get almost £50k for the same thing I do?

So if you know you won’t regret it, then how could you be unreasonable. You are happy, your dh is happy, you know you won’t regret it and know the possible downsides, but happy to accept that.

I am not convinced by your assertion that your dh will regret anything though. I have always worked full time and my oldest is now an adult. I absolutely don’t regret any of it.

@Andromachehadabadday may I ask if you have a career or a job?

Posted in the wrong thread before:

YANBU. I am the same, it's just too much stress for me. I am fully aware though that I rely on my husband a lot, but he loves making a career and we are happy like this. I love taking care of the house, of him, I just like being the "homemaker". I do have education, so when there's a need I can always jump on career wagon to increase my earnings etc. At the moment I am happy with my stress free office job.

A career. Mainly. Some people would have classed it as a ‘job’ at times as I started in call centres in the phones and worked my way up from there.

I think the difference between a career and a job is how you view it. Most jobs could be a career. And most careers could also be a job.

I was in the rat race until I had children and now I don't see work as a priority especially the older I get.
No one on their death bed ever said I wish I'd worked harder.
If anything happens to dh I could get by I'm not particularly materialistic and prefer to spend time with my family more than have a bigger car and expensive possessions.
Even now dc grown up I'm happier enjoying my freedom.
We sell our time and in exchange we get stress and exhaustion. I'd rather keep my time so I work part time in a low stress job and spend a bit less money on crap I didn't need.

I don't want the pressure of a career. As long as I'm paid at the end of the month, I'm happy.

Just arrived here after years of striving. Fed up of the toxic, sharp elbow, dog eat dog culture. Want to work in an environment with people who are friendly and want to team. Don't care how much I earn or what status I have as long as I'm financially comfortable.

I think this just comes down to personality types, I’m very much a nurturer and love every second being with my kids so to me it’s worth the risk, some people are very career focused and that is ok too. Slaying each other for it is not the answer, both choices are completely valid and doesn’t make one person better/smarter than the other.

This is something I have been musing on recently. I have ‘a career’. DP has ‘a job’. I earn just over twice his salary. He leaves his work in his workplace, I bring mine home. We both have stress to manage in the workplace but most people do. I have been thinking lately about downsizing what I do for a living. I could do a job like my DP’s - much less stress, less headspace, fewer difficult decisions. But also less money. If I earned the same as he does, we would manage but we would not be able to do much of what we enjoy in life - no holidays, eating out, going to concerts. And the DC’s extracurricular activities would have to stop.

I often read on here the line that on their deathbeds nobody regrets not working hard enough. That’s probably true. But if working hard enables all the other things in life, the travel, the activities, seeing your children happy and fulfilled then, yes, I can see how people might regret not being able to achieve that. I can also see how people might regret unfulfilled personal dreams and ambitions which ‘working hard’ might have enabled - either through earning enough money to make those things happen or the hard work leading to a sense of achievement, success in its own right.

each person will decide what is important to them though won’t they? It’s not down to another person to say that is right or wrong?

me personally I think a child would prefer a present and loving parent over materialistic things, another person may see that differently and that’s ok.

OP - I think making statements about a child preferring a present and loving parent over materialistic things is part of the problem because you are implying at a parent who has chosen ‘a career’ has also chosen not to be present for their children and to be unloving. If you are determined to present it as such a ridiculous binary then you can expect people to respond in a way which justifies their choices.

No one family is the same. If you are happy with the choices you have made for yours then you don’t need MN to justify them for you.

Well I will defend myself if somebody is stating things that aren’t true about, I have tried to be as nice as I can…I DO NOT rely on a man why is that so hard to believe?

its completely fine in my eyes if your career takes priority but it isn’t my priority and that is ok too.

Exactly.
OP you sound really insincere . if you’re so sure. Why post? Seems like you want to start a bunfight. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Much the same way nobody needs to prove anything to you. Even if every single person said ‘yeah career best’… why should you listen to them?

Also much of this thread has gone in your favour anyway.
A handful of posters make assumptions and you go after them but ignore the majority saying ‘do what you want’.

OP I feel like you are doing lots of digs at mums who have a "career" by saying how nurturing you are and how you can't not be with your children. Did you start this thread as a way to be snide to those mums? Do you feel the same about working dad's?