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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a career?

233 replies

Holl90 · 08/05/2022 08:34

Anybody else feel the same? I’m happy as I am in my job and don’t really want to progress or want a career? I feel like I should want it though?

OP posts:
Mischance · 08/05/2022 21:41

I have retired now but made the choice not to climb the greasy pole and finish up behind a desk pushing bits of paper around - I chose not to move up into management but to do the job I was trained for and did well.

I have never regretted it - I did more good for more people in my working life that way.

Kylereese · 08/05/2022 21:42

I have a “profession” (solicitor) but I’m no longer interested in progressing. I used to be, I used to want to climb the ladder and eventually be an equity partner. Now it just looks like a load of hassle for not much more rewards.

NRRK28 · 08/05/2022 22:17

I used to be a psychologist. Then i married successful man. Now i’m a stay home mum and i’m happy and i dont want to get back to work. If you satisfied with your life then why bother. Do why males you happy

Original poster
Holl90 · 08/05/2022 22:27

@NRRK28 I am sure somebody will be along soon to tell you to prepare yourself for when he runs off with the neighbour 🙄

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 08/05/2022 22:29

Holl90 · 08/05/2022 22:27

@NRRK28 I am sure somebody will be along soon to tell you to prepare yourself for when he runs off with the neighbour 🙄

That is the vibe I got from a lot of posts on this thread.
Women got to earn the most they can incase they end up single.

NRRK28 · 08/05/2022 22:33

@Holl90 why? My husband agree with me. He said i managed the house and the kids while he is working. For me being able to raise my kids and makes them into a good man is a hard job and very rewarding. Much more rewarding then my old jobs.

Original poster
Holl90 · 08/05/2022 22:39

I think it’s because some people assume we are forced to do it…but I absolutely love raising my children. If I could give up my job I absolutely would!

We are also led to believe that we should be financially independent…erroneous of the fact that our DH’s would struggle with the child care without us!

OP posts:
MangyInseam · 09/05/2022 02:29

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/05/2022 20:09

I just hate to see women vulnerable in divorce

I think we all do, but I also don't think it's helpful to assume that everyone needs to earn (x amount) to support themselves just because that's what you need to earn - it will worry people unnecessarily.

Ultimately, it's also just not plausible that in a society where two working parents are the norm, when that family splits the individuals left will both have a good enough salary to be middle income.

There will always be many couples where that cannot possibly be the case, unless you live in some career version of Lake Wobegon, where all salaries are above average.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 09/05/2022 07:05

There will always be many couples where that cannot possibly be the case, unless you live in some career version of Lake Wobegon, where all salaries are above average.

Exactly - it's also not possible for everyone to earn a high salary. We're always going to need people working for the minimum wage or in other lower paid roles - and those jobs are just as valid as careers with higher incomes.

Where I live, most people earn around 20-24k. We are not an expensive area or a high earning area - the vast majority of jobs are in tourism and retail, neither of which are ever going to be highly paid even if you are the top of the career chain.

VintageGibbon · 09/05/2022 07:36

XenoBitch · 08/05/2022 22:29

That is the vibe I got from a lot of posts on this thread.
Women got to earn the most they can incase they end up single.

Show quote history

It's not just 'in case they end up single'. I didn't earn for years when DC were small as DS2 had complex SEN and was in and out of hospital. DH truly wasn't intentionally financially abusive but there were weeks when I had nothing but child benefit to live on because we didn't have a joint account and he kept forgetting to give me any money.

The improvement in my wellbeing when I started to earn again and could choose how to spend money, and could buy clothes without asking. I hated being in that position. It's not healthy.

sst1234 · 09/05/2022 07:45

Holl90 · 08/05/2022 22:27

@NRRK28 I am sure somebody will be along soon to tell you to prepare yourself for when he runs off with the neighbour 🙄

If you extend the principle beyond the cliche, there is nothing trivial about being reliant on a man being the higher earner and a relationship breakdown that leaves a woman struggling financially. It happens far far too often.

Iwonder08 · 09/05/2022 08:43

It is absolutely fine. However with your income limitations you need to be honest with yourself - someone will be subsidising your 'I don't want a career' choice.. Either a man or the government

Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:44

If I was financially reliant on a man, that would mean everything I buy has to come from him? I have my own money. If we split it would be a struggle as it would be for most people? Where is this thread going I don’t understand?

If my husband leaves, he will have to pay maintenance and I’ll do whatever it takes to support my kids…what’s the problem?

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:46

He also wouldn’t be able to do the job he does so he would be in the shit too!….more so

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:47

@Iwonder08 please tell me how that is the case?

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:48

I pay half the he bills and half the childcare costs? I don’t understand where the hell this is going honestly!

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:52

I pay half the he bills and half the childcare costs? I don’t understand where the hell this is going hon

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:53

It’s as if you are bitter that you sacrificed everything for your career. If your happy with your choices what’s the issue??

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:54

Honestly I don’t believe anybody who says their career remained the same after kids…if it did your slacking at something at parenting…

OP posts:
Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:57

what bothers me is that it is just the women that get attacked for this…you never see men being slated for being able to work? It’s complete bollocks

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/05/2022 09:05

Iwonder08 · 09/05/2022 08:43

It is absolutely fine. However with your income limitations you need to be honest with yourself - someone will be subsidising your 'I don't want a career' choice.. Either a man or the government

What bullshit.

Notcontent · 09/05/2022 09:06

This thread is a bit nonsensical because the OP has a DH who “earns good money” and so she doesn’t need to take full responsibility for household finances.

I would love less stress and to be able to spend more time pottering around the house - but I have to make sure I can house and feed myself snd my DC.

SomewhereEast · 09/05/2022 09:13

It's not nonsensical. If the OP & her other half can make the finances work and they and the DC are happy, then why not? Yes she's fortunate to have the choice to stay where she income-wise and not everyone does, but that isn't actually her personal fault.

Original poster
Holl90 · 09/05/2022 09:16

@Notcontent no this is about a partnership, nobody intends for a family to break up and if mine does I will deal with it, just like you have!

putting women down for having a husband is bloody ridiculous!

OP posts:
sst1234 · 09/05/2022 09:24

Holl90 · 09/05/2022 08:46

He also wouldn’t be able to do the job he does so he would be in the shit too!….more so

That’s the biggest myth that women make themselves believe. That the husband somehow relies on them to climb the career ladder. When relationships break down, the man mostly carries on as he always he did. The woman however has to struggle to get back in her feet.
OP, your choice is informed by your circumstances, about which you know more than random people on the internet. But people are debating the principle here based on what they see all the time, not least on this very forum. And the cards are always stacked against the lower earning partner, should a relationship break down.

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