To think about having another baby in my 40’s?

[Millymollymine]

I have 2 already both girls aged 6 and 2. In am now 41 so is DH. DH would love a boy and I’m happy with the idea of having 3 children. (Obviously we know we might get another girl which would also be perfect) but the thing I am stressing about is our age. I keep thinking if we had a baby then when the baby is my age i’ll be 84, is that right for a 42 yr old to have, if my mum died now I’d be devastated and she is late 60’s, would I ever be proper help to this child or just a hinderance, it is also making me panic about dying and leaving my other children i’ve got myself in a bit of a state. Would it be unreasonable to have a baby now knowing that due to my age they might then lose their mum in their 30’s/40’s?

40 isn't some magic age where women suddenly dry up and collapse inward, ffs!

DD at 32, DS1 at 41, DS2 at 43. I'm more tired but less impatient, less fashionable but considerably richer...there are pros and cons. #3 was a moment of serendipity after a terrible time conceiving DS, and we just thought well, we are already here. If you have a 2yo, will it make a major difference?

I have a friend who has her first in our twenties. Her husband was in his 40's. Her kids years later have both paternal grandparents and nothing from the maternal side. Her DH is fit as a fiddle but she has major health problems. Its always a lottery.

I am 31.
Ds is 7 months .
DH is 53. ( DH parents / DS grandparents are 75)

I felt/ feel sad for DS that he won’t know his dad for as long as others.
My dad left when I was 4 and even though I wanted to see him constantly forgot to turn up and I now haven’t seen him for 3 years .

DH is absolutely amazing with DS . I pray DS will have his dad alive until he is at least 35.

I want another baby but feel so guilty that this child will have even less time with their Dad . But then I don’t want DS to always feel he has to look after me as dad is dead ! Life is tricky !

I wouldn't but we're all different. I struggled with the menopause in my 40s when DC's were still at primary school.

I worked full time with an hour commute each end daily. Not fun. I was a lone parent by then too.
If you have lots of money and support and fit and healthy and DH is full on with the children then maybe. It's not him doing the pregnancy or menopause bit though.

Are you prepared for additional needs and multiples, both of which are more common in older mothers?

I wouldn't roll the dice again at your age.

Someone I know had their last baby totally naturally at 52. That baby is now an adult and all is well. I know some people who have had their first in their 40s. You only had your last one a couple of years ago so what’s the difference? Go for it!

Do not have a baby to have a particular sex- that’s why I have two friends each with 3 girls.
Not having a baby due to the inevitability that you will die one day is bizarre- my mother died at 42, I really can’t get the dramaticness of a child in their 40s losing their parent- but I digress.
do you want another baby, granted you have a 2yr old, but are you prepared for all the extra work, bigger car, being stretched thinner in yours 40s- If yes then go for it.

You're not too old at 41 to have another baby OP. If you and your DH both want one, I'd get on with it. I know many women who had DC in their 40s who had babies and it was ever thus. I wouldn't think about it too much, if I were you, just do it if you're both on board.

40 here with my 2nd- it was twins but sadly lost one to downs and a heart condition

The people I know who have had children in their forties seem to do quite well until they’re are pre teen and then lose energy or develop health problems. They do miss out on things but generally they’re a wealthier generation so can pay for their children to have experiences so they don’t miss out.

Sadly, parents can die at any age OP.

I’m an ‘old’ mum. So were my parents, my dad died when I was 29 he was 69, my DM is 80 and I’m now 44. All I remember is my picture perfect childhood. My parents had energy, as do I.
I do more with my child than my younger counterparts and I’m fitter. I don’t want to go put clubbing, travelling - I’ve done it.

If you both want a child and can offer love, go for it. Yes one of you may pass away when the child is in their twenties or thirties or you may not. Nobody knows.

Yes it is, see it for what it is , the final hormone surge before it's too late. Menopause and a young child would be no joke!! I can't imagine having a 10 year old now at 50.

If you had a boy already you wouldn't be considering this. I think you should count your blessings and enjoy the family that you have. The chance of having a child with additional needs is much higher, are you prepared for that? 2 is plenty and better for the environment.

If you want another baby, have one. I'm 35, have 2 dc and I'm done. I wouldn't be put off because of disabilities or your age. Just whether or not you have the energy.

DH would love a boy and I’m happy with the idea of having 3 children. (Obviously we know we might get another girl which would also be perfect)
can’t say I believe you on that one. I know a few families who went for a third in hope of having a boy/girl and got a 3rd of the same sex. They were clearly disappointed and it’s awful to see.

at your age I’d say be grateful for the 2 healthy children that you have on focus on them.

My 2 children and adults now I don't think I could go through it again I have freedom now don't think I'd still want children at home when I'm in my 50s oh and school runs the dramas no thanks go for it if you want to

Lots of people have babies at 41. I'd go for it. Yes there are plenty of reasons not to but if you both really want to I would.

My Dad died when I was in my early forties. I was obviously devastated but I had a wonderful childhood and many brilliant years with him.

My partners mum had him her third at 42. He is now 42 nearly 43 and his mum just celebrated her 85th birthday. His parents have far more active than my dad who has a lot of health conditions. More than ten years younger

My mum had me late twenties and died at 61 and was sick for years before. There are no guarantees parents will be around or in good health at any age in life.

I’m sorry that you lost your mum and friend. I too have lost someone who was young. However, statistically, you’re more likely to develop life limiting illnesses and die at in your 70s or older. I have friends who are my age (mid 20s) and their parents are now in their 70s, around the age of my grandparents. They worry about their parents whereas I don’t really (they were younger than me when they had me). Also, older parents are more likely to have dc with disabilities and SEN so women need to think about that beforehand and whether they’d be able to support their dc.

www.webmd.com/brain/autism/news/20100208/autism-risk-rises-with-mothers-age

www.spectrumnews.org/news/link-parental-age-autism-explained/amp/

My Mum had me at 40. We are lucky with our health, but we are deliberately active, to live well longer. She died when I was 47. She'd been well enough to babysit my children. The only issue was her being out of touch when I was a teen, but you have older children, so there'd be possible support there. It might not happen, but keep yourself as healthy as possible and there isn't any reason to not try. Genetically how long do both sides live for?

As you get older, you are more likely to have a girl than a boy. I would only proceed if you assume that you will have a girl. It sounds like your husband might be disappointed with that.

Wow - all so negative!

Hummed and hawed are your age OP, DH wasn’t keen, but ultimately had “unexpected” DD at 43 to add to 2 DS who were 7 and 5 when she was born. She is an amazing 8 now and totally changed the family dynamic in a positive way. Her brothers LOVE her. Definitely completed our family.

I think everyone will have such different opinions on this. You mention your youngest is 2 so you are still in the thick of the baby and toddler years so know fully what you've got in store and if you concieved your youngest easily then thst also looks positive. When I was 41 my youngest was already 7 and there was no way I could have gone back and started again, my eldest was 10 so we were on the brink of secondary schools and it wouldn't have been the right fit for us. I really think how you will cope with it has a lot to do with how long you've been parenting already, what age your exiating children are, when you last gave birth....or if it's your first etc. People in my position will be more likely to say no you shouldn't do it but actually if it works for you and your family why not try. If you are worried about the age you will be at milestones in this babies life then why don't you agree totry but have a cut off of say a year when you stop trying if it doesn't work out.

Your mum having you younger did give you extra years though.

If she would've had you at 44 you would've been 22 when she died instead you got extra years with her.

DO IT! Do what makes you happy

If its what you want go for it. No point worrying about age anything can happen my mam died when she was 60. Just be aware of the potential of a multiple birth or a risk of disabilities as likelihood of both increases with age.