To say something to this mum?

[Gahblaablaa]

Soft play for a birthday party today (multiple kids), one of the mums said to another (Indian mum) your son needs to take his shoes off before he goes in! Mum, he did? -other mum, no
he didn’t! Look he’s going in. Mum, no, that’s Yash not Ajay.

I’m friendly with this mum. Should I acknowledge that it was awkward and a bit wrong, or stay quiet?

I think you're inferring something that isn't there. I don't know the school mums that well and would definitely confuse who's kid is who's.

It wasn’t awkward or a bit wrong, it was massively offensive. She may as well have said ‘you all look the same to me’.

She should have immediately apologised to the mum in question.

No idea what you're going on about, but it's not your job to police what an adult says to someone else.

Stay out of it. You will make it worse.

See that’s my feeling, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting! I don’t want to cause a problem where there isn’t one. I am white and clueless.

What do you need to say exactly? Why’s it relevant that one mum is Indian? Someone mixed up 2 kids, not the end of the world is it.

I wouldn’t recognise at least 90% of the children in my children’s classes especially not at soft play where they are out of uniform and running around.

Mind your own business. One mum mixed up two kids, easily done no matter their heritage/race/ethnicity/colour/whatever. The mum said matter if factory, that's not my child, that's X. No need for you to wade in!!

Is there something else going on that makes you think it was a race thing? People mix other peoples kids up all the time! Unless there was more to it I don’t think you need to make a big deal of it.

If i dont know them very well i certainly cannot tell one persons kids from another. Keep out of it

So you want to sympathise with Ajay's mum about what you think was a racist mix-up between two kids at soft-play? Some hours after the actual event?

I wouldn't personally say anything here.

I'm constantly mixing kids up, regardless of skin colour. In the madness that is a soft-play party I think it is a forgivable error best forgotten.

Just to acknowledge to the mum who is my friend that it’s a bit shit. She wouldn’t start anything. Her jaw dropped and I don’t want her to feel that she’s alone in her surprise.

What do you think you should say that you feel would be of benefit in this situation?

They are the only Indian kids in the class and look very different!

Vicks sake I am half Indian. It’s not massively offensive. People may choose to take it that way, however.

My dd is 17 and I still confuse who is who in her friends.

and also once, coming out of school I grabbed ds hand. Except it wasn’t ds, it was his friend who also had very dark hair. He was just walking next to me, I could see the top of his head out the corner of my eye and just thought it was him.

Even if you do find it offensive, I am unsure why you, a person not involved would decide you should involve yourself.

It’s too late now, and the mum corrected her anyway. In this scenario the correct thing to do was for the mum who made the mistake to be informed she made the mistake and that’s what happened.

The mum who said the wrong name probably feels mortified and will learn from her own mistake.

I wouldn’t say anything, bet your friend felt awkward anyway. My boss always does this to me and my colleague, who are both the only black teachers in the school.

You know it’s quite a well known phenomenon that different races are far more likely to think everyone looks alike when not in their own race?

amp.theguardian.com/science/neurophilosophy/2011/aug/15/people-other-races-look-alike

Really ? You have no idea why she confused the two children. She could have poor eyesight for all you know. It's not right to assume... you need to be sure. In a noisy soft play, it's easy to get the wrong end of the stick.

Well I’m not actually involving myself. Im
asking your opinions as to whether I should. I’m listening!

Get my own children's names wrong on many occasions! And my Mum used to call them the dog's name. Honestly I cannot see how she was being offensive. Their kids in soft play - they all blur into sweaty screaming hamsters.

Also my son has very similar hair to about 4 other children in his class and I struggle to tell them apart (sometimes including my son 😃)

Eh?!

Ah come on now. Completely different and you know it.

But I don’t understand why you think you should?

you can’t sympathise. Bringing it up later is just awkward. What would she get out of it?

i don’t mean to be an arse, but it gets a bit grating when well meaning white people think they need to get involved in everything and that people of colour always need back up or sympathy or validation.