To say something to this mum?

[Gahblaablaa]

Soft play for a birthday party today (multiple kids), one of the mums said to another (Indian mum) your son needs to take his shoes off before he goes in! Mum, he did? -other mum, no
he didn’t! Look he’s going in. Mum, no, that’s Yash not Ajay.

I’m friendly with this mum. Should I acknowledge that it was awkward and a bit wrong, or stay quiet?

This is actually reminding me that I was also confused with the other British Mum at DD's primary school. Both blonde and British so we were frequently called each other's names and teachers would mention the wrong child to us.
It didn't help that we sometimes shared lifts!

pretty sure the other mum who said it was embarrassed. That’s not racism it’s an accident and you’re being a dick.

From your updates, it does sound very awkward, OP, but I wouldn't mention it further to the parent who made the mistake. I'm sure she was hugely embarrassed when it happened even if she didn't show it. I know I'd be absolutely cringing at my mistake. But it's her mistake and hers to correct, not yours, IYSWIM.

Clearly confusing children is as common as an inability to read around here.

I'm sorry so many people haven't been able to read and comprehend that you didn't say something because you didn't want to do or say the wrong thing and are simply asking if people think you should.

I agree with those who said to say you agree with your friend if she brings it up and empathise but not to bring it up yourself.

Yes, @itsgettingweird I think most of us know that the OP didn't say anything at the time.

You seem convinced it was racist and yet many parents are telling you they've experienced times where they've mixed up their own kids. You don't read situations well as you've admitted, so maybe try reading what other parents say about the situation.

Overreacting a little, she probably didn't give it a second thought. When there's lots of kids of similar age running around it's easy to mistake one for the other, especially from the back.

The amount of times I've waved at a child in soft play and then realised they aren't actually mine, just wearing a similar shirt or something.

The white privilege on this page, wish I could say it’s shocking but it really bloody isn’t…. Sadly.

confusing 2 white kids is not the same. Teachers confusing black kids in class is common place and probably happens daily to some kids. They deserve better.

Any ND people got my back?

No.

You've been told by everyone here to drop it and not say anything to your friend. This isn't something to obsess over.

I confuse children in my class for the first few days / week of September.
I'll be damned if someone ever says it's a racist thing. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@OnceuponaRainbow18 Why is confusing two white kids different to confusing two non-white kids? It's making a mistake both times.

This mum thought that the child who had not removed their shoes belonged to the Asian mum because they shared the same skin colour? Actually, I can't see why that assumption is so bad but mentioning the shoes was none of her business anyway - did she make a bee-line for the correct parent and wade in there as well? This meddler's to be avoided.

DS2 has spent the day being called DS1's name by accident by two different sets of my friends who've known him from birth. If DS1 had been present, the difference is obvious, height, hair style, hair colour body language. People make errors.

There's no point in saying anything after the event, and other than a gentle correction at the time not much else to say to a genuine error. If someone repeatedly made the same mistake with no appology and no awareness of the person's feelings then it may fall into racism, but mistaken identity is a common problem amongst people sharing an ethnicity anyway.

But even if it was racist, HOW is it your place to get involved?? She's your friend, but she is also a parent of a child in your child's class. You don't get involved in such matters. Are you then trying to imply that your friend can't speak up for herself, which is actually offensive to your friend.

No, not at all! There almost a foot between them.

I think if it had been any other subject where your friend looked upset you’d both have been saying “I can’t believe she did that” and you could say something like “I noticed she mixed up A and B, she is probably mortified” without turning it into a huge deal just so she knows you noticed.

Oh am I? Thanks

Thank you

Thank you @itsgettingweird

I've only ever confused white children - 2 had the same colour (distinctive) and it made me feel bad. They looked similar though. I'm missing something, surely 🤷‍♀️
I've also mixed up children who look nothing alike! I always feel bad when I mix them up but I'm only human so won't feel anything but, I should really learn their names quicker.

Surely the mum should have apologised for mixing up her kid even if she didn’t do it in a racist way?! Also, should have apologised for having a go at the woman over something her kid wasn’t even doing.

That’s exactly what I’m trying to do- ask for advice. Not get shot down for asking if I should say something.

I haven’t got involved. I asked if I should say something. Thins is exhausting 😞

*this

That’s incredibly awkward. And reminds me of that scene in The Office:

mobile.twitter.com/davidbrentmovie/status/1247800867866030081?lang=en

But I wouldn’t raise it unless she raises it with you.