Page 4 | To say something to this mum?

Gahblaablaa · 2022-05-07T16:54:47+00:00

Soft play for a birthday party today (multiple kids), one of the mums said to another (Indian mum) your son needs to take his shoes off before he goes in! Mum, he did? -other mum, no he didn’t! Look he’s going in. Mum, no, that’s Yash not Ajay. I’m friendly with this mum. Should I acknowledge that it was awkward and a bit wrong, or stay quiet?

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:50

CambsAlways · 07/05/2022 18:44

Why would you wade in and say something!

I haven’t!

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Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:51

RoostasTowel · 07/05/2022 18:46

Shouldn't drip feed then

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I wasn’t!

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MarJau26 · 07/05/2022 18:52

Also the thing is even if this was an issue, it's for the mum to do something not you. Why would you even feel it's your place to get involved.

Regularsizedrudy · 07/05/2022 18:53

What exactly do you think you can say that will help in any way? “You know when you got those two Indian kids mixed up the other day? That was racist that was” Then you receive a standing ovation and are crown the least racist whitey. Well done.

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:53

MarJau26 · 07/05/2022 18:52

Also the thing is even if this was an issue, it's for the mum to do something not you. Why would you even feel it's your place to get involved.

Oh ffs, I haven’t done anything. I was asking if I should. I find it hard to gauge social
situations and I want to be a good friend.

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Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:55

Regularsizedrudy · 07/05/2022 18:53

What exactly do you think you can say that will help in any way? “You know when you got those two Indian kids mixed up the other day? That was racist that was” Then you receive a standing ovation and are crown the least racist whitey. Well done.

This is the world we’re in. Cool.

Any ND people got my back? 😞

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Pixiedust1234 · 07/05/2022 18:55

The right thing to do would have been to ask mum if she was okay at the time. Nothing more. But it sounds as if you want to drag it up and stir up stuff that probably isn't there. Dont say anything, its too late.

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:57

Pixiedust1234 · 07/05/2022 18:55

The right thing to do would have been to ask mum if she was okay at the time. Nothing more. But it sounds as if you want to drag it up and stir up stuff that probably isn't there. Dont say anything, its too late.

I really don’t want to stir anything up. I honestly just want to know if I should say to the mum that it was off and ask if she is ok. Because I don’t know what to do.

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GinnysGin · 07/05/2022 18:57

I mixed up two white girls in my class who were writing on the board. I'm white, therefore, it isn't racist. I did the same thing with two white boys not in my class but in the same year group - again clearly not a race issue. I also did this with two black girls due to similar sounding names - am I now racist? Some people get confused, this is not your problem.

BaaMoon · 07/05/2022 18:58

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:57

I really don’t want to stir anything up. I honestly just want to know if I should say to the mum that it was off and ask if she is ok. Because I don’t know what to do.

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No she will know it was off

Regularsizedrudy · 07/05/2022 19:00

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 18:55

This is the world we’re in. Cool.

Any ND people got my back? 😞

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I am ND.
I didn’t see you update before I posted so my comment was perhaps extra flippant. But to be honest I still think I have a point. Your difficultly with this may be in part to do with being ND, but I also think you should ask yourself if you are being motivated by white guilt and a need to prove yourself as not racist and not a totally genuine desire to comfort a friend.

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:04

Regularsizedrudy · 07/05/2022 19:00

I am ND.
I didn’t see you update before I posted so my comment was perhaps extra flippant. But to be honest I still think I have a point. Your difficultly with this may be in part to do with being ND, but I also think you should ask yourself if you are being motivated by white guilt and a need to prove yourself as not racist and not a totally genuine desire to comfort a friend.

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I know I’m not racist. My friend is new to this country and I don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t fit in.

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MNHQ

ImaniMumsnet · 07/05/2022 19:04

Evening all, thanks to everyone who has contributed to the conversation so far.

Just a gentle reminder of the Talkguidelines which can be found here www.mumsnet.com/i/netiquette

Let's keep it civil :-)

MargaretThursday · 07/05/2022 19:09

If you're trying to say that it must be racist because another mother mixed up two children... surely that means you are also racist if you assume that race was the reason why they were mixed up.

My dd was always being mixed up with her best friend. Similar heights, similar names, similar build, similar hair length... although different colour. People use all sorts of things when recognising other people, and especially in a crowd of children of similar ages that they don't know very well.

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:10

MargaretThursday · 07/05/2022 19:09

If you're trying to say that it must be racist because another mother mixed up two children... surely that means you are also racist if you assume that race was the reason why they were mixed up.

My dd was always being mixed up with her best friend. Similar heights, similar names, similar build, similar hair length... although different colour. People use all sorts of things when recognising other people, and especially in a crowd of children of similar ages that they don't know very well.

It was clearly the reason they were mixed up. I’m not racist. I’m done with explaining myself.

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Cameleongirl · 07/05/2022 19:11

GinnysGin · 07/05/2022 18:57

I mixed up two white girls in my class who were writing on the board. I'm white, therefore, it isn't racist. I did the same thing with two white boys not in my class but in the same year group - again clearly not a race issue. I also did this with two black girls due to similar sounding names - am I now racist? Some people get confused, this is not your problem.

This happened frequently to DD and another girl in her primary school class. Similar skin tones, same hairstyle, everyone confused them, teachers, other parents, etc. We used to laugh about it as it happened so often.

I wouldn't overthink this, OP.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/05/2022 19:11

I think getting two kids of the same ethnicity confused in soft play is not really comparable to getting the only two black colleagues in your team who you've worked with for months confused, a massive lack of effort on your part, which I assume stems down to racism. So I can understand why you might have drawn a tenuous link between the two situations.

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:11

They are not similar in any way.

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Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:12

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/05/2022 19:11

I think getting two kids of the same ethnicity confused in soft play is not really comparable to getting the only two black colleagues in your team who you've worked with for months confused, a massive lack of effort on your part, which I assume stems down to racism. So I can understand why you might have drawn a tenuous link between the two situations.

Thank you

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Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/05/2022 19:12

Also in fairness to the op when the incorrect mom was told "he did take his shoes off" that's when she should have shut up, she didn't need to push through at that point.

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:13

Cameleongirl · 07/05/2022 19:11

This happened frequently to DD and another girl in her primary school class. Similar skin tones, same hairstyle, everyone confused them, teachers, other parents, etc. We used to laugh about it as it happened so often.

I wouldn't overthink this, OP.

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I really don’t think this is comparable, but thanks. Not being arsey btw.

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Cameleongirl · 07/05/2022 19:14

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:11

They are not similar in any way.

So they don't have similar skin tones and hairstyles at all? You couldn't confuse them from behind or from a distance, for example?

Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:15

Cameleongirl · 07/05/2022 19:14

So they don't have similar skin tones and hairstyles at all? You couldn't confuse them from behind or from a distance, for example?

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Completely different heights, hair styles, clothing styles. Both brown

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Original poster

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:16

Gahblaablaa · 07/05/2022 19:15

Completely different heights, hair styles, clothing styles. Both brown

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Also one of their dads is white, the dad with the boy who was mistaken was not.

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Monpetitjardin · 07/05/2022 19:17

It's fairly easy to confuse children. DH and I pick up our granddaughter from school sometimes, and a couple of times I've walked towards a different child who looks amazingly like DGD.
I don't know why the OP thought she might intervene in a conversation between two people, no matter what the subject. That's if I understood the OP''s post, which I found confusing.