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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be spoken to like shit by new boss?

123 replies

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:36

I started a new job a month ago. My line manager says I'm doing really well. However, their manager seems to either not like me or think it's ok to speak to people like shit, as he's been rude to me on numerous occasions since I started. Things such as:

Snatching a message off me when I'd take a message from a phone call for them, without a please or thank you.

Snapping me in front of several staff members and customers to "ANSWER THE PHONE" when it wasn't even my phone that was ringing and I was doing another task at the time

Loudly telling me off that I was doing something incorrectly, again in front of customers and colleagues, when I was only doing it the way I've been taught to by my line manager, and the same way that everyone else does it

Snapping at me to "STAND THERE" when he wanted to use my computer for something and I tried to then go off and do another task.

Standing watching me when I'm working with customers in an intimidating way.

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

AIBU to refuse to tolerate being spoken to badly? I'll probably get sacked but that's probably better than the effect this would have on my esteem long term

OP posts:
Original poster
InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:40

Oh, and when I've asked perfectly valid questions a couple of times about the job he's just replied 'It's not fucking rocket science' to me

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 06/05/2022 23:40

YA absolutely NBU but I would suggest taking this through the proper channels, especially as you are so newly employed so have little protection against dismissal.

Make a log of the incidents and go through your company's grievance process.

Merryoldgoat · 06/05/2022 23:49

He’s a nasty bully. I’d raise a grievance and leave.

FirstFallopians · 06/05/2022 23:52

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

What was his response?

A surprising number of bullies back off once they realise someone won’t stand for their shit.

Original poster
InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:53

He just walked off when I told him not to speak to me like that.

OP posts:
ComDummings · 06/05/2022 23:58

He’s a dick

knowinglesseveryday · 07/05/2022 00:10

Well done. You don't have to take that.

LightSpeeds · 07/05/2022 00:17

Do you work at The Range??

bluebell34567 · 07/05/2022 00:19

👏thats the best op İ've seen long time.

kimfox · 07/05/2022 00:19

What an asshole. Never ceases to amaze that people like this land management positions.

Dellow · 07/05/2022 00:22

urgh YANBU! I’d be looking to record all the little infractions and take it up formally whilst looking for a new job…..
At the same time I would not be able to help myself in giving equally as good as I get eg:

’it’s not f*ing rocket science’ - ‘good , then it won’t take you long to explain it will it?
’ANSWER THE PHONE! - ‘er, do you want to rephrase that? ‘

The one time someone ( manager of a different department who was known for it) attempted to bully me at work. I was so furious that I immediately snapped back and never had another problem with them again. I presume he thought because I was fairly quiet I would just ‘take it’ like his other targets ( which included a load of maintenance men so not exactly shrinking violets). At the time I thought if I don’t go nuclear immediately then I am the stupid one for allowing myself to be shat upon…I totally agree with the poster who said that most bullies back down when they come across someone who won’t put up with their bullshit.

Medicaltextbook · 07/05/2022 00:23

As long as you were polite in the way you addressed him it might change his behaviour.

Do you generally like the job? Do you financially need this job? If you lose it or resign what is the job market like? depending on how large the organisation is you could speak to HR if you are not dismissed and it continues.

if you are dismissed you may want to challenge if you will need to claim benefits. If you voluntarily leave a job or dismissed for misconduct you could be sanctioned (depending on what you claim and your circumstances.)

Topseyt123 · 07/05/2022 00:25

I think it was fine to tell him not to speak to you like that. You tackled a bully who was throwing his weight around. Well done.

Raise a grievance through the proper channels (in a discussion with your line manager perhaps). This arsewipe has clearly got away with this nonsense for far too long.

SugarNspices · 07/05/2022 00:27

Good for you nobody has the right to be spoken to like that

OuchitHurtstoomuch · 07/05/2022 00:34

I'd call him up on it every time. I'd also put it in writing. Have you someone you can report his behaviour to? I'd log everything.

londonmummy1966 · 07/05/2022 00:37

I had a boss like that once. At one point when I'd spent a lot of time with older toddlers he said "get me xxxx" and I turned around on auto pilot and said "Whats the magic word?" He was never rude to me again.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2022 00:39

I'd punch this wanker in the throat. There's not a chance in hell I'd be spoken to like that, but that's easy for me to say because I don't need a job.

What a fucking prick.

pictish · 07/05/2022 00:51

Certainly can’t imagine my boss speaking to me like that. I’d be astonished and insulted…not sure I could keep my mouth shut either.

Bloody awful.

Hawkins001 · 07/05/2022 00:57

Holy smokes, all the best op

Kat1953 · 07/05/2022 00:59

Curious who the 2% are you think yabu!

Well done for standing up for yourself op

biscuiteer · 07/05/2022 09:07

Record day date and time of any more bullying with names of any colleague witnesses or if it was in front of customers (Professionalism at its lowest in both scenarios) and then go to their manager with a complaint.
Tell them everything.
Terrible treatment and sorry to hear this for you.

SarahSissions · 07/05/2022 09:50

He’s tone is off, but it convention in many offices that if someone isn’t at their desk then someone else will pick up the phone and see if they can help or take a message. So I think you are both of the mark, him in tone, you in not answering the phone

Cauliflowersqueeze · 07/05/2022 09:58

it will be interesting to see if he continues after your response.

I’d just keep saying the same thing “don’t speak to me like that” and log it every time. Also make a note of who was around.

I was in a shop once (somewhere like Debenhams, a long time ago) and a boss was being really snappy and rude with a shop assistant. I always wished I had said something. I definitely would now.

Vidax · 07/05/2022 09:59

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2022 00:39

I'd punch this wanker in the throat. There's not a chance in hell I'd be spoken to like that, but that's easy for me to say because I don't need a job.

What a fucking prick.

really? you'd punch him?

Of course you would

TryingNotToReact9to5 · 07/05/2022 10:00

I couldn't cope with that.

I worked in a place like that once and after six months, I had a stutter (a slight one).

Get out now.