To refuse to be spoken to like shit by new boss?

[InadequateSleep]

I started a new job a month ago. My line manager says I'm doing really well. However, their manager seems to either not like me or think it's ok to speak to people like shit, as he's been rude to me on numerous occasions since I started. Things such as:

Snatching a message off me when I'd take a message from a phone call for them, without a please or thank you.

Snapping me in front of several staff members and customers to "ANSWER THE PHONE" when it wasn't even my phone that was ringing and I was doing another task at the time

Loudly telling me off that I was doing something incorrectly, again in front of customers and colleagues, when I was only doing it the way I've been taught to by my line manager, and the same way that everyone else does it

Snapping at me to "STAND THERE" when he wanted to use my computer for something and I tried to then go off and do another task.

Standing watching me when I'm working with customers in an intimidating way.

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

AIBU to refuse to tolerate being spoken to badly? I'll probably get sacked but that's probably better than the effect this would have on my esteem long term

Eurgh he sounds awful. I had similar in a previous job, team full of men and even though I was at the same level as everyone else aside from the manager- of course I was expected to do the admin, minute taking- women's jobs as he called them on top of my actual job. I spoke to him about it and when it was clear no one was arsed I left. But it shouldn't be this way- fair play for you speaking up to him.

It's not just in retail that this happens. I was working in an OPD department in a large hospital. All the staff were scared of a particular Consultant who always wanted the same person 'A' to assist him. On this occasion I was sent in to assist in a procedure. I handed the wrong instrument to him and he yelled at me in front of the patient saying he wanted 'A' to assist him. I turned around and said 'Mr X, can we please discuss this when the patient has left?'. As it happened I had to leave the room with the patient to organise another procedure. I was shaking with rage! A little later he called me back into his room and apologized From then on he was fine with me but the other girls were still scared. As others have said you have to stand up to bullies!

Omg he is a bully - keep a log of everything he does… evidence for bullying - take it to hr or your union if you have one

He has that syndrome that some men have. Does he drive a flash car per chance?

I was also thinking the same thing.
Good on the op for standing up to the arrogant that of a manager. I've been there myself so know exactly how if feels.

Raise a Grievance Every. Single. Time he does something like that. Contact your union rep ASAP too.
Make it very clear how uncomfortable he's unprofessional behaviour is making you feel and how it is affecting your performance at work & mental health.

So...it's ageism too....keep writing it all down, also note down when he treats young women differently to you, and try and get an appraisal in writing from your line manager confirming you are doing your job well.
You don't have much protection until you have worked somewhere two years but the exception is when it is discrimination. If it is a large chain the HR dept will want to avoid these sort of issues.

Awful behavior, well done for standing up to the bully. I reported my Manager’s bullying of other more junior staff to HR. He never dared do it to me because I’m older and he knew I wouldn’t take his shit. Nothing much seemed to happen but he then was passed over for a big promotion and I am sure his dire people skills were a key factor.

Do assault charges pay the bills?

Thats a bit frightening. Why don’t you need a job - are you in prison?

Whats that got to do with anything
Being on the spectrum can sometimes be an explanation but its never an excuse .
This person just sounds like an arse. I wouldnt even reply if someone talked to me that way. Neither should op

I had this once off the owner of a company, but I'm self employed and hadn't seen him before and didn't actually know who he was until employees told me after. He snapped rudely at me and I said 'How dare you speak to me like that, all you had to do was ask nicely, you should be ashamed of yourself' and he muttered something and looked away. Never had a word off him when I saw him again.
These people need their behaviour highlighting in a calm way each and every time.

Well done to your son @Backtomyoldname . Smart kid!

Hope you manage to get your situation sorted @InadequateSleep .

I'd probably find him in a places that's not in view of the public but where other staff members are and clearly and loudly ask who the actual F*ck he thinks he is talking to. I'd then continue with, how dare you even think to talk to me like this, continue and we will be having a VERY lengthy discussion with HR about emotional abuse and bullying within the work place.

And then walk off, without giving him the time to 'explain' his absolute BS behaviour

I've never been charged with assault 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄

@Iloveartichokes why dont you document on TripAdvisor or TrustPilot and then contact Pizza Express HO?

Great idea PaulaTrilloe. Thanks.

may because you would never punch someone “In The throat”. Which is probably for the best

“Stand there” and “answer the phone” and telling you how to do something aren’t really examples of being spoken to like shit. Of course the forum is on your side, but really it’s impossible to know how he said it as to judge. Perhaps he’s rude, perhaps your over sensitive.

There is no reason to speak to a staff member (or anyone) like that. It seems he is very insecure in himself and his capabilities as a manager.

I've had managers like that before and have said calmly and politely "I don't let anyone speak to me that way". As soon as they know you're not a shrinking violet they stop.

I've also managed many people in a very stressful environment and have never spoken to anyone disrrpectfully. If I've had an issue with their performance we discuss it in a supervision then I follow disciplinary procedures.

I'd punch this wanker in the throat. There's not a chance in hell I'd be spoken to like that, but that's easy for me to say because I don't need a job. Do you need an assault charge? Or would you like to at least be arrested for assault? As that's the likely outcome. "He spoke to me rudely" isn't an excuse for physical assault. Nothing is. It's concerning that an (I'm assuming) adult can't control their temper to the point of assault or is unable yo respond to rude behaviour in a measured way.

But then you probably wouldn't actually punch someone. You just think you look hard. On mumsnet. An anonymous forum. 😂😂😂

No, you absolutely don’t need to take this!

The job market, particularly in retail and hospitality sector, is massively in employees favour now, you’ll easily get a new job unless you live in a v tiny area.

if you want to stay, call the bully out on it every single time.

Report to your line manager, log every incident and log to HR.

if the job market was different you may react differently, but if the worst outcome is you get sacked, likely you’ll just get a higher paid job elsewhere.

I often wonder what these bosses are like at home. If they openly bully their employees I believe they may be tyrants in the privacy of their own home.