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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be spoken to like shit by new boss?

123 replies

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:36

I started a new job a month ago. My line manager says I'm doing really well. However, their manager seems to either not like me or think it's ok to speak to people like shit, as he's been rude to me on numerous occasions since I started. Things such as:

Snatching a message off me when I'd take a message from a phone call for them, without a please or thank you.

Snapping me in front of several staff members and customers to "ANSWER THE PHONE" when it wasn't even my phone that was ringing and I was doing another task at the time

Loudly telling me off that I was doing something incorrectly, again in front of customers and colleagues, when I was only doing it the way I've been taught to by my line manager, and the same way that everyone else does it

Snapping at me to "STAND THERE" when he wanted to use my computer for something and I tried to then go off and do another task.

Standing watching me when I'm working with customers in an intimidating way.

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

AIBU to refuse to tolerate being spoken to badly? I'll probably get sacked but that's probably better than the effect this would have on my esteem long term

OP posts:
whoopsnomore · 08/05/2022 19:51

Yes, this. Assertive, not aggressive. Ask your line manager to meet you with him and say calmly that he has spoken to you rudely, including swearing and reprimanded you (unfairly) in front of others and customers. Tell your line manager formally first if you prefer and ask them to make notes. And then if it continues, raise a grievance, with the backing of your own diary/ notes and possibly colleagues. Although it's upsetting, try to take emotion out of it, but state it is upsetting and causing you stress.

Pipsquiggle · 08/05/2022 19:57

Do you work for a retail chain? Is this dick the store manager?

If you work for a chain they will most likely have a bullying procedure &/or a whistle blowing line - please investigate these options and use them.

If he is NOT the store manager, I would definitely report these incidents to the store manager.

If he is the store manager I would phone the whistle blowing line as you never know when the regional manager will be in.

BeenHereForYonkyDoodles · 08/05/2022 19:57

Oh I've worked with/for some total cock heads over the years, I know this type!
Report him with dates/times and start looking for a new job. You shouldn't have to put up with this shit, no one should. All the best to you.

RedWingBoots · 08/05/2022 19:58

I've been a customer in two places managers have treated staff like that.

The first place I asked the member of staff, a bloke in his early 30s, if he wanted me to raise a complaint against the manager, female who was late 30s. He said don't bother as someone else had two customers who did that without the member of staff knowing, and they got bullied out of their job. He said instead was trying to get transferred.

In the second place the woman in her 50s said as I have other clients I will just resign and did. The place closed down about a year afterwards so the manager, bloke in late 20s, was out of a job.

Grrrrdarling · 08/05/2022 20:03

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:36

I started a new job a month ago. My line manager says I'm doing really well. However, their manager seems to either not like me or think it's ok to speak to people like shit, as he's been rude to me on numerous occasions since I started. Things such as:

Snatching a message off me when I'd take a message from a phone call for them, without a please or thank you.

Snapping me in front of several staff members and customers to "ANSWER THE PHONE" when it wasn't even my phone that was ringing and I was doing another task at the time

Loudly telling me off that I was doing something incorrectly, again in front of customers and colleagues, when I was only doing it the way I've been taught to by my line manager, and the same way that everyone else does it

Snapping at me to "STAND THERE" when he wanted to use my computer for something and I tried to then go off and do another task.

Standing watching me when I'm working with customers in an intimidating way.

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

AIBU to refuse to tolerate being spoken to badly? I'll probably get sacked but that's probably better than the effect this would have on my esteem long term

You need to have a sit down meeting with the unprofessional, disrespectful & rude boss… now!
Ideally you should have done this after the 1st dressing down they gave you but now is as good a time as any.
Make it clear to them that you may only be an ‘employee’ but you have a right to work in a comfortable environment & they are out of order in the way that they speak to, degrade & belittle you!
If you have a Union give them a heads up about the situation & they may even accompany you to the meeting but as I’d keep the initial ‘can I have a word’ meeting professional but not properly official maybe keep them back initially & see how the meeting goes.
At the end of the day you & the ‘boss’ are both adults & no one should feel uncomfortable or attacked in their work environment.

Grrrrdarling · 08/05/2022 20:05

whoopsnomore · 08/05/2022 19:51

Yes, this. Assertive, not aggressive. Ask your line manager to meet you with him and say calmly that he has spoken to you rudely, including swearing and reprimanded you (unfairly) in front of others and customers. Tell your line manager formally first if you prefer and ask them to make notes. And then if it continues, raise a grievance, with the backing of your own diary/ notes and possibly colleagues. Although it's upsetting, try to take emotion out of it, but state it is upsetting and causing you stress.

Spot on 👏

D0lphine · 08/05/2022 20:07

Get a new job.

Loads of vacancies at the moment. Fuck him!

Giveitall · 08/05/2022 20:12

I took a new job after redundancy but
had an overbearing boss in my new role. He kept interfering with my responses to engineers on the phone, interjecting, telling me what to say (or not). It was awful especially as I was experienced in interacting with engineers albeit in a different field.
One afternoon I’d finally had enough so when I finished a particular call I walked over to his desk, leaned onto the desk with both hands and looked him in the eye and said in a loud voice in front of about 20 men (open plan office) “ONE MAN, ONE JOB! Back off!”
He never did it again and apologised at our next One2One meeting.
From then on, no issues. Job done!

wentworthinmate · 08/05/2022 21:03

Do you work in Waitrose by any chance??? Log and record and go higher, put in grievance as soon as you have enough evidence. Do not let them get away with this.

NannaKaren · 08/05/2022 21:24

He sounds delightful … bullying pig!
yes log incidents, report him and always answer him back ….did I say he’s a bullying pig?!

mycatisannoying · 08/05/2022 21:39

Oh dear, what a twat. YADNBU to stand up for yourself Star

Islandgirl68 · 08/05/2022 21:50

My DC had this happen to them from a fellow colleague who is same level as they are, thought they could boss them around and scream and shout at them, to do stuff. My DC stood up for them selves and told them not boss them about and speak to them like that. After been terribly bullied in school, they no longer take thst kind of crap.

saleorbouy · 08/05/2022 22:44

My advice would be to make a log of the date/time and what was said to you by him, where it occurred and if an witnesses were about.
Next I would politely pull him up when he is abrupt with you.
You need to tell him that it is unnecessary to be so blunt and you would like to be spoken to in an appropriate manner for the work environment. Try and do this with others in the vicinity.
If it continues then approach your manager and email him and HR.
If you end up getting dismissed you'll have a log of all the events to support your case.
I hope he sees the light and treats you suitably, often these bullies just need someone to stand up to them.

mangipops · 09/05/2022 07:08

Please report this. If they were treating staff in this way it is highly likely that many of the people in the care home were being treated in an abusive manner but cannot speak up for themselves!!

AutumnSquill · 09/05/2022 07:28

wentworthinmate · 08/05/2022 21:03

Do you work in Waitrose by any chance??? Log and record and go higher, put in grievance as soon as you have enough evidence. Do not let them get away with this.

That's where I had problems with the manager. Everybody else I dealt with was absolutely fine: polite and helpful, except when we all had to gather round to be shouted at. In that case, shouting back was actively encouraged, and storming out of the meeting was apparently OK too.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 09/05/2022 08:17

Christ no wonder so many people have work issues and burn out.

I for one am dis heartened at how toxic my workplace has become only due to the two bosses themselves and it's so sad as it wasn't always like it.

People have just got so spiteful and nasty it's horrendous.

We've all got to work to pay for life even more so at the minute so why can't it just be a pleasant experience for us all Hmm

All of your comments along side my own issues at work right now just make me feel quite sad 😞

It's such a shitty time for everyone as it is.

Chin up to all of us with asshole bosses

LCHH123 · 09/05/2022 12:29

He's a bully. The trouble is, it will start to affect your mental health and then you'll be finding any excuse not to go to work.

Are you still in a trial period? If so, it will probably all be turned around on you at the end of that time, because that's how bullies work. You will be told you're the one with a problem/not up to the job etc., etc.

Personally, I would either try to find a different job, or go above the bully for help. You might, of course, find that you're not the only person that has been bullied.

Original poster
InadequateSleep · 09/05/2022 12:31

I've been told that he likes younger female staff and isn't keen on older women. He's fine with blokes though whatever their ages, of course 🙄

OP posts:
Lwren · 09/05/2022 13:15

"I'm sorry, that surely wasn't me you spoke to like that? Because son i'll wipe the fucking floor with you if you're soft enough to do that again"

And you really put empahis on the word floor, say it like.. FfLlAWWW" practise it. If he can "fucking rocket science" you, you can say what you like to the broken fucking toilet of a human.

hellswelshy · 09/05/2022 13:44

Lwren · 09/05/2022 13:15

"I'm sorry, that surely wasn't me you spoke to like that? Because son i'll wipe the fucking floor with you if you're soft enough to do that again"

And you really put empahis on the word floor, say it like.. FfLlAWWW" practise it. If he can "fucking rocket science" you, you can say what you like to the broken fucking toilet of a human.

This is great! Made me laugh 😂SSorry this has happened op, you need to make a stand as pp's have said, nip it in the bud.

stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou · 09/05/2022 14:03

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:36

I started a new job a month ago. My line manager says I'm doing really well. However, their manager seems to either not like me or think it's ok to speak to people like shit, as he's been rude to me on numerous occasions since I started. Things such as:

Snatching a message off me when I'd take a message from a phone call for them, without a please or thank you.

Snapping me in front of several staff members and customers to "ANSWER THE PHONE" when it wasn't even my phone that was ringing and I was doing another task at the time

Loudly telling me off that I was doing something incorrectly, again in front of customers and colleagues, when I was only doing it the way I've been taught to by my line manager, and the same way that everyone else does it

Snapping at me to "STAND THERE" when he wanted to use my computer for something and I tried to then go off and do another task.

Standing watching me when I'm working with customers in an intimidating way.

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

AIBU to refuse to tolerate being spoken to badly? I'll probably get sacked but that's probably better than the effect this would have on my esteem long term

I'll probably get grief for this but is he on the spectrum? I ask for a reason. I've worked with a lot of wankers in my time, but a family member of mine is autistic and speaks like that when he's doing something. He really doesn't mean it.

Onlyhuman123 · 09/05/2022 14:15

Just continue to say 'please don't speak to me like that/in that manner' if he says something rude again or suggest that you both have a meeting with HR.

One of the managers in the area I worked in decided to blame me for something that had gone wrong (it wasn't my fault; it was hers and her peers and they all knew it) in front of other managers in a meeting. Once that meeting had ended, I asked to speak to her and told her that she was never to speak to me like that ever again, in a meeting or not, or accuse me of doing something that she hadn't fully investigated. Never had a problem with her after that; nice as pie... don't let a bully get away with it!

Backtomyoldname · 09/05/2022 14:56

My son learnt this lesson when he was 14 and a paperboy,
.
Other staff marked the papers and packed his bag but if there were any mistakes, non deliveries he was fined. After one day of mistakes, which would be largely unknown to him as they often swapped his routes he was effectively working for a negative amount of money.

He took it up, the next day, with the shop owner, who was grumpy and unpleasant at best. Was told ‘beggars can’t be choosers’

To which he said the same thing back, put his bag down and walked. Not surprising he had a high turnover of newspaper boys and girls.

Don’t stand for intimidation and upset.

queensonia · 09/05/2022 18:27

I once worked with a bloke who liked to bully and scream at his underlings. When he tried it on me - shouting at me in front of a room full of colleagues - I just laughed out loud in his face and walked away. That confused him. He never did it again. In fact when the job ended, he tried to take me with him to his next job. I laughed even harder at that.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 09/05/2022 18:31

Carry on pulling him up each and every time he is rude to you. He will respect you for it.

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