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To refuse to be spoken to like shit by new boss?
123

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:36

I started a new job a month ago. My line manager says I'm doing really well. However, their manager seems to either not like me or think it's ok to speak to people like shit, as he's been rude to me on numerous occasions since I started. Things such as:

Snatching a message off me when I'd take a message from a phone call for them, without a please or thank you.

Snapping me in front of several staff members and customers to "ANSWER THE PHONE" when it wasn't even my phone that was ringing and I was doing another task at the time

Loudly telling me off that I was doing something incorrectly, again in front of customers and colleagues, when I was only doing it the way I've been taught to by my line manager, and the same way that everyone else does it

Snapping at me to "STAND THERE" when he wanted to use my computer for something and I tried to then go off and do another task.

Standing watching me when I'm working with customers in an intimidating way.

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

AIBU to refuse to tolerate being spoken to badly? I'll probably get sacked but that's probably better than the effect this would have on my esteem long term

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ChocolateLlama · 07/05/2022 10:08

I recently went through something similar. I made an official complaint and he got a warning. He's been ever so nice to me since. It's so upsetting though. Your manager is clearly an attention seeking arsehole. Take care of yourself. You deserve better.

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LakieLady · 07/05/2022 10:21

He sounds utterly vile.

Have you spoken to your line manager about it? That would be my first step. And I'd be keeping details of times/dates, what was said and how it made me feel, so I had a record if I wanted to raise it as a grievance at any point.

It might also be worth checking what the company policy on bullying is.

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ambu75 · 07/05/2022 10:27

FirstFallopians · 06/05/2022 23:52

The 'ANSWER THE PHONE' event happened today and I told him not to speak to me like that. I've really had enough of him speaking to me like dirt and with no respect. I'm a 40 year old woman, not a child that needs to be told off constantly.

What was his response?

A surprising number of bullies back off once they realise someone won’t stand for their shit.

This! I've been working with someone for a few weeks now who is exactly the same. Not a new job, just in a different role. This person specifically asked for me. I snapped last week because she was expecting too much. Do this, oh and then do this, oh no don't do that now! 😡 so annoying. Anyway, since I snapped she's been the best person to work with 😂

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balalake · 07/05/2022 10:53

Start with the line manager.

Tempting as it is if there are customers to get a group of people to come in and speak very aggressively to the man concerned.

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Iloveartichokes · 07/05/2022 11:00

I witnessed this once in Pizza Express in Windsor where the kitchen was open to the diners. The manager, wearing a sharp suit, arrived in a flash car then loudly and systematically abused each kitchen employee in just the way you describe.
Incensed on their behalf and embarrassed as a customer, I decided to report him. I discretely asked a waitress for his name. He must have got wind of this because he extended the treatment to me.
If anyone in a position of influence in this chain is reading, I’ll happily provide the date and time so the fucker can be traced and gets the karma he deserves.

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Changechangychange · 07/05/2022 11:12

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:53

He just walked off when I told him not to speak to me like that.

Just keep doing this.

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Perpop · 07/05/2022 11:18

This has to be retail? The amount of ‘managers’ who are just bullies is unbelievable!

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Copperpottle · 07/05/2022 11:30

I've always challenged this. It's satisfying watching them get in hot water with their own bosses.

I remember once asking my manager a question and he responded in a nasty, sarcastic way. It was a good question about a complex financial law matter, a great chance for him to have shone in front of the CTO who was sitting with me. Literally right there.

CTO immediately calls manager into office and 'gives him an utter bollocking' (I found out from his girlfriend later) about his treatment of staff. CTO tells me I'm to report any further incidents of him doing it, though he's scared shitless and behaves from then on.

Document and report. And well done for challenging the little arsehole.

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Clarinet1 · 07/05/2022 11:34

I was once waiting to pay at the checkout at a Coop and a manager came and told the girl on the till that she was giving her a warning! I don’t know what the warning was for but, however justified it may have been, it was not right to give it in front of customers. I immediately called head office and spoke to someone who was suitably horrified!

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Handyweatherstation · 07/05/2022 11:37

Horrible, I couldn't put up with such rudeness and would have to say something.

A few years ago, I called out a member of staff in a shop who was incredibly rude to one of her colleagues on the shop floor, giving disdainful answers to perfectly reasonable questions. I was asking about where a product was when this frightful young woman re-appeared with a trolley, glared at me and the staff member and said 'Do you mind?!' in an aggressive tone. I went instant school ma'am and said 'That would be 'Excuse me, please'' and the little troll had no other choice but to repeat my words, though she clearly wasn't happy about it.

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user1471538283 · 07/05/2022 11:40

Discuss this with your line manager and back up the discussion in writing.

Then look for another job. This is bullying.

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InadequateSleep · 07/05/2022 12:12

Yep, it's retail!

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emmetgirl · 07/05/2022 12:18

I employ a lot of people and would never dream of speaking to any of them like that. Look for another job!

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honeyrider · 07/05/2022 12:24

I was queuing to pay for something one time and a manager belittled a staff member in front of everyone, it was uncomfortable to witness but I spoke up and left the manager in no doubt of what I thought of her bullying and unprofessional behaviour.

I mentioned to the staff member on the receiving end that if she wanted to report the manager to head office I'd provide my details and if there was any further backlash from the manager to let me know next time I'd be in and I'd report it to head office.

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spongebunnyfatpants · 07/05/2022 19:01

If it was me, the next time he does it in front of the customers I'd be replying with the tried and teseted "did you mean to be so rude or are you always such and arsehole?" line.

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IRunbecauseILikeCake · 07/05/2022 19:12

InadequateSleep · 06/05/2022 23:53

He just walked off when I told him not to speak to me like that.

Good! You'll likely (and hopefully) find that he thinks twice about how he speaks to you moving forward.

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DogsAndGin · 07/05/2022 19:32

It’s not acceptable OP. Keep a log of it all, and complain to HR. If it escalates to the stage where you have no choice but to leave, it will be helpful to have evidence for your constructive dismissal

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bippityboppity87 · 07/05/2022 19:44

I would put in a grievance op. I had a similar scenario a couple of years ago with someone I work with. It had been going on for months and all the ignoring and "don't speak to me like that" didn't seem to work. I think they must have thought they were invincible as no "official" complaint had ever been logged. Until they starting effing and blinding at me, in front of customers. Well, it stopped pretty promptly after that once I went through the proper channels

I still work with them, but I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore and can actually have a pleasant conversation with them now. You shouldn't have to put up with that environment. They'll keep doing it if they think they can get away with it

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Cherrysoup · 07/05/2022 19:47

I bet he catches himself on now you’ve responded sharply. He’ll hopefully realise that he can’t speak to you like that.

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Notanotherwindow · 07/05/2022 19:49

Good, well done!

You don't have to take that. They don't pay you enough to take that.

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Mariposista · 07/05/2022 20:07

This is bullying .And the moment he used the F word, he can't claim that you are just being oversensitive. Silly fool has outed himself. As others are saying, keep a log, and take it to HR.

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bippityboppity87 · 07/05/2022 20:23

I'll probably get sacked

Sorry, just read the end of your post. This right here. You need to need to get this out of your mind or it won't change. I know it's hard, but, they were in the wrong, not you. And if they did find a way to sack you (which I think is doubtful) they'd have a pretty hefty lawsuit on their hands. Get it logged, so you have it in writing

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Murdoch1949 · 07/05/2022 21:17

Keep a log of all incidents, with full details of what he said, who was present, what you said etc, date/time. He's a twat, so many unfortunately. He's probably hot away with not being challenged, so kudos to you. There's little worse than someone calling an employee out in front of customers or other employees, the work of a small minded incompetent manager. Just keep speaking up and he will learn to treat you more respectfully.

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Irridescantshimmmer · 07/05/2022 21:44

Get yourself into a union, they will turn him to mincemeat for the way he has treated you.

For your own mental health don't let this continue for long because its not healthy.

If you have a good working relationships with colleagues and managers, this will work in your favour and cover yourself with every task you do, so do every task the best of your ability so he can't use it against you.

He is a complete and utter waste of organs.

Seek advice from the acas website

Hope this helps.

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Villagewaspbyke · 07/05/2022 21:47

That’s normal in my type of workplaces. If it’s a good job that you need I wouldn’t complain.

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