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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Would you mind stopping that now, please" Was I rude?

326 replies

dizzydizzydizzy · 05/05/2022 19:12

Lying down with eyes shut on gigantic upcycled bench made of pallets and astroturf.

2 kids ages about 8 jumping off backrest of bench onto seat about 20-30cm from my feet. Their mother was sitting in the bench about another metre from that (the bench is 5m long). They did it about 10 times each and each time they landed by my feet they made the bench vibrate. I then asked them if they could possibly stop doing it.

Their mother told me I was very rude and said I should move to an empty deckchair.
I told her I needed to lie down. She then told her kids to keep jumping.

Was I being rude? Or was she?

OP posts:
Maytodecember · 05/05/2022 20:32

And we wonder why so many kids have anti social behaviour. They have a parent like that.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:33

ArcheryAnnie · 05/05/2022 20:32

Oh, and I wouldn't be able to get out of a deckchair, either.

There is no way in hell I'd be getting out of a deck chair.

QueenCamilla · 05/05/2022 20:33

@APerfectlyGoodName

Yes, strangers should "correct" your child if you're out of the earshot/can't be arsed.

I had to parent a little twat kid myself today. He was kicking a football up in the air at the school pick up time and not caring a split second where it may land. The ball wooshed past my ears. I told the little brat that if he kicks that ball one more time, it's coming home with me.

Off he ran to whinge to his shit parent who was of course miles away scrolling on her phone.

At least she had the decency to not say anything to me!

YANBU op.

Original poster
dizzydizzydizzy · 05/05/2022 20:34

PacificState · 05/05/2022 19:49

It all depends on the tone you used when you said it. If it was a genuine request in a nice tone of voice, the mum should have responded in kind and asked the kids to move away from you. If you snapped and started ordering other people's kids around in an irritable tone, I'd have thought it was rude. Sounds like you were in somewhere like Granary Sq in Kings Cross or outside the NT in the south bank? If so these are two of the relatively few places that little kids can go in the city to blow off steam, and they're deliberately designed for people of all ages (including children) to convert to as many uses as possible, because so many people around there live in flats with no gardens. You can lie down if you like but you don't get to demand other people adapt their otherwise reasonable behaviour to suit your needs. You do get to ask nicely if they would, though.

I did ask in a calm and friendly voice.

We are not in London or any big city. Town centre. Most people here have houses and there is a large park with a lovely play area about 5 mins walk away .

OP posts:
mimi0708 · 05/05/2022 20:34

Hospedia · 05/05/2022 19:40

Was it a pop up park in a city centre? City near us has one in the summer and climbing on the installations was encouraged.

This, we have pop up parks in here with pallets as benches, some people use them for sitting down but in our place kids are always climbing and jumping on it, it's more of a play equipment in here

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:36

marvellousmaple · 05/05/2022 20:27

Sorry you are unwell, but you really can't expect people to accommodate your need for a lie-down in a public place. You should speak to your work about this. They can't just send you out to lunch to lie on the first bench you come across. How bloody odd. And yes I would have moved my kids away but with a lot of quiet muttering about how staying away from people who are behaving strangely in public is always a good idea.

I don't understand this viewpoint at all. Haven't you ever headed out, feeling ok, and then suddenly felt poorly and needed to sit down? I just can't get over the mentality of seeing an ill person and thinking that their kids can leap around them because they should have stayed at home.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:36

@filo443 glad MN agree with me.. and the other who reported your ABELIST bile

Blueberrywitch · 05/05/2022 20:37

She does sound very inconsiderate. The description of a bench made of pallets and AstroTurf does make it sound like it is a playground though… so maybe that is where misunderstanding lies and no one was being “rude” just misunderstanding.

Cherms · 05/05/2022 20:37

I do not understand why people think their child's idea of fun trump's other people's peace and quiet. If I needed to share a bench which was already occupied by someone lying down for whatever reason I would not allow my children to act in a way that disturbed them. Children can enjoy themselves in so many ways. They don't all have to be obnoxious.

Kite22 · 05/05/2022 20:41

Benches aren’t for jumping on. Play equipment is for jumping on

But it isn't a bench.
It is some astroturf over some palettes. For use in different ways by different people by the sounds of it.

Thanks for the suggestion for images @PacificState - helped me visualise what OP might have meant.

girlmom21 · 05/05/2022 20:43

@AllThingsServeTheBeam I wasn't being ableist to not assume things about the OP that don't exist in her OP.

You have long covid and RA and don't drive. That's crap. How often do you lie down on park benches?

I just think there were potentially better alternatives, as the OP hadn't given any reason other than the long covid as to why she had to lie on the bench.

Sittingonabench · 05/05/2022 20:45

A kids desire to use furniture (be that inside or outside) as a climbing frame does not trump a persons desire to use it to rest (which is what it is actually there for!). She has taught her children to be entitled and inconsiderate. If people want others to be considerate of their child’s energy and play then they need to teach their kids to be considerate of others needs. ‘Kids being kids’ is a useless excuse - kids are learning and will make mistakes but that doesn’t mean they should be able to do whatever they want regardless of other people

NotThis · 05/05/2022 20:45

Yet another thread where able bodied people can’t understand other peoples experiences, I’ll tell my 18 year old she should only stay within her limitations at all times, of course with Hypermobility, ME and POTs it means she would never leave the house, but at least other people won’t be bothered by her

QueenCamilla · 05/05/2022 20:47

The fact that jumping off the benches might be permitted, doesn't excuse jumping near on someone's feet.

It's allowed to play Frisbee on the beach. But it's only inconsiderate bad mannered twats who set up game in a crowded spot where other people have to dodge at each pass. Same thing.

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 20:48

I wouldn’t have let my children on to the bench you were on because I’d assume anyone lying down like that in a public place was a) ill, b) drunk or c) on drugs.
YWNBU to ask them to stop.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:48

girlmom21 · 05/05/2022 20:43

@AllThingsServeTheBeam I wasn't being ableist to not assume things about the OP that don't exist in her OP.

You have long covid and RA and don't drive. That's crap. How often do you lie down on park benches?

I just think there were potentially better alternatives, as the OP hadn't given any reason other than the long covid as to why she had to lie on the bench.

Not for everyone. No one needs to give a fucking reason. That's the point. Jesus wept.

The op was there first. Minding her own business. Some knob of a parent who thinks they don't need to parent their kids thinks that they should take priority?! No. She doesn't need to lie on the grass or in her car even if she should and had one.

5foot5 · 05/05/2022 20:50

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:13

If I saw someone lying down on a public bench I would assume that they felt ill.

Even if I was there first, I would stop my kids jumping in the manner op describes, but the fact that op was there first makes it even worse.

And if, for some unfathomable reason, my kids were jumping from the bench and landing near to the person lying down, I would certainly stop them once the person lying down asked them to stop.

But such is society at the moment. People do what they want and fuck any negative impact it might have on others.

This is the most sensible post so far.

Sounds like there was plenty of space for the kids to let off steam without going anywhere near the OP. What sort of entitled arsehole thinks their precious DCs right to run amok trumps someone else's obvious need to lie down.

Surely a decent person might be more concerned to see if you were OK than get snippy that you made a reasonable request that their offspring jump somewhere else

MissChanandlerBong80 · 05/05/2022 20:57

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:36

I don't understand this viewpoint at all. Haven't you ever headed out, feeling ok, and then suddenly felt poorly and needed to sit down? I just can't get over the mentality of seeing an ill person and thinking that their kids can leap around them because they should have stayed at home.

Show quote history

Sure but there were other seats available. If I’d suddenly felt unwell I would have sat/reclined in the empty deckchair, rather than lying down on a big shared space and telling other people off for disturbing me.

If I’m correctly picturing the kind of bench OP means, they’re designed to be multi-use and for kids to climb on them.

EL8888 · 05/05/2022 20:57

She was rude. You were way more polite to them than l would have been!

Cloud16 · 05/05/2022 20:57

Yanbu. Benches are for resting, not for climbing and jumping on. If her kids wanted to climb something, she shouldve taken them to a park with a climbing frame.

ClassyCupcake2020 · 05/05/2022 20:58

Mother of children could have been kinder.

But they're 8 year old children playing in a park. Its not really a nap space.

Autumnscene · 05/05/2022 20:58

I would’ve tripped the kids up, make them cry ! Then say they fell.

feral kids 😡

girlmom21 · 05/05/2022 20:59

@AllThingsServeTheBeam stop swearing. It's unnecessary and I think that's why the previous poster got defensive.

I don't think one person misusing equipment trumps anybody else misusing equipment, regardless of who was there first.
If a child is climbing up a slide, you don't stop anyone else sliding down it because that child was there first.

It doesn't sound like it was a proper bench - as others have suggested it sounds like something you'd expect to be played on.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:59

MissChanandlerBong80 · 05/05/2022 20:57

Sure but there were other seats available. If I’d suddenly felt unwell I would have sat/reclined in the empty deckchair, rather than lying down on a big shared space and telling other people off for disturbing me.

If I’m correctly picturing the kind of bench OP means, they’re designed to be multi-use and for kids to climb on them.

Show quote history

@MissChanandlerBong80 as I have said, and other posters have said, she might not have been able to make it to the deck chairs or get out of a deck chair once there. The op did nothing wrong at all

girlmom21 · 05/05/2022 20:59

Autumnscene · 05/05/2022 20:58

I would’ve tripped the kids up, make them cry ! Then say they fell.

feral kids 😡

They don't sound any more feral than an adult willing to trip up children.