Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Would you mind stopping that now, please" Was I rude?

326 replies

dizzydizzydizzy · 05/05/2022 19:12

Lying down with eyes shut on gigantic upcycled bench made of pallets and astroturf.

2 kids ages about 8 jumping off backrest of bench onto seat about 20-30cm from my feet. Their mother was sitting in the bench about another metre from that (the bench is 5m long). They did it about 10 times each and each time they landed by my feet they made the bench vibrate. I then asked them if they could possibly stop doing it.

Their mother told me I was very rude and said I should move to an empty deckchair.
I told her I needed to lie down. She then told her kids to keep jumping.

Was I being rude? Or was she?

OP posts:
LightningAndRainbows · 05/05/2022 20:07

Onwards22 · 05/05/2022 19:59

OP needed a lie down for their long covid. Who are we to judge whether or not that was what they needed.

No they didn’t.

Most of us have long covid and I’ve never come across anyone who needs to lie down.

If they do they can do it somewhere else and not take up half the space when there are plenty of people who may want to sit down.

Why did they not go and lie on the seats in the staff room if they were so tired?

Why should they though. Why should someone who needs a rest in a horizontal position be shunned into hiding elsewhere just because they aren't "performing" as you think they should.

APerfectlyGoodName · 05/05/2022 20:12

I wouldn't be happy with strangers correcting my children - especially when I am right there, but maybe out of earshot.

You asked 'Would they mind stopping?' but since their answer wasn't acceptable to you, I think you meant 'Stop'.
You think your use of the bench supercedes theirs. I think YABU.

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:13

If I saw someone lying down on a public bench I would assume that they felt ill.

Even if I was there first, I would stop my kids jumping in the manner op describes, but the fact that op was there first makes it even worse.

And if, for some unfathomable reason, my kids were jumping from the bench and landing near to the person lying down, I would certainly stop them once the person lying down asked them to stop.

But such is society at the moment. People do what they want and fuck any negative impact it might have on others.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:13

APerfectlyGoodName · 05/05/2022 20:12

I wouldn't be happy with strangers correcting my children - especially when I am right there, but maybe out of earshot.

You asked 'Would they mind stopping?' but since their answer wasn't acceptable to you, I think you meant 'Stop'.
You think your use of the bench supercedes theirs. I think YABU.

The ops use did supercede theirs. She was there first ffs.

Costacoffeeplease · 05/05/2022 20:13

Yep, easy to spot the entitled mums with feral kids on this thread.

FYI children don’t overrule everyone else in the world

Tilltheend99 · 05/05/2022 20:15

Not getting involved but don’t you think it would be better for your workplace to facilitate a space for you to lie down and rest if it is part of a long term disability? Hope you feel better soon.

Onwards22 · 05/05/2022 20:15

Why should they though. Why should someone who needs a rest in a horizontal position be shunned into hiding elsewhere just because they aren't "performing" as you think they should.

Because there are certain things you don’t do in public when there are other people around - literally what the point of this thread is.

OP said he didn’t like the kids jumping around.
Many people wouldn’t like someone lying down taking up half the bench.

APerfectlyGoodName · 05/05/2022 20:16

It's a 5m bench. Different if it was a sole use piece of park furniture.
First at a public ameniety doesn't mean exclusive use.

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:16

APerfectlyGoodName · 05/05/2022 20:12

I wouldn't be happy with strangers correcting my children - especially when I am right there, but maybe out of earshot.

You asked 'Would they mind stopping?' but since their answer wasn't acceptable to you, I think you meant 'Stop'.
You think your use of the bench supercedes theirs. I think YABU.

I don't think benches are designed for children to leap from.

OP's question was rhetorical because who the hell wouldn't make their kids stop doing something if an ill person asked nicely.

And the kids have learnt this lesson - do what you want, you are allowed to do what you want and I will support you, you do not need to consider the feelings of others.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 05/05/2022 20:17

Most of us have long covid

Really? Someone should alert The Lancet.

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:18

"Many people wouldn’t like someone lying down taking up half the bench."

But there were free seats so she was easily avoided.

filo443 · 05/05/2022 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:20

APerfectlyGoodName · 05/05/2022 20:16

It's a 5m bench. Different if it was a sole use piece of park furniture.
First at a public ameniety doesn't mean exclusive use.

It does if your kids are being little twats. They shouldn't be jumping off benches full stop.

PacificState · 05/05/2022 20:22

'Bench' can mean lots of different things. A 5m grass covered bench is not the same as a park bench.

I don't know if it was Granary Sq but have a Google for images of that - that's the environment some of us are imagining, not a wooden bench solely designed for sedate sitting. (I would attach a photo but I'm buggered if I can work out how to do it on the app.) Last time I was there in summer kids were absolutely swarming all over the shop, mixed with office workers and parents and students and hen parties and flaneurs. It's a mixed-use space.

LightningAndRainbows · 05/05/2022 20:23

I've never met a disabled person who needed to lie down in a public place, if you are that sick, stay within your limits, it's safer for you. you often don't know you are going to need a rest/lie down until its too late and you are out in public. It can be embarrassing enough at times when you get people staring without people telling you to stay at home...

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I was just pointing out how assuming that the op could lie on the grass or drive a car was wrong. You don't just assume. The op was doing naff all wrong.

The deck chairs might have been further away. I sometimes can't walk. Hip goes. Bam. Game over. So if I had some kids being a pain in the arse, jumping on and off a bench I was sitting on I'd be telling them to pack it in as well.

TheMooch · 05/05/2022 20:25

She was rude. Doesn't matter if you were laying down, sat eating your lunch, sat chatting to a friend. It was rude behaviour and she should have told them to stop it .

marvellousmaple · 05/05/2022 20:27

Sorry you are unwell, but you really can't expect people to accommodate your need for a lie-down in a public place. You should speak to your work about this. They can't just send you out to lunch to lie on the first bench you come across. How bloody odd. And yes I would have moved my kids away but with a lot of quiet muttering about how staying away from people who are behaving strangely in public is always a good idea.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sorry I missed that cuntish comment about 'staying within my limits' fuck me. Maybe disabled people just shouldn't leave the house.

That is the definition of abelism.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 05/05/2022 20:30

LightningAndRainbows · 05/05/2022 20:23

I've never met a disabled person who needed to lie down in a public place, if you are that sick, stay within your limits, it's safer for you. you often don't know you are going to need a rest/lie down until its too late and you are out in public. It can be embarrassing enough at times when you get people staring without people telling you to stay at home...

Report it. Disgusting. Being called woke I don't give a shit about. But that comment? Jesus.

ArcheryAnnie · 05/05/2022 20:30

girlmom21 · 05/05/2022 19:41

She was on her lunch break too far from home, and needed a rest.

Then she can lie on the grass or recline the seat in her car or ask for a private space at work.

I need frequent rests because of disability, too. If I lay on the grass I wouldn't be able to stand up again, I don't have a car, and there's no private spaces available at work. I would like to think I'd be allowed to rest on a public bench.

SuzyQ12 · 05/05/2022 20:31

justfiveminutes · 05/05/2022 20:13

If I saw someone lying down on a public bench I would assume that they felt ill.

Even if I was there first, I would stop my kids jumping in the manner op describes, but the fact that op was there first makes it even worse.

And if, for some unfathomable reason, my kids were jumping from the bench and landing near to the person lying down, I would certainly stop them once the person lying down asked them to stop.

But such is society at the moment. People do what they want and fuck any negative impact it might have on others.

Totally agree - the bench thing sounds big enough for the mum to have told her dc to move up a bit at least, so there was a bit more space between them playing and the person laying down, probably fairly obviously not feeling great.

toomuchlaundry · 05/05/2022 20:32

Benches aren’t for jumping on. Play equipment is for jumping on

ArcheryAnnie · 05/05/2022 20:32

Oh, and I wouldn't be able to get out of a deckchair, either.

alltheteeshirts · 05/05/2022 20:32

I guess it depends on how you ended up on the bench.

Did you go out on your lunch break and suddenly feel unwell? Then if you said, 'Could you please get them to stop that, I'm really not feeling well?' it would be rude not to show you compassion.

Did you purposefully go out on your lunch break to lie down in a public space? Then you were being unreasonable in asking people to use the rest of the space in the way you wanted. In which case, I don't think you were rude in asking, but unreasonable in expecting them to comply.

Separately, I'm sorry you're struggling with Long Covid. There's not enough help out there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread