To wonder if I'm the only one with no help at all?

[Sofielou]

When I look around at friends and colleagues, it seems that many of them have extended family support when it comes to their DC. For example, someone to call if DC are poorly at childcare and needed picking up early and born DP and I have work meetings we're struggling to cover; or someone to drive older DC to social events with their mates when you're stuck at home with a sick toddler and partner is working.... that sort of thing. We have absolutely no one. Not one person. My DP and I are a FT working (both of us) exhausted two man team, with zero back up from anyone else.

We're surely not alone with this, are we??

Can't you just pay for help if you're both working?

What sort of help do you mean? We can't afford a nanny. We already pay for a FT childminder while we work, which isn't cheap.

No family help here.

I mean a back up child minder local person, these people do exist. We also had no-one so relied on this kind of help

It's hard but it's not forever.

Also, don't forget there are two of you - make sure you split childcare straight down the middle.

DH and I had three little ones - one with a physical disability and another who is mentally impaired. No one wanted to trade childcare swaps although I met plenty of cheeky fuckers who would use me as childcare.

I eventually had to give up my career and life is a million times better. I have a Mum friend who also doesn't work and we help each other out.

Not working has come at a cost tho - we live in a tiny place and life has not been financially easy.

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding. Do you mean a second childminder who could collect youngest DC from the first childminder if she was unwell etc? Do these people exist? I didn't realise.

sofielou A regular babysitter eg teen girl, someone who works in a nursery or studying childcare and then if you are really in a bind your toddler knows someone and they could help in emergency out eg pick toddler up from childcare if you are delayed at work.
How old is your teen? The two teen girls I know with baby siblings are helpful and babysit for others too as they have experience. If she’s wanting lifts/money then it’s not unreasonable to expect her to pitch in in return. If she won’t and prefers to get another part time job maybe one of her friends or their older sisters would.

If you can pay someone to do it then they exist, you have to find them though.

@Minimalme

We mostly do split childcare down the middle but it's easier (generally) for me to be contacted at work and to leave work than it is for DP. So it does tend to fall to me if she's unwell and needs picking up.

This is fine for normal childcare. We get babysitters for evenings out. It's not so practical for when you are moving house - all my friends who moved house dropped their kids off to grandparents for 2-5 days - cost prohibitive and you want someone your kids know well. Ditto for when you are in labour.

And then there are the little things like if we have flat pack to put together that needs two people, we either have to book a day off work and then that means playing for more holiday club because we used up leave on that or we have to pay someone to do the flat pack. My friends who have family support just have their parents round to help with the kids while they do that sort of thing.

Or your DH is away and you turn your ankle and can't cope with your toddler.

Honestly if you have always had family support, you probably take that all for granted.

Both of us working doesn't mean we're millionaires and can pay for 24/7 nanny cover.

Both of us working doesn't mean we're millionaires and can pay for 24/7 nanny cover.

This. Absolutely!

Have you got a good relationship with your neighbours? I'm a single parent and my DCs dad lives abroad. My emergency contacts for nursery are my amazing neighbours who have kids at the same school and my 80 yo grandmother.

Or your DH is away and you turn your ankle and can't cope with your toddler.

Yes to this, too. I've never hurt my ankle but I have come down with an adult gastroenteritis bug in the middle of the night when DP was working a night shift. I had no choice but to call him and get him home from work early as I couldn't get up with the baby, I was physically stuck in the bathroom. It was awful. Thank god he doesn't work away as I'd be properly stuck if I got too sick to look after her. I don't know what I'd do.

*awful gastroenteritis bug, not adult 😂

Classicblunder - i'vve put flat packs together on my own as a single parent. You just make things work, however hard it is, and eventually things get easier.

And I am not suggesting 24/7 nanny cover, I am suggesting a local person who you can pay to do the odd job here and there

This sort of post I think underlines the massive local/regional difference in what's available to people.

For me, I was fortunate that at least nursery/school mums network was at least available, if quite hard work - which I get isn't the case for everyone. But the idea that there might be
someone local who I could call and pay to take my kids in an emergency that didn't involve booking them a fortnight in advance is totally foreign.

INSET says are the pain for us now with both kids in primary. We can usually throw money at our childcare challenges - holiday camps, babysitters, after school clubs, etc. But there aren't clubs or camps on INSET days, our babysitters have day jobs, so the best we can do is take half days of leave and try to organise mutual swaps with other parents.

Have you actually done this?

We do pay a lot of people to do of things - but we are picky about who looks after our kids and we don't use babysitters who don't know the kids well. That means primarily nursery workers and our cleaner - none of whom are always available. I don't know anyone who is available at short notice for that sort of work, actually.

We also can't really afford to outsource yet more - I am not throwing a pity party, we earn good salaries, we can afford nursery, holiday clubs and after school clubs, occasional evening babysitting, a cleaner, etc, we are really very fortunate to be able to do that but we can't on top also afford to rent a granny.

Classicblunder, yes I am speaking from experience but no I was not so picky about the carer in emergencies, as long as the kids were still alive and not traumatised, all good with me.

Previous post was wrong thread! But no, you are not alone. We live in a different country to all family, both full time, three kids.

Same here, we basically spend most of the evening/weekends taking it in turns with DD while the other one does stuff that needs to be done.

Personal choice obviously but for me I am most picky about childcare in an emergency because that is when my kids are most likely to be unsettled. My DS1 also had food allergies so I want to be comfortable that any babysitter understands what he can't eat and is comfortable with an epi pen if necessary