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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think social services may be called (again) for my behaviour?

116 replies

again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:01

I have a DD (4) and we do everything together- I taught her to ride a bike, we go to the parks and farms locally, dancing, swimming etc but I'm also the one who takes her to pre school and I find the school run very stressful. DD messes about and finds reasons to dawdle- goes back for toys and wants to put sticks from the garden in the car, won't brush her teeth etc and we are always on the last minute. I have a 60 mile round trip every day for work and get stressed when we run late and I end up shouting and slamming doors and running around in a mad panic, trying to get DD in car and house in fit state before I leave. I don't swear (well, hardly at all) but if you heard me you'd hear me counting from 10 to 1 for DD to get in her seat "For gods sake get in the car, now" "stop playing up" ...today it was "your a mess, that's dirty"... that kind of thing. Her dad is lazy and doesn't do anything to help in fact he's often still in bed by the time we leave for school.

I get on OK with my neighbours at the moment but I'm sure they hear me shouting and stressing. Two houses one side have no kids, next door have two but I don't hear anything and ditto next to that.
I'm so scared social services will be called as people think I'm loosing it and being an abusive mum. For context, I've been called SS on twice. First time was my MIL, about me giving DD hot food straight from the oven. This happened once or twice but in my defence I had post partum psychosis and lingering depression and was exhausted as DD didn't sleep well for years. I couldn't believe MIL did that.
Also a neighbour- I don't think it's the ones I've already mentioned- rang SS as I left DD in her car seat to sleep for a few mins while I put some shopping away a couple of years ago...the window was open and I checked her every couple of minutes. I haven't done this since as I was mortified when SS rang me again. I'm on pins about it happening again basically.

On top of what I've mentioned,my partner drinks a lot and we sometimes argue and neighbours regularly see me take loads of empty drinks bottles to the recycling bins.

So my question is : AIBU to think SS will be called again because of behaviour like mine?

Also, how can I stop stressing and shouting in the morning rush? I try to get everything possible ready the night before but it doesn't help the struggle to leave the house.

Thanks if you read my garbled tale.

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/05/2022 23:24

Her dad is lazy and doesn't do anything to help in fact he's often still in bed by the time we leave for school.

That sounds like the problem, you are (rightly) resentful of him and he gives you no help. Could you move out and relocate closer to work? Try to address the cause because whether social services are called or not it doesn't sound as if you or dd are particularly happy.

Thesearmsofmine · 01/05/2022 23:26

OP from looking back at some of your previous posts it sounds like you could use some support that SS could help you to access. I suspect if you left your partner you would find everything much easier.

Original poster
again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:29

@Thesearmsofmine Ah ok, I guess SS are not all bad. I'm always terrified of loosing my daughter due to past MH stuff or my situation as described.

OP posts:
Eupraxia · 01/05/2022 23:30

Can you leave your alcoholic partner?

By keeping your child in a house with an alcoholic, you are not behaving proactively. That calls into question your ability to parent, alongside his ability.

Shedcity · 01/05/2022 23:31

Seems like you have too much on, that’s a long journey to do every day (any option to get a job closer to home?- i appreciate that’s easier said than done though!) a DH who drinks too much and doesn’t help you
and you’re shouting at DD because of it.

DH is your problem, but yelling so much at DD isn’t ok either. She’s 4. She doesn’t deserve so much yelling and some swearing.

even if SS aren’t called, your DD isn’t ok in this situation

Icecreamandapplepie · 01/05/2022 23:31

Aw bless ya. Haven't read your previous posts but it takes alot (ALOT) for ss the remove childrenbfrom their parents, and mostly they just want to support then to be able to stay with their parents.

Icecreamandapplepie · 01/05/2022 23:31

Excuse typos

Eupraxia · 01/05/2022 23:31

Protectively*

Original poster
again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:33

@Shedcity Thanks for your honesty. I work 3 days a week. Job is good pay and quite niche although I have thought of trying to find something closer to home. Would be less money, but may be needed.

I feel for DD. We are very close, but I shout at her too much when rushing to get out and feel terrible about it.

OP posts:
leccybill · 01/05/2022 23:33

Leave your OH. He is the problem.
Sounds like you and her would do great on your own.

FortniteBoysMum · 01/05/2022 23:36

Personally I wouldn't bat an eyelid. Anyone who has raised kids knows mornings when your in a rush are when they play up. Best advice is anything that can be done night before do so. Think lunches sorting bag, uniform etc. You mention your partner does nothing to help in the morning and it sounds like this is probably due to drinking the night before. Tell him it needs to stop and that he needs to start taking her some mornings. If his as useless as he sounds I would start thinking about ending things. You will be surprised how hid attitude is probably bringing you down making you more snappy in the mornings.

Leeds2 · 01/05/2022 23:36

I haven't read your previous posts, but your MIL is reporting you to SS when her son is an alcoholic who does nothing?
If this is true, I think you would be best served by getting rid of him.

TurquoiseSwirl · 01/05/2022 23:37

It might be hard to answer but is your partner an alcoholic? And is he adding anything to your life? SS are only concerned when you can’t see the damage a partner is do and choose to stick with your partner over your child.

Feckingfeck · 01/05/2022 23:38

So sorry OP

Suggest as others have really. You have a DH problem

Otherwise the key to getting out the house smoothly is organisation the night before also a reward system for DD?

Onwards22 · 01/05/2022 23:38

I assumed you were a single parent at first.

What time does your DP go to work?
Can he take your DD to school on the days you work?

If he’s got a drinking problem and you’ve had SS called out twice, then it’s not looking good and they will your DD isn’t being cared for properly.

Your DH needs to stop drinking and if he can’t he needs to move out.

You need to make sure everything is prepared the night before and then leave 20mins earlier.
The later you are the more your DC will need a wee or walk slowly etc as it’s Sod’s law.

RandomMess · 01/05/2022 23:38

Why doesn't your DP take her to school on the days you work if he's home?

Telling he needs to and follow through. Get yourself ready for work tell him you are leaving and DD needs taking to school.

WTF475878237NC · 01/05/2022 23:40

I would leave the house in a mess and expect your husband to tidy it if he doesn't do anything else whilst you're on the school run and driving a long commute. He is a party of the problem and your daughter is suffering the consequences of it all as you say.

Original poster
again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:44

It does feel like I am a single parent, DP does very little hence me deciding to have one child.
He doesn't drink every day but binges every weekend, sometimes more than once. He's a big bloke who can drink 30 units in one sitting, easily.
He doesn't add much to my life.
Contrary to all this he actually runs his own business and works from home but has meetings in the morning most days. I take Dd to school as I go that way and am more flexible time wise. However the time of year being what it is I will ask him to walk DD to school once a week (we only have 1 car which I use).

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 01/05/2022 23:46

again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:33

@Shedcity Thanks for your honesty. I work 3 days a week. Job is good pay and quite niche although I have thought of trying to find something closer to home. Would be less money, but may be needed.

I feel for DD. We are very close, but I shout at her too much when rushing to get out and feel terrible about it.

In that case, can you get a home closer to your job? Dd is 4 so easily moved, you really really need to leave your partner behind. He is not helping you at all, quite the opposite. I think you'd be blown away with how much less youd shout when he's not in your lives.

Onwards22 · 01/05/2022 23:50

Is there a breakfast club she can attend?
You can drop her off earlier and then you’re not stressed about getting to work on time.

DressingGownofDoom · 01/05/2022 23:51

You're snapping at her when really you'd like to be snapping at him for being lazy and not helping you. There's a simple way to turn this around.

Original poster
again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:51

@Onwards22 This is definitely a good idea. I was avoiding it due to the extra expense, but it could be worth it.

OP posts:
Original poster
again2020 · 01/05/2022 23:52

@DressingGownofDoom You've hit the nail on the head.

(Great username, btw)

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 02/05/2022 00:07

Oh OP. I’m so sorry. I’ve read your other threads and I just feel so sad for you. Please leave him. Sod your parents and the money for a house. Get out so you and DD can have a lovely life without him.

Original poster
again2020 · 02/05/2022 00:10

@user1473878824 Thank you 💜💐

OP posts:
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