to feel phoning my parents is a duty rather than a pleasure.

[TasticFantastic]

I'm the daughter, brother is two years younger.
Grew up with lots of 'my house, my rules' one rule or expectation for girls, another for boys.
Younger brother is definitely golden child to the point we joke about me being No 2.
So teen years pretty grim, couldn't wait to leave home. This is making me a better parent to my own teens
Now in my late 40s
I hate the duty phone call, I hate the parenting advice, the relentless talk about people I haven't met. The bitching about relatives, the adoration of my feckless, lazy brother.
The pity party because she hates not being able to go on expensive cruises, how eating soup from Waitrose is such a chore.
I now minimise the amount of information I give her because it gets spread around the family or totally judged in her standard way. Eg ' interviewed on BBC2, shame it's not on BBC1'

AIBU, tried drinking, tried playing stupid phone farming games, each phone call gets more duty like. I know their past, their background how tough it was for four years in the 70s but I feel their 'respect your parents' has killed any love and I find their small talk really boring.

Your parents will not be around forever

Make the most of those chats

I browse MN whilst talking to my DM. She tells me the most inconsequential stuff and I just need to mutter affirmatives very so often. One day I will be boring my DDs senseless no doubt!

I hear you Op
In fact I have to phone more regularly so as not to be accused of doing the "duty phone call" I rarely phone on a Sunday for just this reason

Ffs. No. Stupid comment

Same OP. I wouldn't be even bothering to speak to them if they weren't my parents. I only keep doing it because I think they will be upset if I don't (but maybe I'm kidding myself - like you, my brother is the much favoured child). I keep our phone calls short and functional. I don't say anything about myself and I plan innocuous questions to ask them ( "how is the garden looking after all that rain") to fill the time.

I think people who have good relationships with their parents will not get it. My life is not any better for having them in it.

Agree. Not everyone has the same relationship with their parents.

My mum has always been quite demanding in all her relationships - always has to be the sun around which everybody else orbits. Is never wrong. About anything. I have never, ever heard her apologise, even when her 'mistakes' and 'misunderstandings' have caused serious damage to other people's relationships. Consequently, I tell her very, very little about my life. Our phone calls are short, very bland and to be hobest, yes, are duty calls. I love my mum but honestly, if we weren't related, I probably wouldn't bother.

Life is too short! Favouritism is toxic. I would not bother, well I would, but by the sounds of it a lot less often than you call them. How often is it currently?

Just stop phoning them - you will feel so much better.

I understand this feeling a bit. I've learnt that the secret is short and sweet. I often make sure I have something else on unless alcohol is involved (she's much easier once G&T is in hand(.

I've recently gone to email/letter/card only with my mother. The relief is immeasurable.

Switch to text! Or Whatsapp instead and tell her you are too busy to talk but happy to message. Then you can read and reply in your own time. Perfect!

I rarely phone mine now, luckily my DC video call them regularly so I can get the pleasantries in that way. Before then I would call out of guilt.

I don’t think think my mum has ever sincerely asked me how I am, and when I have told her about any issues in my life her focus is on telling it to other people as gossip rather than showing any compassion. She has very little interest in my life beyond the grandkids. I know I’m a hypocrite because I ask very little about her either but it’s utterly draining. I don’t think we’ve ever really had a proper chat or heart to heart conversation and it really upsets me but it just doesn’t come naturally to our relationship.

They might die tomorrow but it doesn't mean you have to relish their annoying traits. My parents died young and tragically and I still think some things were a chore. Their early deaths didn't change the facts.

So don't do it.

Give over 🙄. I speak to dps every 2 or 3 weeks. We chat Over whatsapp and I can't honestly think of more to say. I cannot do mind numbing small chit chat daily. When we do speak we have a good catch up but that's because there's a build of interesting and useful things to talk about.

See, this is why I am no longer involved in either of my daughter's lives.

I don't want to become a chore...I get that they're busy with their own lives. I began to hear that impatience in their voices on their infrequent phone calls, after my husband, their father, died.

So I decided to let them go. Be free. I stopped calling them & blocked their numbers. Haven't had any contact for over 2 years.

When I read all these posts, I am reassured that I have made the right choice. They have their lives and families. I love them both still and wish them happy...burden free lives. I am content.

Have they made any contact? Letter, email, popped round?

My Dad is v. self-absorbed and he talks mainly about himself when we chat, it gets boring. In person, he’s more interesting and interested in his grandchildren-but on the phone he uses me as a therapist!

if I do tell him something about my life, he usually overanalyzes and criticizes…so I keep it light!

When my two are adults, I hope I’ll be more interested in and non-critical of their lives. And I’ll make a point if not venting to them, that’s what my closest friends are for (we mutually vent).😂

It's comforting to read some of these posts. It makes me feel less alone with the difficult relationship I have with my mum.

My DF is extremely irritating, racist, sexist etc, talking to him is a trial. However, having lost my DM young, I bite my tongue and am grateful to still have a parent around. I find keeping it short and having something to talk about helps.

@onedayiwillmissthis : That sounds so, so sad.
How long has it taken you to feel "content"?

YANBU OP.

I call my mum because I have to, but she bores me rigid, only talks about the same tv programme every time, I’m not interested and have never watched it, nor will I ever watch it. Other than that she tells me who’s died. I used to get a call after three days of not calling, saying she was worried about me (I’m in my 50s!). Recently she got a bit too judgy and I told her I don’t need it. I now ring once a week and visit every 2 to 3 weeks. It’s still too much, but I haven’t the guts to cut back more. I’m an only child, however she has plenty of friends where she lives.

I’m a mum waiting for a call to let me know they’re still alive and ok.

iRun, one has sent flowers each Mother's Day, I have sent text thanking her, but that's it.