Why are people on here so pressed about the existence of SAHMs?

[DaffodilsandCoffee]

It’s fair enough to point out the existence of certain downsides are risks, but there seems to be so much spite and resentment on here. Why are some posters do angry at the existence of women who prefer to do all the childcare themselves rather than outsource some of it? Also, are they equally as angry at SAHDs? (I know it’s not as common but I personally know 3)

It’s a case of being organised and sharing the load. And getting a slow cooker.

@Silverswirl

My kids respect my work. They like that I work and have money to buy the stuff they want

I'm also sure there's research that shows that kids of women who work have better outcomes in terms of their own careers and views on equality

But I guess as someone who thinks women evolved to breed you won't care much about that.

I take my kids to school and play with them after school too. You don’t need to be a SAHM to do that.

That's great. I guess I'm thinking of working FT when parents are at work 9-5 and don't get home until dinner time. There's really not a lot of time left after that.

And of course, some parents can't walk kids to school.due to need to be at work by X time. So of course there are jobs that don't fit this pattern though.

You need MONEY to pursue things though such as a hobby it's costly!

Gosh. Touched a nerve?

I said that article was an interesting read. It is. Yes, it’s one person’s perspective. Every single post on this thread is someone’s personal perspective and experience. And that article is a perspective and experience that hasn’t been shared on the thread. Why are you so keen to silence it? I read it several years ago and it stayed with me because it’s impossible not to empathise with him (unless you’re a complete sociopath) - his pain, misery and hopelessness come through in every syllable.

It’s just one perspective. I’m sure many men love being the sole wage earners for their families. But it must be stressful.

Young kids often prefer to have a parent at home, this is true, if that parent is decent, and not all are let’s face it, some plonk em in front of the telly and don’t get involved so childcare is better

but I think once the mid teens hit most kids prefer both parents to be in work if possible usually, and not heavily focused on them as well as they do respect them more if they do work,

It’s very hard to respect someone advising you on career choices when they themselves haven’t worked for years. Mainly though they don’t really comprehend it.

so when they are too young to understand they don’t care or prefer a parent ar home, when they understand the work of work and money, then they don’t often respect the decision to stay home , or understand it, but would never tell the parent.”get a job”. They stay silent.

@KittyWithoutAName

Are you generally an easily stressed person?

Since when did 40 hours equate to the majority of your life?

I'm lying in bed now doing fuck all.

But I guess as someone who thinks women evolved to breed you won't care much about that.

You can't really deny we have different biological functions relating to giving birth and feeding children and that our hormones are different. We did evolve the ability to carry and nurture young. It doesn't mean that's all we can do, nor does it mean that every woman is suited to that role just because her body can do it. It doesn't stop us doing what we feel is best.

My kids respect my work. They like that I work and have money to buy the stuff they want*

I respect both of my my parents, only one worked. Work was not what earned my respect or not.

It's entirely up to the family and their finances what they do.
Both are fine to do. Why does everything have to be so competitive?

I stayed home for a little while and then went back to work.
Now that I'm nearly retirement age, I've tried to retire several times and I can't seem to do it. I love what I do.

I wouldn't give up work unless I could still afford to pay for at least 3 days childcare and dh would be cool with that (he wouldn't!) I really respect anyone who can tolerate their children for all that time, the issue is often they can't and they then complain about it, when they do often have a choice in the matter.

Alternatively you get the "I didn't have children to pay someone else to look after them..." contingent, assume they are either rude and mean or miserable and super defensive.

I think it's fair enough to note the downside risk to SAHM in not having a pension or a cv to speak of. Men the world over do seem to consistently act in ways that suggest it's not ideal to be entirely reliant on them after all. If you're married, financially secure, have a partner who contributes 50/50 to childcare and home life outside of their working hours, are contributing to your own private pension and getting NI credits, and you prefer to stay at home with the kids (and are not going to moan about it), crack on I say. Most of the time not all these things can be said to be true and if they're not personally I'd rather work.

Since when did 40 hours equate to the majority of your life?

8 hours a day... 8 hours asleep... That's 16 hours gone. There are only 24 in a day, so only 8 hours left free, the morning ones usually spent getting ready for work and preparing kids for school, maybe some cleaning or walk the dog.
Home time gotta get dinner ready and help kids with homework and do laundry or whatever, wash dishes...

It just doesn't sound like much free time at all.

And yes, if you spend 8 hours a day working and 8 hours approx sleeping, and spend some of your free 8 hours a day prepping and doing chores and things you have to do to get through life, that's not really free-time to me.

The majority of the day is spent working or asleep, so on your entire life yeah, most of your time is spent working,.sleeping, or catching up on chores.etc. Minimal free time.

But hey, I've felt like this since young. I remember thinking we didn't get enough free-time when I was at school.

@KittyWithoutAName

Giving birth is a tiny fraction of raising children. By the time they're a year even its irrelevant.

Men also produce hormones. In fact they more direct childcare the do the more 'nurture' hormones they produce.

Neither women or men are done aby favours by pretending women are biologically suited better to parenting. It does everyone, including kids a disservice.

Work was not what earned my respect or not.

I said they respected my work. Not me. Weirdly enough they respect my work and me.

Unless your kids to go bed at 5.15 it’s plenty of time. Mine go through the trauma of after school club some nights (where they do awful things like go to Lego Club or play with toys), or the trauma of being picked up by their father (a MAN, pass me the smelling salts). I atone by self flaggelating on an evening.

seriously though what’s with all the head tilty “I just don’t know how these women EVER see Their kids” type comments.

@KittyWithoutAName

I work 3 or 4 days a week.

Not everyday.

I have loads of free time.

You cant imagine working. I cant imagine not working.

You think working is stressful. I think the description of your day (for every day not as a day off) sounds boring and a bit lazy.

As loads of folk keep saying everyone is different with different needs and wants

seriously though what’s with all the head tilty “I just don’t know how these women EVER see Their kids” type comments.

Not about that. I don't see how everything fits in, work chores AND the children. So, I would feel to spent the time after work with my kids, the chores will suffer and the laundry and stuff won't be done. I just don't want to feel rushed like that. By 7pm my kid is having a shower and usually in bed at 7.30.for bedtime stories. If I get home at 5.30pm, I only have 1.5 hours before bedtime.

@PlasticineMeg

While never wondering how theor ohs manage it eh?

🤣

sounds boring and a bit lazy.

Yes I am lazy. I like a quiet, chilled, slow life.

I work 3 or 4 days a week. Not everyday. have loads of free time.

then clearly I wasn't talking about you. You don't work FT, of course you have lots of free time. Many don't.

The way I see it, if you have a job you enjoy, that fits into your desired lifestyle that's great. Likewise if you are a SAHP in a family that has a reliable and committed "breadwinner" that also does some housework or pays for someone else to do it (cleaner/housekeeper etc) and has some help with the children.

What sucks is work. Doesn't matter if its at home or out of the home. Being obligated to any kind of drudgery is shit, whether the obligation is because you need the money or you need the social credit with your family or wider society or anything. It sucks, its shitty, no-one likes or wants that and anyone will go as far as their own tolerance level for risk and the opportunities around allows to avoid it. Some people get out of the drudgery of work by using their children. Some people get out of the drudgery of children by using their work. Either is understandable. Then people stuck in the drudgery of work/children look over at the other side thinking "why do they get away without the obligations that are burdensome to me?!" - when the real question should be "how can I minimise the drudgery in my life?".

Ultimately it's an optimisation problem.

Some people get out of the drudgery of work by using their children. Some people get out of the drudgery of children by using their work. Either is understandable.

I agree with this. I don't work to make my daily life less rushed etc.

@KittyWithoutAName

I do work full time. And still have loads of free time.

Full time is classed as anything over 37.5 hours a week. I work more than that.

I do work full time. And still have loads of free time.

Full time is classed as anything over 37.5 hours a week. I work more than that.

Ok. Good for you. I wouldn't want to work that many hours.

This has got to be the most bizarre post I’ve read for a while and that’s saying something.
Yes of course women have evolved to breed. There wouldn’t be any humans on the planet if they hadnt!
Yes women have evolved to feed their baby. Historically and up until the past 100 years or so, if a women didn’t feed the baby the baby wouldn’t survive or wouldn’t thrive.
Childbirth may become irrelevant after a time but feeding doesn’t. And once the feeding is done, historically the woman would have become pregnancy again.
Of course I don’t think women are only here to have children in 2022. But what is absolutely true is that for the past 200,00 years of human history the woman births, and feeds the child. NOT the man.
To say otherwise is completely bizarre.

To work 40 hours over as little as 3-4 days you must be doing 10-12 hour days on some. Sounds like hell to me. But likewise, you wouldn't want my life. Swings and roundabouts.

@Silverswirl

Huh?

I didnt say men had evolved to birth children

I dont think women or men should be reduced to biology. Or that who gives birth to children makes a huge amounts of difference in who can parent.

Both men and women can and should be equal parents