To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

what type

The type who feel very strongly that they want a parent at home. Just so long as it isn't them.

Unless your DH is a SAHP, in which case I beg your pardon

@Topgub he is based at home 5 days out of 7 so pretty much. On his 5 days at home he does make / take a few calls but it’s not exactly working. We also do some site visits.
We do every bath & bed time together. We both took our son to hospital appointments together without exception. The long hours and building up of the businesses were mainly before we had our children and the ones when DD was young were juggled well.

@TheKeatingFive yeah think you got me / my DH mixed up with someone else but it’s fine. That’s certainly not my DH you’re describing.

Sounds like a lovely set-up Louise0701. Turns out 'this type' is not so bad afterall.

@Louise0701

Would you consider a woman who worked 5 days at home to be a sahm?

How come you don't also work 5 days at home and also be a sahm?

On his 5 days at home he does make / take a few calls but it’s not exactly working.

This is somewhat vague. How long does he spend on a 'few calls'? If he's independently wealthy or able to make a good living via 'a few calls' that's very privileged and not really comparable with most people's set ups.

@Topgub worded it wrong. He answers / makes a few work calls. He isn’t working those 5 days. I also make / take calls.
I don’t have to do any work for my income. So I can’t consider myself a working mum as it wouldn’t be fair to those who do work.
I don’t work as I choose for volunteer and do charity work. Having a child who had a severe illness changes your perspective. I volunteer twice a week at the children’s hospital and spend time with terminally ill children. On a Wednesday I deliver food parcels to families struggling due to being off work due to having terminally ill children. So I still feel I contribute to society, albeit not economically. I’m happy with my life and my choices.

Funny way of saying sorry for inferring her husband was an arsehole.

@TheKeatingFive financially privileged, yes.
The managers running his business day to day sometimes call for decisions and he will call them mid day to check in. It might be 5 mins it might be 30. All depends really.
I appreciate we aren’t a normal set up and are very lucky financially but I never claimed we had a normal set up.
Weve also had one of our children survive a severe illness so I wouldn’t consider us generally “lucky”

@FourTeaFallOut quite!

Thank you! He is brilliant.

@Louise0701

Christ does mother Teresa know you're stealing her thunder? 🤣🤣

I'm glad your oh put his childcare where his mouth was

Quite the anomaly.

Me and him should start a band. Working sahd and wm who did as much childcare as a sahm.

(Sorry your child was ill, glad they are better!)

@Topgub haha I didn’t mean to sound sanctimonious! Just stating I don’t purely wash clothes and clean my house.
Anyway, she’s safe; I drink far too much wine and swear too much!

@Louise0701

She was an arsehole any way

It's a very common trope on here to have husbands who feel strongly about having someone stay at home, so long as it's not them. It gets referenced all the time.

What Louise is describing is essentially an independently wealthy family where no one needs to work beyond the odd call. That's a very different prospect and surely both parents are SAH in that situation. It's also extremely unusual. Not that there's anything problematic about that, it's just very different to many SAH experiences.

@TheKeatingFive

Its also very different to the usual trope of the hard working ceo who works so incredibly hard they obviously deserve all that money.

Its also very different to the usual trope of the hard working ceo who works so incredibly hard they obviously deserve all that money.

absolutely

@TheKeatingFive absolutely agree; it’s far from the usual set up and we appreciate we are very lucky to have this set up. It wasn’t always this way and there have been years of 7 day weeks for both of us before this point. He does still do 2 days out of house but leaves early so is home for a reasonable hour to have dinner with us.

I hope it won’t turn out to be problematic to our children but that remains to be seen as they’re all still young but I think how our children turn out will be down to how we; as parents, have raised them and not what our home set up is.
I’m hoping they will be happy, healthy and well rounded.

I think it’s great that people have good set ups with work and hope they become more available to everyone!

Not all people have flexible job options open. Before pandemic DH work was not v keen on hybrid work (though they were allowed occasional wfh days) - now much better as they have found that work didn’t stop during pandemic. It is probably harder to get these wfh jobs with fewer qualifications though? I think retail, hospitality, caring can be hard to be flexible (and hard to get childcare as wages tend to be not that high) - though if employers put the effort in, I’m sure they could come up with a better structure that fits more people (eg smart rota-optimising software)

Assuming your MIL is older with adult DC, then she's not a SAHM is she? If you don't work once the kids are independent then you're just unemployed IMO. Not saying that's wrong necessarily but it's how I see it.

If you don't work once the kids are independent then you're just unemployed

I always think that suggests you are actually seeking paid employment.

Perhaps that's the definition of unemployment, I don't know. I just thought unemployed meant someone who doesn't work, unless they have young children or are retired.

I never described myself as “unemployed”. There was always an option of “homemaker” or similar. A long time ago (pre children) I worked on the census… knocking on doors and helping people with their forms. In the training we were told that “unemployed” was only if actively seeking work and / or claiming unemployment benefits.

When I was a SAHM I was not seeking work nor claiming any benefit or tax credits (other than child benefit for the NI protection). I was not unemployed - I was very busy and just not in PAID employment.

If you don't work once the kids are independent then you're just unemployed

Unemployed means you're actively seeking (paid) work!