To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

I can articulate though.

what then?

That would be nice some evenings mind!

Weirdly DH was away for 6 months when DS was a toddler and periodically since with work, yet they are extremely close and he has always taken an interest in, and been aware of his favourite (ever changing) foods etc. I don't doubt there are benefits to staying home with children, but I also don't think working has negative consequences for the child as a default. Although I suppose my parenting might not be as specialised (still not sure what it means) we can build some cool stuff together as I'm sharpening my engineering skills at work. So all is not lost I suppose.

Indeed. Time will tell. The truth is out there...

At no point did your early posts preface your views with 'in my experience' So people are going to call it out as claptrap when they see that.

Why is it necessary to call my experience claptrap? I thought we were discussing the issue of how sahms spend their time. And in my case I feel that I could not have raised bilingual children if I had continued to work outside of the home. Yes, that's my experience.

Indeed. Time will tell. The truth is out there

well that's certainly clarified things

Why is it necessary to call my experience claptrap?

because you were presenting it as universal.

im not sure how you'd even pretend to know how difficult it is for wohm to raise their children bilingual anyway as it seems you haven't tried it

I think some MN people are just triggered by the very fundamental basic thought of the existence of SAHMs. It literally doesn't matter what a SAHM says, these people (well women because men don't care) will take offence.

It reminds me of the independent school threads. Like a family with a SAHM, there will be whole myriad of reasons why people use independent schools, rather than the local state school. But to the parents of those in the state school, there is nothing the independent school 'choosers' can really say because the very action of choosing one school over another is tantamount to saying "We think this is better."

SAHMs arouse suspicion and insecurity on the very deepest level in SOME women's (though not generally normal people in real life, I have to say) because they think essentially - "What does she think she's doing with her kids that I'm not doing with mine?" To this mindset, a SAHM can't say anything without it appearing being interpreted as - "saying there is a benefit to a SAHM is devaluing WOHMs" As illustrated precisely on this thread because someone has actually said that in all seriousness!

Basically, just don't worry about it. Worry about something you can actually do something about instead.

im not sure how you'd even pretend to know how difficult it is for wohm to raise their children bilingual anyway as it seems you haven't tried it

I don't need to justify myself but I happen to have invested a lot of time and research into bilingualism and I happen to know a lot of families trying to raise bilingual children.

So perhaps I do know a little bit?

@hihellohihello

Do you view a specialised skills set as superior to a diversified skill set?

yes. Ever heard the phrase Jack of all trades, master of none?

Its also about context.

@mintlimelemon that's a very good summary!

@mintlimelemon

What a load of rubbish lol 😆

Thanks @mintlimelemon.

@TheKeatingFive - what if the choice of jobs available to a sahp is long/odd hours low paid work?

They could do this and also (as a couple) pay for a childminder/nursery and try and practice their language in the shorter time they have together. But it may be more efficient (time/energy) for them to take sahp role. That’s not to say that someone with a bigger choice of jobs could not get a well-paying part time job both earning money and teaching their child their language (thus achieving both). The caveat is ‘all things being equal’.

in my situation (both parents working) both me and DH are too exhausted to do much music practice with our kids. My mum as a sahp did this with me. DS’s friend has a sahp who helps encourage her in practice and is playing grade 8 pieces in primary school. Sure, some wohp’s also manage this - but I know the mum and working in addition to this would probably make it too much to manage.

So perhaps I do know a little bit?

Well you said this, which is manifestly not true, so I'm not sure tbh

Extremely unlikely if not impossible to achieve if the parent speaking the minority language isn't at home most of the time.

They could do this and also (as a couple) pay for a childminder/nursery and try and practice their language in the shorter time they have together. But it may be more efficient (time/energy) for them to take sahp role.

of course, I'm not saying anyone shouldn't do this, I'm saying that it's obviously bollocks to say that WOHP are 'extremely unlikely, if not impossible' to be able to raise their children billingual

@TheKeatingFive

I have consistently said that teaching a child to become bilingual is very difficult. The reality is that it’s a hard job being the minority-language parent, no matter what that language may be. But if the minority language is a lesser-spoken language, or if it is the language of a working parent, who naturally has less time to spend speaking to the children, the job becomes harder still.

*I have consistently said that teaching a child to become bilingual is very difficult.

you said it was difficult if not impossible for someone who wasn't at home to do it and out of my own small circle I know a number who have done so and they don't seem to have presented it as a mammoth task either. We all have different skills. I'm hazarding here that being at home isn't all that relevant to how easy it is for you,

I'm hazarding here that being at home isn't all that relevant to how easy it is for you,

Sure, go ahead and hazard. Perhaps your friends are far more capable than me

Ever heard about allusions to 'Ivory towers', ''head in the clouds' and 'not living in the real world', 'cut off from reality', 'bit of an anorak', 'geek', 'nerd'. Plenty of insults aimed at specialists too.

Perhaps your friends are far more capable than me

I don't know you so I'm not going make that judgement. They didn't find it 'very difficult if not impossible' however.

Good for your friends

@hihellohihello

None if those have anything to do with what we're discussing

Its ok to say you think being a sahm is better, more specialised etc.

If that's what you think. Or that wm are insecure and hate sahm

People will disagree. Thats ok too.

None if those have anything to do with what we're discussing
They were as relevant as the insults aimed at those who have a diversified skills set.

Its ok to say you think being a sahm is better, more specialised etc.
If that's what you think. Or that wm are insecure and hate sahm
But it's not what I do think. I suspect it might be easier for you because then you could dismiss what I say more easily.

People will disagree. Thats ok too.
But the reality is there is often a cross over in people's opinions. The middle ground. It's this I aim to find, along with the contexts where each end of the spectrum of opinion might be correct.

Sadly, though, it's often the most moderate nuanced and detailed opinions that are vociferously attacked. It's easier to dismiss the more sensationalist extreme views.

It's why people use hyperbole in an attempt to polarise and thus discredit someone else's opinion.