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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

1002 replies

Jajana · 01/05/2022 08:00

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

OP posts:
pinklavenders · 04/05/2022 15:15

A bilingual wp is also raising their child bilingually

Unfortunately it's not that easy.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 04/05/2022 15:15

roarfeckingroarr · 04/05/2022 15:08

It's not the same. One is a decision made as a family to split how you work and fund your family. The other is taking taxpayers' money.

It's claiming what they are entitled to claim. It's not "taking" anything. Your tax is TAKEN by the government who then decide what it should be spent on.

Topgub · 04/05/2022 15:16

@hihellohihello

Thats still saying that a sahm has more specialised know of their kids than a wp does of theirs

Its still saying that being a sahm is better.

So you're proving my point

mintlimelemon · 04/05/2022 15:17

Fgs what a load of nonsense. Thanks of course WP do all they can do with their kids in whatever time permitting. If you work an 80 hour week then - duh- you will probably have less energy and headspace than someone who works a 30 hour week. Hardly rocket science is it. SAHMs are not inherently 'better parents.' They just do more of it! And they don't have the distraction of work issues on top. This is the whole point of being a SAHM! Why else do you think people decide to SAH - to feed the pigeons? No, it's because they strongly believe that they are the best person to be with their kids and they're not prepared to take chances with anyone else doing it in their place. Simple as that. That's not 'devaluing WOHPs' and god knows why the poster is trying to make it into a competition. There are benefits to going to work - money, job satisfaction etc and there are benefits to being at home - more input into your kids day and not needing to replace yourself with someone who does it as a job. It's fine for anyone, whether they work part time or mega hours or are are a SAHM to be able to state the reasons why they do what they do without someone else getting triggered that it devalues them. Are we 6 years old or something., can't believe what aim reading.,

Topgub · 04/05/2022 15:18

@pinklavenders

Oh, sorry, I didnt know being bilingual was only possible if you had a sahm.

pinklavenders · 04/05/2022 15:19

It's claiming what they are entitled to claim. It's not "taking" anything. Your tax is TAKEN by the government who then decide what it should be spent on.

As a society we decide how much taxes we're willing to pay and how much of these tax revenues are to be transferred to those in need. So it's not an 'entitlement'. It's a choice society makes.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:20

Unfortunately it's not that easy.

So my friends who have done this are what exactly? Miracles?

pinklavenders · 04/05/2022 15:23

@Topgub no need to apologise, but if you look into it a little you'll see how much exposure of the 'other' language is required for a child to become bilingual. Extremely unlikely if not impossible to achieve if the parent speaking the minority language isn't at home most of the time.

Topgub · 04/05/2022 15:23

@mintlimelemon

How come you're not moaning its ridiculous the sahms are whining about being devalued?

To quote a 6 yo, they started it.

No, it's because they strongly believe that they are the best person to be with their kids and they're not prepared to take chances with anyone else doing it in their place.

what about the kids dad? Taking a chance there?

You clearly think being a sahm is necessary and makes you a better parent

I'm not triggered by your views. I just disagree with them

pinklavenders · 04/05/2022 15:26

So my friends who have done this are what exactly? Miracles?

Good for them. Perhaps their children had exposure to the 'minority' language via other people? It's very difficult to achieve if the only exposure is a parent who speaks that language in the evening and at weekends. In my experience anyway.

Topgub · 04/05/2022 15:26

@pinklavenders

Sure thing

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:32

Good for them. Perhaps their children had exposure to the 'minority' language via other people?

no not at all. Just their working mothers

It's very difficult to achieve if the only exposure is a parent who speaks that language in the evening and at weekends.

honestly, you're talking claptrap. I know 4 mothers who have achieved this with no apparent difficulty at all. I'm not sure you have a proper grasp of working mothers relationships with their children if you think this is so hard.

hihellohihello · 04/05/2022 15:33

Thats still saying that a sahm has more specialised know of their kids than a wp does of theirs

Indeed it is. However, that is not necessarily better. Knowledge can be cooperative. It's often good that knowledge and skills are shared. People all bring different things to the table. There is always someone to take over when one gets tired. But sometimes continuity and a singular focus is good too. All depends on the individual circumstances.

Topgub · 04/05/2022 15:34

@TheKeatingFive

From the comments I'm beginning to think that none of the sahms commenting have a proper grasp of working mothers relationships with their children

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:35

I'm still not understanding what these specialist skills are that come purely from being with kids mon-fri 9-5 and aren't achievable by mothers who look after their children evenings, weekends, holidays

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:35

From the comments I'm beginning to think that none of the sahms commenting have a proper grasp of working mothers relationships with their children

quite

Topgub · 04/05/2022 15:36

@hihellohihello

Sorry, I just dont believe that you can say specialised etc etc and not think its better.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:37

Maybe they think all wohm are like Mr Banks in Mary Poppins, quick pat on the head of an evening before the nanny whisks them off to bed?!?

pinklavenders · 04/05/2022 15:39

honestly, you're talking claptrap.

Fine if that's what you think. I'm glad you're friends managed to successfully raise bilingual children.

I have a different experience but I don't think there's a need to be disrespectful Sad. That's just been my own experience I'm talking about.

FourTeaFallOut · 04/05/2022 15:40

People who are not seeking work don't build an identity around being jobless. In the same way that people who don't have a boat - and don't have any need or desire for a boat - don't go about building an identity about being boatless.

People who have jobs and boats might like to characterise other people by their lack of jobs and boats to cement their own world view and sense of importance but that really has nothing to do with parents who opt to build a life in a different manner.

hihellohihello · 04/05/2022 15:41

I'm still not understanding what these specialist skills are that come purely from being with kids mon-fri 9-5 and aren't achievable by mothers who look after their children evenings, weekends, holidays

I don't think you necessarily would unless you tried it. This much seems evident. As much as I am trying to explain it.

My DH did after he was made redundant and then again when I was undergoing cancer treatment and he began spending more time at home. I did notice his relationship with our D.C. became closer and also he understood better the role I had taken the greater share of responsibility for previously. Then again since the lockdown and he has spent more time at home. There are still some things I have more of a handle on though - due to my former experience and visa versa.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:42

That's just been my own experience I'm talking about.

you're presenting your own experience as universal. At no point did your early posts preface your views with 'in my experience' So people are going to call it out as claptrap when they see that.

hihellohihello · 04/05/2022 15:44

Sorry, I just dont believe that you can say specialised etc etc and not think its better.

Why? Do you view a specialised skills set as superior to a diversified skill set? I don't think it is, I know there are some things my experience is severely lacking in. I don't lack ability just experience.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 15:44

I don't think you necessarily would unless you tried it. This much seems evident. As much as I am trying to explain it.

if you can't actually articulate what it is then yes people will not be able to understand it.

hihellohihello · 04/05/2022 15:47

if you can't actually articulate what it is then yes people will not be able to understand it.

I can articulate though. Sometimes blocks to understanding are due to the receiver being tuned out rather than the strength of signal.

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