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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick to death of online parents' evening

204 replies

noblegiraffe · 30/04/2022 21:33

The Telegraph headline says parents are 'sick to death' of online parents' evening and are desperate to get back to face-to-face meetings.

On here I've read mostly positive comments and how parents never want to go back to sitting in the hall waiting in a massive queue to see the science teacher who always runs over, that it's so much more convenient to sit at home, click through and done. I was quite surprised to see such a strong headline against them.

What do you reckon?

YABU - Would prefer face-to-face

YANBU - Online please

OP posts:
OchreDandelion · 01/05/2022 08:30

Walkingalot · 01/05/2022 01:27

Being a hard of hearing parent of a ASD child, all forms of contact are difficult. I struggle along with whatever is offered. Face time was ok. But I much prefer one to one.

I think that in your case it would be reasonable to request what you need. I know that I have had (post-covid) one-to-one meetings with a handful of parents for whom it was more appropriate even when most were online.

AlwaysLatte · 01/05/2022 08:34

I'm happy with the Zoom meetings but I wish they were 10 minutes per teacher not 5! There's never enough time to discuss everything.

Phineyj · 01/05/2022 08:44

So about 3/4 of this self-selecting sample prefer online. But we don't know if the sample overlaps with the Telegraph's readership a lot, a little or not at all.

Some of the problems with online could be solved by i) using SchoolCloud ii) reading the SchoolCloud instructions or iii) the school tweaking the SchoolCloud settings.

At my school (where parents have overwhelmingly voted for online, except year 7 parents for obvious reasons), we are required to have parents' mobiles to hand and to phone them if they have technical issues that can't be resolved.

SoggyPaper · 01/05/2022 08:44

AlwaysLatte · 01/05/2022 08:34

I'm happy with the Zoom meetings but I wish they were 10 minutes per teacher not 5! There's never enough time to discuss everything.

I found 5 minutes totally fine for secondary school meetings. It’s just an update. If there are issues that need to be discussed, that’s a separate thing - and something you’d have set up anyway. Parents night is just a standard run down situation.

10 minutes is probably required for primary school because you only talk to one teacher who covers everything. But 5 minutes to cover a child who is doing absolutely fine, on track for greater depth, behaviour and attitude great for Y8 science is absolutely long enough.

parents night shouldn’t be a surprise (unless a pleasant one - and a minor one). If there’s an issue, the school should already be working with the parents on it.

CuddlyCactus · 01/05/2022 08:45

Online much easier to manage for busy working parents and able to get the information in private, quiet environment.

But it's too easy then for parents of secondary pupil never really to identify with/have a relationship with the school. This is not beneficial for child or school if parents see school as some distant place they have no relationship with.
We all know interaction over a screen loses a lot in terms of communication.

It's healthy for parents to see in their child's school and actually have some form of relationship with the teachers.

There are loads of parents who will never go to a school concert or Christmas fayre. Parents evening was the one time they had to go in and interact with the school.
I think it would be beneficial to all if there was 1 in person event each year for parents

CuddlyCactus · 01/05/2022 08:47

Sorry pressed too soon!

In person event which was NOT a fayre or concert or general info evening which would get parents into the school and have some form of interaction, doesn't necessarily have to be parents evening though

Original poster
noblegiraffe · 01/05/2022 08:48

What kind of relationship can be formed with a secondary maths teacher during a 5 minute face-to-face meeting who you see one year then maybe never again?

I’m a bit confused by all the relationship building going on face-to-face in these brief appointments that isn’t happening online.

OP posts:
Getupoffthesofa · 01/05/2022 08:54

Video Brilliant for twins. Had to take both to each other’s IRL appointment which was not fair as it led to comparisons. Teachers would go home at end before is done all 26!!!!!! Meetings. School hall always wet from spilled drinks. Now complete each child in a block in half an hour from the comfort of the living room.

Svara · 01/05/2022 08:55

I'm autistic and I struggle with online parents evening. I find I don't remember much that is said at all. Much prefer face to face!

SoggyPaper · 01/05/2022 09:03

Svara · 01/05/2022 08:55

I'm autistic and I struggle with online parents evening. I find I don't remember much that is said at all. Much prefer face to face!

you can request a face to face meeting as a reasonable adjustment. A school should accommodate that or they’re discriminating against you. Same with people who are hard of hearing or other disability reasons for needing an adjustment.

no one forms a meaningful relationship with anyone in a 5 minute meeting that starts late and feels rushed because the entire speed dating secondary school parents evening experience is awful.

It’s not even intended to build relationships. It’s an annual update. It’s more like your phone giving you a weekly usage report than meaningful contact.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/05/2022 09:05

100% face to face. Although obviously the option of choosing ideal, and that's what DS's school offer. 90% go for fave to face though.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 01/05/2022 09:06

Much prefer online and I hope they continue.

Last time I went to a face to face one it was secondary and half the year group and their parents in one hall, couldn't hear anything the teachers were saying, unable to discuss anything confidential and I ended up having a massive anxiety attack because there were so many people pushing past me.

Svara · 01/05/2022 09:07

I recently had face to face meetings for two teachers (invitational parents evening for GCSEs). Teachers were able to have some of DS's recent assessments out to show me which were useful to see, and also having something to look at helps me concentrate on the conversation compared with having to look at a face the whole time. One also was able to lend DS a textbook that he thought he'd already been given, but hadn't.

Ululavit · 01/05/2022 09:11

Online, I spend no time queuing and wishing the people in front would just pick up on the teacher’s signals and go at the end of their slot. I also get to sit down with my laptop ready to take notes, rather than clutching pen, paper, work bag, list of teachers etc in a big scrum of parents jostling in a narrow corridor.

if I want a relationship with the school, I can (and do) turn up to concerts etc. For parents evening, I want maximum communication time and minimum faff, and online does that.

42isthemeaning · 01/05/2022 09:12

Our parents were polled and the vast majority said they preferred online.
The staff also said they preferred online.
However, management say we should go back to in person. Hmm

Svara · 01/05/2022 09:14

you can request a face to face meeting as a reasonable adjustment. A school should accommodate that or they’re discriminating against you. Same with people who are hard of hearing or other disability reasons for needing an adjustment
The teachers may have been doing parents evening online from home. Wouldn't that only work if they were all at school so you could go in person instead? Or do you mean making separate arrangements with all the teachers outside of parents evening?

SoggyPaper · 01/05/2022 09:22

Svara · 01/05/2022 09:14

you can request a face to face meeting as a reasonable adjustment. A school should accommodate that or they’re discriminating against you. Same with people who are hard of hearing or other disability reasons for needing an adjustment
The teachers may have been doing parents evening online from home. Wouldn't that only work if they were all at school so you could go in person instead? Or do you mean making separate arrangements with all the teachers outside of parents evening?

The school should make an arrangement that meets your needs. The standard provision isn’t really relevant. What they come up with might look like several different things, but they should work with you to ensure you are able to access parents meetings.

bumblingbovine49 · 01/05/2022 09:31

All the people saying it is not long enough are the ones contributing to the chaos it often is on a f2f parents evening. We always needed longer for DS but always arranged an additional telephone call or had extra meetings about him. He had many many issues in class but we never took up more than the alloted time at parents evening and others shouldn't either

Hospedia · 01/05/2022 09:34

I have four DC across three schools (three tier system) and all of their schools offer both options so parents/carers can choose which suits them best.

Day one of parents evening is face to face appointments (pre-booked), day two is video calls (also pre-booked). Anyone who isn't able to arrange an appointment for either of those days/methods is available to arrange a five minute phone call with their child's class/form teacher for an alternative day and time. SEN discussions are done during an additional appointment, again either face to face or in person as suits, to go over pupil passports, targets, etc so parents evening itself is a discussion of the overall picture then an additional appointment to go over SEN info.

TerrifiedandWorried · 01/05/2022 09:39

I love online parents evening.

Option 3 (what my DS's school are now doing) is the worst. Going round the departments within the school and if the teacher is too busy to talk to us we can 'self direct' and circle back round. And our child will be showing us around. It fills me with horror, means disabled DH can't attend as his mobility will not allow it and we get a slot in which to arrive but can stay longer if we want so everything later will be busier. It's making me want to cry just thinking about it.

I cannot see how I can have a single meaningful conversation with a teacher under these circumstances. Maybe I'm wrong and will be pleasantly surprised Hmm

ChanceNorman · 01/05/2022 09:40

I'd prefer face to face.

We had a nightmare booking ds2s Y7 parents evening - laptop issues, then the booking portal was timing out (not our fault) then missed a reply email from school (our fault). But overall resulted in us just not having parent teacher meets - complete faff.

For youngest ds in primary they happened last week by phone and I really dislike it. So much more impersonal, no chance to view their work etc. I'm a bit grumpy about it really because there's no real reason it couldn't have been done as normal now as every other restriction in school has been dropped - classes now mixing at playtime and lunch, all trips back on, parent helpers back in school, no teacher masks etc. It just seems a lot more convenient for the school/teachers so they're keeping it.

MardyBumm · 01/05/2022 09:41

As I primary school teacher I prefer face to face. I think when difficult or sensitive conversations need to be had, they go better face to face. When parents choose to turn their cameras off, it is difficult to gauge how they are feeling in response to what you have said and navigate forwards from there. Our school gives parents the choice which I think is the right thing to do.

Heckythump1 · 01/05/2022 09:44

Thankfully our school never did online parents evening!
My daughter is almost at the end of second year at school and i've only been inside the school once - and that was for Parent's Evening last October - so lovely to actually see where my little one spends most of her time. I feel like you can get a better feel for the surroundings and the teacher in person as well.
I would be very against online parents evening.

TerrifiedandWorried · 01/05/2022 09:45

I think in person for primary is better btw. But it's a totally different thing to secondary where you have to see so many teachers.

PaperTyger · 01/05/2022 09:51

I much prefer it!
So much easier to get too, parking etc and doesn't run on. You don't have to sit and wait for Mrs Jones going on and on and on about Claire again;
I don't see why there can't be a choice?