To have a late night / early morning rant about how no sleep is ruining my entire life?

[Notsleepingandnotcoping]

Lying here unable to sleep as have toddler with me. He refuses to go in his cot.

I have a three hour window (you can almost time it to the minute) when he goes to bed where he will sleep. Usually 730-1030. Then he wakes and that’s it.

I can either try to sleep myself then, or get all the other shit done. Either way I’m exhausted but if I sleep I am in chaos. If I don’t I have literally no sleep.

I can’t see friends, have a glass of wine, there is no enjoyment or pleasure in anything at all.

rant and moan and misery, pure misery.

i wish I had never done this.

If your child has additional needs and you are screaming at him at night then he needs to go into care quite frankly. My son has Sen and I have been his sole carer since birth getting as little as 2-3 hours. There have been times where I have had to leave the room to cry and shout. Social services can organise respite for you. (I am actually a respite carer from before I had my son).
The second thing is you need to stop driving if you are driving. You’re not safe to be on the roads with that little sleep so give your keys to a relative or friend so you’re not tempted to drive.

I'm sorry for making you feel worse.

Pleeeeeeease pleeeeease do Ferber if you're completely at the end of your tether. I think you're past the point of Little Ones guides.

In fact with my first, I Ferbered him, and then used the Little Ones guides to make sure naps and awake times were spot on.

Just bite the bullet!!! Do it!!

Oh, and everyone shouts at their kid from time to time. At least at 18 months old they don't know what you're saying

Ferber was what we tried and worked … briefly. And in fairness I have found this with a lot of sleep training techniques, some people find they just work and some people find they work for a while then stop. Could be illness or teeth or just something random … I did wonder if it might be ambulances for DS (temp traffic lights outside the house) but I don’t know.

Thank you for the help.

When your DH is back, could you book a night at a budget hotel?
It may give you a chance to recover.

I remember when my youngest was waking up every 45 minutes because of a medical condition. It went on for months and I was a walking zombie. Couldn’t function. Couldn’t think straight. Got my child’s name wrong I was so exhausted. With hindsight I wish someone had suggested this to me. Take a night. Your son will survive. Your DH will survive and it will give you a (small) chance to sleep.

Black out blinds, white noise, red night light for the last feed in his room before bed.

White noise all night.

Ferber again and again until it works. Get the guides to optimise sleep, wake and feed timings.

A hotel stay is a sticking plaster only and has been mentioned a million times on the thread already

Pay for a good toddler sleep consultant. Do everything they say, to the letter, for at least 2 weeks. Getting sleep will make everything better, you need to make it a priority. Save up if you need to. Do it when DH is not working away so you have support.

Yes, there will be screaming... But then they will sleep. Be consistent, stick with it, and it will end.

Or choose to do nothing and keep living like this.

And I mean proper stick on black out blinds with overlap so completely no light leak.

Our bedroom is a cave at the moment even during the day. So annoying but best for the baby's sleep.

My 4 year old doesn't need black out blinds anymore so it's not forever.

White noise is great for being a sleep cue and for masking external noise, especially in the early hours when their sleep naturally gets lighter

Thank you for reassuring us all that you love your little one. It was hard to keep reading how much you hate and resent him. This too will pass. Everything with babies is a phase.
I echo lots of pps about a mattress in the floor of his room and shushing him through the hard when he wakes up. I had one of my grandchildren (2) to give his parents a break overnight. I slept in a bed in his room and shushed him every time he cried. I swear I was saying 'I'm here' and shushing him in my sleep. He eventually went back to sleep, woke up, went back to sleep and it worked. Some kind of comfy bed in his room so you are not abandoning him but he is sleeping in his cot. Do try this . It does work and stops the guilt of leaving him to scream

Or you could contact Homestart if there's one in your area. They provide support workers to parents that are not coping for whatever reason. Its also free, so no excuse really

I'm confused does your son have additional needs?

My son is autistic and sleep is always a challenge.

Why can't your DH help, I didn't understand that bit? Can you call in sick and have a sleep today if you don't have your son at home?

The child’s father is not pulling his weight. No reply needed.

Your first step op is stopping him from getting on to you for comfort.
allow him comfort but keep putting him next to you.
small steps.

There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a means of punishment. I know what I'm like with poor sleep as an insomniac and that is nothing compared to this. I haven't seen your other thread but have to say it isnt clear what your whole circumstances are for people to offer fulsome advice. Reading it I was worried for you and your baby, you obviously need support. You do need to sound off but there is little explanation as to why your partner is not more involved in general especially if he normally works from home, but you work and seem to have most of the childcare responsibility. What do the childcare say happens through the day with your baby ? Does he sleep too long there...what tactics have they used if any to get him to sleep and stay asleep ? And with the greatest of respect is it possible you have some postnatal depression. You sound like you are giving yourself a hard time mentally for not having this sussed and have poor self image ..... all of which is so much easier to acquire when sleep deprived.

The advice here is well intentioned I hope you get some support and are able to step back a bit.

Ah, OP i get that you started the thread early in the morning and you were at your wits end so i have made allowances for that in my answer.
But.
Your child is 18 months old? you haven't had time to try the half of it, and from reading what you have tried, i don't think you have tried it enough. Sometimes, and it is upsetting for everyone involved, you have to push through some things. The alternative is you getting increasingly angry and sleep deprived.

You need to be firmer with yourself, i think. And stop saying "DH can't help" it seems, in some of your posts, that you have a bit of a martyr complex. Your DH can help. Even if your place is tiny. So he takes the child, child screams and you take it back. In what way is that teaching your child that his dad is a trusted person, a parent? tag teaming is good, 2 hours at a time or whatever, as are most of the tried and tested sleep training methods.

Does he nap at nursery? What is your routine. You get home from work and then? how about - you get home from work, unwind for half an hour, your DH takes over and you get some sleep? It doesn't help but my DC2 didn't sleep through until primary school. At some point your DC will be old enough for you to say "back to your room" - you know when they really need you. Right now? he's too small to break the habit on his own.

I've been there. Once got sent home from work twice in one week because I was hysterical from sleep deprivation. Exactly the same, would settle for first portion of the night and then would be up and in bed with me. One night I decided that was it and DH and I took turns sleeping on the floor next to his cot, holding his hand, shushing him. It worked. It was shit but it worked.

You and your OH need to get a plan and stick to it, whether that's one from a book or pay for a sleep consultant. It's no good keep ranting and being pissed off at a toddler for something he can't really help as he doesn't have the tools to do so.

It doesn't really matter what you think he will and won't respond to when it comes to sleep training.

You can not, absolutely can not scream at an 18 month old and declare you fucking hate him again.

Something has to change.

Instead of "he won't respond to sleep training" why can't you see it as "he hasn't responded to sleep training yet".

Sleep training needs persistence. It's drudge work, but so is what you're doing right now.

That kid loves you. You owe it to him to find a solution and not just focus on the problems.

I know MN hates it but you need to do controlled crying. Honestly, it will work within a day or two and you'll both be so much happier for it.

I once rocked my 18m old from 11pm to 06.45am solid to get him to sleep

wouldn’t allow me to sit, I had massive swollen Achilles’ tendon after that

the next day I sleep trained him.

sure it was painful for a couple of nights, but that was it! Done

you MUST teach him to self soothe and this is the way you do it

I’m going to be harsh op because I think you need it. You sound deeply depressed. You need to ask for help NOW. It is not acceptable to have a screaming fit at your baby and day you hate them. A 1 1/2 year old does not understand your shouting and won’t be able to help you. You are clearly not coping and need help. That’s not what you want to hear or accept right now but you are going to have to SUCK IT UP because frankly it sounds like you are on the verge of hurting yourself or your child. The sleep deprivation may be clouding your judgment but I am telling you now that from everything you have said and how it comes across this is the impression you are giving. Think back to the basic NHS advice about crying babies. It is ok not to be able to cope but you need to put your child down somewhere safe and go into another room. Yes it makes it harder that they are a toddler and can run about but this is what you need to do. If you don’t want to access help then you need to explain to your husband how serious the situation has become, leave him to it and get a pair of noise cancelling headphones.

Hi OP - I have twins a bit younger but going through similar horrific sleep regression. They absolutely won't settle for DH either - it's pointless people coming on here saying your DH needs to do more. But....do you have a car?? My DH takes one twin who is a screamer at night out in the car and just drives until he calms down and falls asleep then brings him back to bed. It's not ideal and the current cost of fuel makes it an expensive option but to be honest it's all we can do at the moment to get some respite from the crying and at least a couple of hours of sleep at a time. We cannot do cry it out as it wakes his twin and our other child

OP sleep deprivation is dreadful. Put your phone down because this thread not helping.

Re DH - he does wfh mostly but this week he is working away.

That makes it easier then.

So this week you need to find a way to cope somehow. Even if you call in sick one day just to catch up on sleep.

Then when your DH is back home you need to come up with a plan where you both share sleeping.

You could go to sleep early whilst DH needs to start putting him to bed. Then when he wakes up at a ridiculous hour if he definitely won’t go back to sleep you can get up with him and then your DH can take over whilst you have an extra hour or 2 before work.

It’s not ideal but it means you’ll both get some sleep and won’t need to stress so much about getting him back to bed.
With DH WFH he’s cutting out at least 2 hours travelling time so he’s in a fortunate position to be able to help out more.

What are your finances like?
Is it possible to work less or even longer hours but less days? Then you can have a day or 2 where you can go back to bed.

How old is toddler? Mine all went into a toddler bed between 15 and 17 months.
It was so much better as I'd get them to sleep then sneak away.
Maybe moving to a toddler bed will help.