To think my 2YO has won

[BoredYummyMummy]

He’s sat on his little desk and chair that he demanded with a bowl of fucking cereal that he asked for… and the book he couldn’t leave the car without.. but is still screaming/crying/tantruming…

what the hell is This torture

How do you make the noise stop?

@Bolognia they're not being badly behaved. They're frustrated and angry because they can't tell you what is wrong, or they don't even know what is wrong. You don't punish that. You take a deep breath, and perhaps some chocolate, and wait for it to pass.

the brain has a decision making centre which does not mature until we are late teens/adults.
When we are angry or upset, the hormones flood that decsion making centre and make us incapable of making a rational choice.
We only learn to make that choice while angry/upset as late teens or adults.

So once a child is screaming/crying, they are no longer able to make that choice.
You can put them in a safe place until they calm down, you can refuse to discuss it further, you can refuse to engage, but to PUNISH for something that they are not mature enough to actually physically do is cruel.

Once the child has stopped screaming and the hormones have drained away, then they can choose.
Once the tantrum has kicked off, you are in containment mode until they calm down again.

Taking toys away as a direct consequence works on my 4yo, for example he snatches a toy from his sister, or launches it across the room, toy gets put on a high shelf for a few minutes while we discuss behaviour.

For the two year old tantrums, I got nothing I'm afraid, other than wait it out and do not, whatever you do, feed it. If they see weakness they will exploit it.

My fil always says the trouble with toddlers is you can't tell if they've got their arm trapped in a combined harvester or you've given them the wrong colour cup! Always makes me chuckle when mine are in tantrum mode. As they say, this too shall pass but my god not quick enough 😂

Bloody bang out of order that chair!!

I have noticed these are all boys !

🙄there's always one.

you obviously didn't meet my dd.

Best advice I've been given 'no one ever had a tantrum in an empty room' ... If it's safe, leave the room, the tantrum stops amazingly quickly! If you can't leave, headphones/candy crush sounds a good idea 💡

You are a terrible, terrible parent. Your poor children.

Putting toys away in a bin liner worked for my two but you do have to judge the timing. Too late and you are screwed. But it didn't take long for them to understand we didn't tolerate tantrums but they also knew we would work with them to figure out the problem, ie pointing. Obviously it works for some kids, not all.

Enjoy the cutter up pear saga
www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1301196-If-my-3yo-had-access-to-AIBU

Try not to think of it as 'winning' - it's frustration because he can't yet verbalise or fully comprehend his feelings and they get bigger and bigger inside him until he physically can't calm himself down. Distraction and mirroring to help him slow down his breathing used to help mine when he got like that, or slowly rocking with him. It's a bit like a panic attack, in a sense, and you wouldn't punish one of those or regard it as a win.

Horrible behaviour. Won't work long term and surprised it does short term.

OP, my 19 month old has had tantrums today for the following reasons: I drank a coffee
I wore sunglasses
I had ham on my sandwich
I got dressed
I strapped her in her pram because she asked me too...

I just don't give into her snd try and distract!

She's been a grumpy miss all day. I feel you! Xx

toddlers are little dictators!

When the tantrums start I try to ignore and then ask if he's finished. Sometimes I cave and give into the demands.... he's just learnt "I've got your nose" so that's a good distraction.

The past 3 saturdays, I've made breakfast and he's demanded something else. Like he's a paying guest at a hotel.

Little gremlin!

Oh yeah it's best to start hating men when they're young! In fact maybe you should campaign for them to be drown at birth.

What a horrible misandrist comment.

My two year old is a girl, I call her stroppy moppy when she kicks off. Which she does at seemingly irrational things, like her brother is touching her chair (which she's not sitting on). When she goes off on one, I either say oh dear and carry on, or just sit down and wait it out. Sometimes works, mostly doesn't. Humour works sometimes. But not always.

What is your contribution to the thread.. MISS

@miltonj

Did you really need sunglasses and a coffee?

My ds - now a hulking great teen- never tantrummed at all.

nowt to do with him being a boy or me being any ‘good’ in particular, it’s personality

no Point in making any generalisations

Wait until you try to put a coat on them (sighs)

Such a trying time, I sympathise!

Reasons for yesterday's tantrums in my 2 year old girl:
I passed her the green ball, she wanted yellow.
I peeled the banana too much.
I gave her the green cup she asked for.
Sometimes I think negotiating with a terrorist would be easier! I haven't picked up from nursery yet so looking forward to this evening's instalment 🙄

At 2 years old distraction can be effective. But obviously it’s not always possible depending on the situation.

Glad I'm not your kid. Christ on a bike.

My DS once had his worst tantrum because he wanted his wellington boots on, then he wanted them off, then because they were not the right ones.

He only had one pair.

Ony advice do not laugh, it doesnt help, despite how stupid the strop is, I am about to hit the teenage years and will be bringing everything I learnt from when he was 2 into it.

How funny…I was joking with my now exceptionally wonderful 22year old ,only at the weekend about his broken biscuit tantrums 😂
OP they really do improve with age …just like a decent wine 🍷