Children walking to school on their own

[Outofwater]

Since March I have been letting my two DC walk to their state primary school on their own some days. The DC1 is 9 (turns 10 in six weeks) and DC2 is 8.5. Both are fairly responsible children - never in trouble in school. They've been attending the same school since reception.

The location is inner suburb. The distance walked is about 400m. The first 200m or so is to the end of our road of terraced houses (without proper gardens, i.e. front doors of the houses are a couple of metres from the pavement) to a T-junction with a secondary high street. The next 150m is along the high street which has cafes, hairdressers, church, pizza, gym, then turn into the street the school is on (the school is not on the high street but is immediately behind the shops IYSWIM). It takes them 7-10 minutes, depending on how fast they walk and long they have to wait for the pedestrian crossing (see below). The school has a very small catchment (one form entry) and so most children live quite close.

This evening DP and I received the following email from their headmistress (paraphrased and abbreviated):

"It has been brought to my attention that DC1 and DC2 are, on occasion, walking to school on their own. This has raised concern for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we do allow Year 5 children to travel to school on their own, but ask that parents let us know, in case a child doesn't arrive. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, we are worried that DC1 is responsible for DC2, who is too young to be travelling to school without an adult. This raises safeguarding concerns."

I had a similar sort of walk to school in a fairly similar setting in the European country where I grew up. At DC1's age I also taking my younger sister with whom there was a much bigger age gap (3.5 years rather than 1.5 years) and going to her school first, dropping her off, and then going to my school.

I think given the ages of the girls the email is a bit over the top, particularly the bit about leaving D1 responsibility for D2. There's only 17 months between them and it's common for people to think they're twins. There is obviously a maturity gap between them but (unlike my childhood experience) it's very much two sisters walking to school together compared with one taking the other to school.

TBH I wouldn't be comfortable with either DC walking to school on their own but I'm much more relaxed about them walking together. I looked on the school website for policies and read everything that is there - but there is nothing about journey to school. I'm sure if I asked I would be told that it is "generally understood" or was in a newsletter that I got at some stage in the year.

I spoke with both DCs about the email and DC2 suggested the headmistress had sent the email to cover herself from liability (DC2 is a cynical one).

I'm fine to bring the DCs to school everyday but I really wanted to give them the sense of independence that I got walking on my own. If the school won't let DC2 walk to school until Y5 DC1 will have gone to secondary so DC1 and DC2 will never get the chance to walk to school on their own. I do think the email is a bit OTT, especially the reference to safeguarding which I read as the implicit threat of being reported to social services if I don't do what they tell me.

The better part of me says to just suck it up and accept it and that's what I will do. However, I wanted to get thoughts on whether I am way out of line with social norms.

From school? The OP never mentioned they walked home on their own, and the school as part of their duty of care are in their rights to not release the younger child if there is no-one to collect them.

Going back to whether an 11 year old on their own is 'less risk' than two younger children, then they definitely are as they only need to look after themselves.

Eh? Why would it be a wind-up? In most of Europe it's normal for children to walk to school from a young age. In a lot of places you'd be seen as a very odd, hover-parent if you were still taking them after the first couple of days!

Apart from the fact it is incredibly rare for a child to be snatched off a street in broad day light ,
It doesn't really make sense that suddenly at an arbitrary age kids are ok to walk to school, some year sevens are very small for their age but nobody would say they can't walk to school on their own .

It’s completely normal at our school for children to start walking to school themselves around the time they turn about 8.5. It happens gradually over the course of the year (starting about Easter when it’s lighter in the mornings). We’re in the outskirts of a large city.
when we reopened after covid parents of children age 8+ were asked not to accompany their children all the way to the gates but leave/meet them somewhere en route.
in the OPs situation I would write to the school to say the girls have your permission to walk together, say what the route is and maybe say what you’ll do if one is off sick. Then see what happens.

I’d ignore the email OP. It should be your decision to make, not the schools, and it sounds an easy, short walk.

People have gone bloody mad now, how often do you hear of a school child being dragged off the street? And that could happen at 12/13/14 so when do you stop hovering about fearing the worst 🤷🏼‍♀️.

i remember my DD going to a concert at 17, and her friends mum wouldn’t let her get there on public transport. They insisted on driving her and dropping her at the entrance. DD said when they were leaving they could see both parents standing by the exit waving 😳😡. 17!!

My DD’s started walking home together in September, there’s 14 months between them and they’re year 5 and 6. The eldest has a phone so she’s always contactable and they’re sensible so I trust them. It’s a much further walk than your DC’s, it’s 1.8 miles away so about 30 mins. Only one ‘main road’ but we live in a small town so it’s never massively busy. They’ve been absolutely fine and they enjoy having the independence.

i can’t see an issue with your DC walking home together at all given the short distance. I’d imagine the issue is your youngest’s age, I don’t think my DC’s school allows them to leave alone till year 5.

YANBU OP, although I would not let them walk to school by themselves I would have no issues letting them walk home. Only as I know I couldn't relax not knowing if they had actually arrived at school. I still walk my secondary dc half way in the mornings but all 3 dc have been walking home by themselves, a sibling or friend since year 4.

If there aren't many treacherous roads to cross, 9 years is old enough to find your way around. I cycled to the next village regularly from 7+.

I know that there are many mums who wouldn't dream of letting the dc do the school run without a parent until year 6 and I know a couple of mums who cried when their sons didn't want to be walked in year 6. We are all different. Does your eldest have a phone so they could text you when they arrive at school?

What I find strange is that some parents who let their kids play computer games or go unsocial media I.E. TikTok unsupervised, but won't let them walk anywhere by themselves.

There’s not an age to leave a child unaccompanied as it obviously depends on child and circumstances. In reality you’d only be prosecuted for neglect if something happened and it was so obviously inappropriate to leave them unattended. There’s nspcc guidance which really does err on side of not leaving until older and older not supervising younger. But it’s only guidance.
School know an 8 year old is walking unaccompanied. They can’t ignore and say we only care 9-3pm. In the same way they don’t ignore if a child turns up with a black eye - they can’t shrug and say not happened on our watch we will ignore it. It’s not how safeguarding works.
If they deem it inappropriate then they could refer but nothing will come of it.
From schools point of view they have flagged it then if child is abducted/run over etc coming in alone it’s not their fault.
As for other issues with school it sounds like private would be more in line with your expectations.

Speaking as a teacher and having 2 at primary I think year 5 upwards is appropriate but that depends on the child.
The school are doing the right thing by informing you. Whether you wish to accept their advice is up to you but I think you should be taking the younger one

I guess the school is trying to Cover Their Arse. It really should be a parent's call on when their kids can walk but schools do insist on making it their problem even when there's nothing unreasonable about it, as in this case.

I’d also say what happens in other countries is irrelevant. Here 2 young children walking alone daily especially if they are small for age as per update will catch eyes simply because it’s not norm here. I as a mum would wonder if ok. But not everyone has good intentions 2 little girls, same route, same time each day could catch eye of someone.

The school might have a police on it but they have no legal basis to enforce that policy, all they can do is call SS who most likely would say its not a safeguarding issue because its a (as you describe it) safe route and (I assume) there are no other safeguarding issues associated with your family. I would email back saying that your children have your permission to walk together to school, that on the basis of your own risk assessment you feel this is safe and appropriate for their ages and levels of development.

Completely with you btw, Britain is rather an outlier in this area, British children have far less independent mobility than their peers in other countries and that's not a good thing.

It be tenped to tell the head to piss off (I would be to chicken though). It's no wonder young people's mental health is in tatters if the keep getting the message that the world is a terrible place. The risk of them being abducted from the streets is vanishing small and they're much more likely to be abused by their own school teachers and even that is a tiny risk compared to their own family.

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with my DC walking to primary school by herself no matter how close it is. Once she is in secondary school, I would be more comfortable with her walking by herself but even then I would be anxious about it.

As for the headteacher, I think the veiled threat was completely out of line and I would be pissed off about that if I were in your shoes. Bang out of order.

The trouble with not letting older primary school children (9 + years) have some independence and that includes walking places by themselves or being left at home for a short period 30-60 minutes, having sleepovers and things like that is that they will not learn how to navigate these things in time for secondary school. Of course we all want to make sure our dc are safe but being over protective makes them actually less safe. They need to learn to be attentive and alert when out and about. As long as they are cognitively able to do this, it's a good idea to start them at around 9 or 10 years. It's all about risk assessment, if your walk to school involves many busy roads or secluded paths near parks, it's probably a good idea to wait until year 6 and only let them walk in small groups. If your walk to school is straight forward, younger dc are likely to cope. Sometimes when mum has been staying at home for the kids (which is wonderful) it can be hard for them to accept that their kids are growing up and ready to be a bit more independent. In OP's case at 8.5 and 9.5, the kids are old enough to walk by themselves. I would have probably notified the school though. Our school would want to know.

I would thank them for their email but say you respectfully disagree with her view as you are freely entitled to do as an adult.

As you are not a pupil at her school and this is out of school hours and premises then school rules do not apply and you are the responsible parent who decides on what is 'allowed'.

If they still have safeguarding concerns then they need to take the action they see fit.

Personally i cannot say whether i think it is OK for your children as i do not know them or the area but i know 100% that it is your decision and not the headteachers to make.

I'd be very pissed off if I were you. We have the opposite in our primary school where the head is blue in the face trying to encourage children to walk to school to try and make the children more independent and encouraging groups of children to walk to and from school together . I think the poster saying primary school children should never walk unaccompanied is nuts. What happens when they go to secondary school. A magical change doesn't just happen overnight.

I would be a little put out to get that email, when there's no information on the school's website. If it's such an important issue, it would not (or should not) have been communicated in a newsletter. I'd probably apologise with some kind 'Dear Headteacher, I do apologise, I couldn't find the policy written down anywhere, could you help me find it' message.

On the separate issue of whether they're old enough - meh. Depends so much on area/the children. If you start thinking about everything that could, in theory, happen to your child because you let them do something alone, you'd never let them out of your sight. I'd possibly walk them to the crossing and see them over, then let them walk the rest of the way. But I am a bit paranoid about cars and my DD is younger, so I may not be the best judge.

Where we used to live,kids went to Middle School in year 5. Proper walk to secondary really. So the lower school had to let them walk in year 4 to get used to it.

I doubt that Social Services would be remotely interested in investigating your arrangements. They have more pressing things to worry about than a couple of sensible girls walking a short distance through a well populated area.

I agree that I would say I have assessed the risk as a loving and competent adult and am happy with it.
Let them report as a safeguarding concern if they wish.

Crikey where I live in Scotland schools actively encourage children to walk and cycle to school by themselves from P1.

My own don't due to distance and get the bus but most kids walk, scoot or cycle.

i don’t understand this “primary school kids should never walk to school alone” and the Suddenly in y7 they walk to and from school and clubs and are expected to be alone all school holiday. That’s a massive jump! By 8 a NT child should be able to start to do small things alone - go to a corner shop for milk and sweets, walk to school (safe route), go swimming with friends (in a life guarded pool), make toast, care for a pet etc. They need to make these small steps so that when their 11 and need to get two busses across town to the high school and cook themselves lunch etc they are ready. They could be moved out with their own baby by 16 (not a good thing) so we need to prepare them gently.

I can see why school would want to know - if there not there by registration then they will know to call mum asap. I would be very surprised if social services took things further - they don’t have the resources to remove children who have no adult caring for them most of the time so this wouldn’t be a blip.

I would however check the elder is truly ok with the situation and hasn’t had to “parent” the younger but doesn't feel able to tell you - like having to stop them running into the road etc. there is 4yr gap between me and my sister. My mum left me to babysit from 12 (she had no choice as she had to work as we needed to eat and my dad was in hospital for months). I hated it as my sister wouldn’t listen to me and was always doing really dangerous stuff that I had to rescue her from. I babysat other peoples kids for cash and that was fine as they did as they were told but my sister was a nightmare. I never told mum as I didn’t want to stress her out more. I’d gently check the elder doesn't feel like this - it is possible she’s mentioned to a teacher that she isn’t happy and they are trying to address it without breaking her confidence (not the best way to do it imo, but worth checking before you go and make a fuss)

For the vast majority of the Uk schools let Children in y5 and year 6 walk to and from school alone. Y4 is not allowed in most schools and if the school was to see a child below y5 coming in (even with an older child) they have a duty to speak to parents as this isn’t allowed.
In my kids school there is a member of staff at the gates overseeing all children entering. If a younger child is without an adult they know.
Absolutely the school have a place to speak about this. It’s children walking to and from their care. There has to be a cut off and y5 is it for most schools. A parent recently tried to send their y2 child in with their y5 child every morning. Got noticed quickly. Why should a 9 year old who only just started walking alone herself be solely in charge of a 6 year old? Extremely unfair and far too much responsibility for 2022 with all the cars and crazy delivery drivers who arnt looking out for kids- just wizzing about.
This is not 1970. The world has changed in so many ways, you can’t compare now to then and what you ‘used to do’ back 30 years ago.
my personal opinion is children shouldn’t be walking alone before y6. Don’t care how mature you say your child is. 9 is just too young. There is a huge difference between 9 and 11 for most kids in terms of awareness and brain development. There is plenty of time and many many years for them to be independent and on their own, why are parents in such a rush?