Children walking to school on their own

[Outofwater]

Since March I have been letting my two DC walk to their state primary school on their own some days. The DC1 is 9 (turns 10 in six weeks) and DC2 is 8.5. Both are fairly responsible children - never in trouble in school. They've been attending the same school since reception.

The location is inner suburb. The distance walked is about 400m. The first 200m or so is to the end of our road of terraced houses (without proper gardens, i.e. front doors of the houses are a couple of metres from the pavement) to a T-junction with a secondary high street. The next 150m is along the high street which has cafes, hairdressers, church, pizza, gym, then turn into the street the school is on (the school is not on the high street but is immediately behind the shops IYSWIM). It takes them 7-10 minutes, depending on how fast they walk and long they have to wait for the pedestrian crossing (see below). The school has a very small catchment (one form entry) and so most children live quite close.

This evening DP and I received the following email from their headmistress (paraphrased and abbreviated):

"It has been brought to my attention that DC1 and DC2 are, on occasion, walking to school on their own. This has raised concern for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we do allow Year 5 children to travel to school on their own, but ask that parents let us know, in case a child doesn't arrive. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, we are worried that DC1 is responsible for DC2, who is too young to be travelling to school without an adult. This raises safeguarding concerns."

I had a similar sort of walk to school in a fairly similar setting in the European country where I grew up. At DC1's age I also taking my younger sister with whom there was a much bigger age gap (3.5 years rather than 1.5 years) and going to her school first, dropping her off, and then going to my school.

I think given the ages of the girls the email is a bit over the top, particularly the bit about leaving D1 responsibility for D2. There's only 17 months between them and it's common for people to think they're twins. There is obviously a maturity gap between them but (unlike my childhood experience) it's very much two sisters walking to school together compared with one taking the other to school.

TBH I wouldn't be comfortable with either DC walking to school on their own but I'm much more relaxed about them walking together. I looked on the school website for policies and read everything that is there - but there is nothing about journey to school. I'm sure if I asked I would be told that it is "generally understood" or was in a newsletter that I got at some stage in the year.

I spoke with both DCs about the email and DC2 suggested the headmistress had sent the email to cover herself from liability (DC2 is a cynical one).

I'm fine to bring the DCs to school everyday but I really wanted to give them the sense of independence that I got walking on my own. If the school won't let DC2 walk to school until Y5 DC1 will have gone to secondary so DC1 and DC2 will never get the chance to walk to school on their own. I do think the email is a bit OTT, especially the reference to safeguarding which I read as the implicit threat of being reported to social services if I don't do what they tell me.

The better part of me says to just suck it up and accept it and that's what I will do. However, I wanted to get thoughts on whether I am way out of line with social norms.

Not true where I live. They are allowed and encouraged from year 5.

I don't think the school can enforce a policy on walking to school and possibly even going home isn't enforceable. But it will likely cause tension with the school and escalating referrals to SS. Whether SS would get involved I've no idea.

For me it wouldn't be a hill worth dying on.

My children walked to school on their own from year 5. All were fine. Just give them freedom ! We live in a really messed up world and we should not carry our own insecurities and worry them !

What bothers me about it is the principle - why is it the school, an institution that frankly isn't covered with glory in terms of their judgement, gets to decide what the final word is? And what if they decide that no, actually even kids of 12, or 13, can't walk, or a 15 year old gets dragged off a bus by bullies somewhere and so that isn't allowed either?

No because OP says that by the time dc2 is in year 5 dc1 will be on secondary school,so must be year 3 and year 5.

I think the point the head is trying to make is that they don't allow children younger than year 5 to walk to school without an adult. Elder dd is not an adult so for them younger dd walking with her is equivalent to being unsupervised.

It does seem quite young to me to be honest but obviously you know both the area and your children better. I just wonder what the younger one would do if they older one was, god forbid, cornered by some random or in a car accident. 8 is very young to assume they will do the "sensible" thing. Lots of 8 year olds don't have much road sense - all it would take is for her to see a friend and run ahead or drop something when crossing the road and stop to pick it up....

Saying that if the school doesn't have a formal policy that children can't walk to school without a parent/guardian until year 5 (which I can't see how they could possibly enforce anyway) there's not much they can do....even if they made a ss referral I doubt it would get anywhere given the pressure ss are under, just depends if you're willing to put up with it.

It would be the same in our school. Y5 upwards. My dc are y3 and y5. The y5 has just started going to school with friends. Even in y6 she won't be able to walk in with her y4 sister. The journey i shorter than yours.

I am fine with it tbh.

I think it’s quite individual. I was totally happy for my niece to be responsible for my DD, because she was so sensible and school let them walk back to mine once a week after an after school club. I think DN was year 5, then and DD reception. Mine walked up alone in year five, and I was happy with that, but only a couple of streets to the bus stop (contract bus, not public) and I knew there would be other Mum’s around that I knew fairly well, plus I was home and available if there were issues. They don’t usually walk alone until year partway through year six here.

Because of the bus, school had no idea, so had to stay out of it. I do think eight is a bit too young myself.

It probably is the older child walking the younger child that is the issue, my kids school wouldn’t let a secondary age child put pick their sibling as she was 15 and you have to be 16 to pick up a sibling

I think part of the problem is that they need to have the same rule for everyone. For this pair of children, that's a very short and safe route - presumably by the time they are on the High Street there are lots of other families around walking to school; if anything happened then other parents would step in. However for another child, a few streets further over, it might be different - more roads to cross, fewer other families around, perhaps intersecting with the route to the local secondary (most teens are, of course, very sensible, but it only takes one who isn't...). That's before you start on the fact that some 9 year olds are just more sensible than others.

I can see why a school might be want to set a blanket rule, rather than working on a case-by-case basis. You'd be even more cross if you were told your child shouldn't be walking alone although others were allowed.

Our local primary children walk home from year 3. Walking to any school is up to the parents, schools can have an opinion but that can’t enforce it.

Do schools actually have the authority to insist on the transportation arrangements of children to and from school? I'm sure they can have a policy, but are they actually able to enforce it beyond threatening/referring to social services (who, realistically are going to be seeing so much worse than two well loved and looked after kids waking to school that I can't imagine it would be a priority or that they would take any action). I appreciate that schools have a duty of care, but to the extent that they can override a parent's decision on something like this when there are no other concerns?

This would be a big no where I live. Nice area but a city. Every so often there are warnings of strangers approaching primary children unaccompanied. There was an attempted snatching last year.

YANBU to be comfortable with it in your particular situation based on your own assessment of your children and the area you live in.

However, I think most schools have similar policy and I also think most people wouldn't be happy with a Y3 child walking to school without adult supervision. In reality, would your elder dd know how to react if, for instance, younger one fell and was hurt?

I wouldn't let them walk by themselves at that age. I'm protective but rather that than not. My kids started being allowed to walk by themselves from age 10 but with no responsibility for younger siblings.

My y4 walked himself home today. I went to the playground, gave him my key, waited another minute for my y6 (who is feeling stressed from iminent SATs and tends to take it out on DS2 hence wanting to keep them seperate today)

I saw him ahead, he has one or two quiet roads to cross depending on where he crosses and he looked carefully. The total walk is 300m. I'd struggle to park the car much closer!

There have been days this year when I've been unavaliable and DH has WFH so they've walked together and let themselves in. DS2 may have to manage himself in 6m when DS1 goes to secondary school because his need to get to a bus stop a mile away/ school 3 miles away overrides DS2 walking 300m. It depends on building confidence in DS1 (high functioning ASD)

DS1 walks in alone on days he has an early start which cuts disruption to getting DS2 ready at an awkward time.

I'm not aware of our school having a policy on the issue. Letting children walk short, safe distances is an important part of letting them develop maturity and confidence.

If I was OP, I would contact the head teacher and draw attention to the very short nature of the walk.

Perfectly fine.

I'm not sure what the safeguarding concerns are either. Are there any policies that refer to? In any case, I don't think it can be mandated.

Around here it was year 6. DC were ready well before that and were allowed to walk home from after school club on their own before then.

My df lives down the road where they have my middle schools and walking to and from school unaccompanied starts in year 4.

I went to school on the bus from just turned 4. Take a look at Old Enough on Netflix.

I do agree, but having had a total home/school relationship breakdown (SEND tribunal related), it's really horrible when school management actively seek to make everything as difficult as possible. Despite winning the tribunal, I actually electively home educate my youngest because of all the fall-out.

I guess "it's only 400 metres" can be used by either side to argue against each other. If SS do get involved then I wouldn't know how they would call it.

What a sweeping statement. 'Usually' in my area, they do actually. Year 4-ish onwards is very common, depending on the distance from home to school. OP's children have a pretty short journey, in a built up area, presumably with plenty of other school commuters doing the same journey. There is no policy at our local junior for who can walk to and from school alone. There has never been an issue and plenty of the kids make their own way - for those who are further afield, lots of parents walk them some of the way, then they complete the rest of the journey on their own/with siblings/friends. An important step towards independence.

It clearly varies from area to area. Obviously, in some areas and depending on the journey, it might not be a viable option. OP, what your children are doing sounds perfectly reasonable to me and if it feels okay to you and they're happy with it, I'd suggest you don't change anything.

"In reality, would your elder dd know how to react if, for instance, younger one fell and was hurt?"

But is it not the same issue re DC2 knowing how to react if DC1 fell and was hurt if things were the other way round? They look out for each other don't they. It's a 17 month age gap. As I said in my OP - they're often taken for twins. We know other pairs of siblings where one sibling is in DC1's class and the other is in DC2's class and there are much bigger age gaps, e.g. 30 months, and I can see a difference. I feel like the school has not handled this well in a few ways.

First, if there is a policy on this not putting it on the school website.

Secondly, in the email I was sent referencing expressly "safeguarding" in the email which carries an implicit threat.

Thirdly, not recognising that lots of families in the school are from other European countries where there is a very different culture regarding the age at which children walk to school without their parents and at least displaying some sensitivity to it. TBH this is a perennial issue at the school in terms of a culture clash between two different groups of largely white middle class parents: the British families vs the European families. A lot of the British families (more likely to have one parent in a full time job) are "state til 8" (or 9 or 10) and then move their children out. They want lots of school events etc. whereas the European parents (more likely to have both parents in full time jobs) are not looking for school to be a whole social thing and would like a bit more of a push in terms of actual education.

DC1 complains about being bored in school because she is learning nothing new and I think she's partly right. She also notes that the school talks about how its participating not winning that matters in sport but when it comes to inter-school events she and a few other girls never get picked (summer babies and smallest in the class) because the school pick the oldest/biggest/sportiest. I'm glad that my DC have both being playing tennis out of school for five/four years, play three times a week and can hold their own in tournaments they play in, because otherwise DC1 would be saying she is rubbish at sport.

The headmistress, who was not the headmistress when DC1 applied for the school, is not a very sympathetic person.

I guess this comes on top of me being hacked off with the school generally. When DC have complained I've always said that life's not fair or perfect. I suppose I've got to follow the same myself.

The school don't have any authority to decide who may or may not walk to school on their own (or with a sibling).

The most they can do is make a report to Social Services. You could try calling SS yourself and asking them if they'd have a problem with it, though I can't see it registering as needing further action.

In your position I would respond to the school something along the lines of - Thank you for your email. We are happy with our arrangements for getting the DC to school and will be continuing with them. If you truly believe a 9 and an 8.5yr old are at risk walking 400m without an adult you should, of course, raise that concern with social services through the appropriate channels. I believe it is an excellent way for them to develop independence and confidence. Two key skills to a happy adolescence and adulthood.

If the school is otherwise great I would probably put in some mention of something I really appreciate that they've done as I do think they're often put in a hard position with this sort of thing. Nevertheless the sort of overly supervised and risk averse approach they frequently seem to advocate for seems really unhealthy for kids and families.

Our school had junior kids dropped off and collected by a parent - your child had to be handed to a parent. There was someone on the school gates to see the kids arrive. This was not always in force and it was highlighted at its last inspection so they made sure there was someone at the gates from then on. Senior school kids were allowed to walk to and from school in their own.

Whilst I wouldn't recommend it, I (in the early 1960s) travelled on a bus too and from school on my own at 5 years old. In the morning 2 brothers 9 and 10 did the same journey but not in the afternoon as I finished 30 minutes before them. At 7 I changed school to be able to escort my younger sister 4 - as soon as she as 5 she decided she could do it on her own. This new school run was 2 bus rides changing in the small town centre.

Whilst I don't think this is appropriate now, children are just as capable, there is no more stranger danger but there is more traffic.

School can refuse to let children leave without someone they deem 'acceptable' BUT they cannot dictate how they get there . This is totally up to you.

However, with my own kids (in the 80s) I made sure they got to school, as this was pre mobiles, but allowed them to come home on their own (few hundred yards) from 6 years old. By 8 they were happily making both journeys on their own.

You are the parent not them and, to me, they are definitely over stepping the mark

I walked to school with my mate age 5. Mum put e across the road then we walked round to the lollipop lady. By the time I was teaching it was unacceptable. It is still considered unacceptable here. I believe this is not the case in some European countries. They should take this into account.

I don't really see how this is any business of the schools.... surely the school take charge of them once they arrive and stop once they leave. How they travel is not up to the school. I don't think they can allow it or disallow it.