Children walking to school on their own

[Outofwater]

Since March I have been letting my two DC walk to their state primary school on their own some days. The DC1 is 9 (turns 10 in six weeks) and DC2 is 8.5. Both are fairly responsible children - never in trouble in school. They've been attending the same school since reception.

The location is inner suburb. The distance walked is about 400m. The first 200m or so is to the end of our road of terraced houses (without proper gardens, i.e. front doors of the houses are a couple of metres from the pavement) to a T-junction with a secondary high street. The next 150m is along the high street which has cafes, hairdressers, church, pizza, gym, then turn into the street the school is on (the school is not on the high street but is immediately behind the shops IYSWIM). It takes them 7-10 minutes, depending on how fast they walk and long they have to wait for the pedestrian crossing (see below). The school has a very small catchment (one form entry) and so most children live quite close.

This evening DP and I received the following email from their headmistress (paraphrased and abbreviated):

"It has been brought to my attention that DC1 and DC2 are, on occasion, walking to school on their own. This has raised concern for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we do allow Year 5 children to travel to school on their own, but ask that parents let us know, in case a child doesn't arrive. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, we are worried that DC1 is responsible for DC2, who is too young to be travelling to school without an adult. This raises safeguarding concerns."

I had a similar sort of walk to school in a fairly similar setting in the European country where I grew up. At DC1's age I also taking my younger sister with whom there was a much bigger age gap (3.5 years rather than 1.5 years) and going to her school first, dropping her off, and then going to my school.

I think given the ages of the girls the email is a bit over the top, particularly the bit about leaving D1 responsibility for D2. There's only 17 months between them and it's common for people to think they're twins. There is obviously a maturity gap between them but (unlike my childhood experience) it's very much two sisters walking to school together compared with one taking the other to school.

TBH I wouldn't be comfortable with either DC walking to school on their own but I'm much more relaxed about them walking together. I looked on the school website for policies and read everything that is there - but there is nothing about journey to school. I'm sure if I asked I would be told that it is "generally understood" or was in a newsletter that I got at some stage in the year.

I spoke with both DCs about the email and DC2 suggested the headmistress had sent the email to cover herself from liability (DC2 is a cynical one).

I'm fine to bring the DCs to school everyday but I really wanted to give them the sense of independence that I got walking on my own. If the school won't let DC2 walk to school until Y5 DC1 will have gone to secondary so DC1 and DC2 will never get the chance to walk to school on their own. I do think the email is a bit OTT, especially the reference to safeguarding which I read as the implicit threat of being reported to social services if I don't do what they tell me.

The better part of me says to just suck it up and accept it and that's what I will do. However, I wanted to get thoughts on whether I am way out of line with social norms.

@justfiveminutes Thank you for your post. I have no issue with the school following up and I never said I did. I have an issue with the rule - because I think it does not make sense - or at least does not make sense for me. I feel it's very one-size-fits-all and that there are a lot of irrational biases of certain groups that feed into how these sorts of rules are set. I definitely do have an issue with another parent going to the school about how my children on this sort of basis, and if I ever find out who that other parent is I will tell them I think it's disappointing that they did not come and speak with me first.

With respect, don't you think they avoided coming to you first because they suspected the sort of outrage displayed on this thread?

Don't be too hard on them. Whenever parents have reported something to me it usually starts with 'I'm sure it's fine, their mum seems lovely, but I need to mention it because if something happened I'd never forgive myself...'

It could also be a teacher who has seen them of course, or overheard them talking about it at school.

It is great that the school deals with safeguarding concerns so robustly. I won't post again as have nothing to add really. Good luck with it all.

I've got you mixed up with another poster @justfiveminutes pls ignore my last post, I'll ask for it to be removed.

@SteerMap "I wouldn't dream of not talking with school about drop off arrangements, it's a partnership and I have found schools mostly supportive" I'm not clear when you think I should have spoken with the school - after I was contacted or before. As soon as the school contacted me I met the head the next day to discuss. I didn't speak with them previously because I was not aware there was any issue around this. As I noted in my OP, the school has nothing on its website about how pupils travel to school. I think that point about parents being expected to pick up things by osmosis (which several other posters have agreed with) is a fair one.

I'm not sure what I'm being obstinate about. I engaged with the head - I told her that as immigrants and dual nations we're aware that we and our children are in the UK on sufferance and when in Rome, do as the Romans do, and all that. However, I did also explain why we had taken the approach we had - because it's important in the context to show it was not just benign neglect. I explained the route, the considerations we had taken into account, how we had been showing our DC how to take themselves and there were weeks of letting them walk further ahead on their own, watching how they negotiated the pedestrian crossing, etc. and that we just have a difference of philosophy about how to best to raise children. Probably overjustifying myself, but there you go.

@justfiveminutes "With respect, don't you think they avoided coming to you first because they suspected the sort of outrage displayed on this thread?"

What the mothers who say things like, 'I'm sure it's fine, their mum seems lovely, but I need to mention it because if something happened I'd never forgive myself...', are effectively doing is trying to enforce their own approach to raising children on to the rest of us. There are many choices made by those mothers that I would not make myself, e.g. regarding drinking alcohol when children are present, giving children iPads, putting girls in princess dresses and tiaras for birthday parties, but I don't get involved in their choices. (It was not a teacher.)

I would have spoken with the school beforehand. If your kids are in year 5 and 3 you will have learnt that your school have established routines around the school run, it's courteous to inform school about a less common school run arrangement. It's great that you did have a conversation though and it certainly sounds like you prepared you dc really well. Don't get me wrong, I fully agree with letting kids walk to school from 8 or 9 if the journey is manageable a lot of English parenting overprotective.

What the mothers who say things like, 'I'm sure it's fine, their mum seems lovely, but I need to mention it because if something happened I'd never forgive myself...',

Is this how it played out? That is ridiculous of the other mother(s) Busy body curtain twitching. If these are mum friends, I could never forgive them if I were you. I agree with you that some people have extremely strange priorities. I hope you will find out who snitched on you and tell them what you think about them and their parenting. They are probably jealous that your daughters get on well or something.

You are not being unreasonable provided you are confident your children are capable and confident at this age. I know I am ancient but at it age it would have been normal to do what you are doing. In fact there was an occasion when my friend and I were allowed out of junior school early to collect her little sister from infant school. My daughter is in year 4 and I currently take her to breakfast and afterschool club but I an acutely aware that when she gets to year 7 she will need to walk 1.5 miles each way to school and back on her own as I work FT. In prep for this I am gradually teaching her the skills to do this safety. For example road safety, how to lock and unlock our door. What to check is off before leaving the house. What to do if approached by a stranger etc, etc. All things a young person needs to known to keep themselves safe. Regardless if you contine if do drop offs and pick ups at secondary school you should be teaching your children these essential life skills.

@SteerMap In my experience, a lot of people are threatened by people choosing to make different choices to them. We don't own a car. It's unnecessary. We go to work by tube or bus, and live 5 mins walk from a tube station and six different bus routes. We have a zipcar membership but use it only a handful of times a year. According to the DC, every other child in their classes lives in a family with a car. We're far from impoverished. When we run the numbers it just doesn't make sense for us as a family. Some other parents are obsessed with the idea that we should have a car - they've said that our children are suffering because they are required to walk or use public transport to get anywhere. I think this difference may be part of the reason we are more comfortable with our children walking to school than other parents (who always/mostly drive their children even though distances are ridiculous to be doing so) are with theirs doing so.

I do think it's true that some high profile abductions created significant cultural change over this in England, the US, and a few other places. That doesn't mean that the change was a good thing, but it's worth understanding why it happened, rather than blaming it on middle class white people scared of diversity.

The real game changer I suspect was actually the way the media covered these events, and how far and wide the coverage went. Before events like these tended to be more locally known, but all of a sudden you could see something that happened across the country, or in another country, on the tv. People sudden;y felt like these things were real risks even though objectively, they weren't.

This all dovetailed with a number of other things - the increasing number of mothers going out to work, and in some places an increase in kids home alone as a result. This fell out of favour, with some justification, and then kids needed to be supervised in programs. SO instead of playing out with local mums keeping an eye on them, kids became used to being programmed all the time, and parents became used to the idea that kids needed constant close supervision.

There was also over this period a change in school culture in many places with kids having to travel much farther to school; a significant increase in traffic and also often less sidewalk provision, and a real explosion of safety and liability culture. And more recently, competitive, high intensity parenting has become more normal.

Not all of these pressures were present, or they played out differently, in other places, so they outcomes were different too.

My children are now 25, 23 and 18. I always liked to know they were safely in school, so they were dropped off every day on my way to work (fulltime). To counter some of the earlier comments, my husband has always worked fulltime too, as we both have, apart from my maternity leaves. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me to make sure they get to school, warm and dry apart from anything else! From secondary school, they had to make their own way home.

"Is this how it played out? That is ridiculous of the other mother(s) Busy body curtain twitching. If these are mum friends, I could never forgive them if I were you. I agree with you that some people have extremely strange priorities. I hope you will find out who snitched on you and tell them what you think about them and their parenting. They are probably jealous that your daughters get on well or something."

I'm not referring to the op's situation now but more generally. It is really important that safeguarding is not seen as 'busybody curtain twitching.' If you see something that concerns you about the care of a child, please do report it. If it comes to nothing - great. But I can't tell you how many serious issues of neglect and abuse are uncovered because a parent has noticed a small thing 'that is probably nothing' but is actually the tip of the iceberg.

@Outofwater I know it's moving away from the subject, but you mentioned it! Where is the evidence that teaching assistants add no value to the classroom and a negative impact at that?

What about children who need extra help? 1 class teacher can't be there for 30 kids individual needs!

What about school trips, they would be a no go as it would be a huge safe guarding issue having 1 teacher in charge of 30 kids on a school outing!

Plenty more scenarios where a teaching assistants skills are required.

There was a huge study a couple of years ago that showed that TAs helped the teacher but not the kids - I know it's counter-intuitive but the more time a child spends with a TA, the less they learn, very little measurable difference in the observed outcomes. I think schools largely ignored it, and parents fight for TA support.

It is no business of the school's. They are your children and you can look after them how you like as long as you are looking after them. They are responsible for them once they get to school and can also act if they think they are being abused or neglected. I walked to school alone from a younger age and my route was not as safe. I do not consider this particular part of my childhood to be a negative at all.

I would be annoyed that the school has sent the letter and that they said there is a safeguarding issue. I would start taking them to school to stop the school taking it further but I would also respond to the school to let them know that the girls are yours, you are looking after them and if you want the school's advice on matters unrelated to their education you will ask for it.

That is a simplistic and misleading summary of the research into TAs. A trained, experienced TA used correctly does, in fact, have a positive effect on attainment and engagement. This post by a well regarded education solicitor explains it in detail better than I could.

I think if you have explained your rationale to the HT, then I would continue to do what you are doing. From a risk POV, you are reducing overall risk to your children by giving them independence. This is not neglectful. It is not that you do not care or are too busy. You have made an informed decision, about children that you love and care about.
If school raised a safeguarding, you might receive a phonecall from a social worker and you would have the same conversation as you had with the HT, about the route, and how you prepared the kids and addressed their safety, and that they enjoy the independence and are not scared about being without you .
I think the safeguarding would be closed down pretty quickly.
I had 3 children close in age who walked ( cycled/ scootered)to school together. I had to wait until year 4 but my youngest was an August baby so was 8 at start of year 4.
Prior to that I had a mad year where they all set off on bikes and scooters, I arrived, huffing and puffing about 5 minutes after them, checked all the bikes were in the stand and went home again as they were in playground by then.
My siblings and I walked a mile to primary school and only for a lift if it was raining heavily.
I honestly don't think adults have any idea how to risk assessment any more.
It would be interesting for example to compare number of children killed en route to primary school on foot with number of children killed en route to school in cars.
Also those killed or injured without parents present and numbers with parents present.
Without looking I would guess that fatal car accidents were much higher( so not safer to be dropped off) and that walking accidents, numbers likely to be similar.

My kids were nearly killed in a hit and run at a pedestrian crossing en route to school and I was right there. Made no difference to an idiot who was not concentrating.

@justfiveminutes I have never come across that research, it would certainly make an interesting read, will definitely search the web for a peruse.

My experience with TAs for my youngest has been invaluable and they have given him so much support and helped him with his anxieties. The class teachers have always been great too but they just would never have been able to offer the same support a TA has been able to.

I know every classroom is different but the thought of no TA to support my youngest is just too disheartening to think about. I would absolutely be one of those parents who would fight for it if it there was an indication of ot being taken away.

@MangyInseam You have nailed it with that explanation. I find it sad though, because as a society we have lost so much and the risks of letting kids be more independent do not outweigh the benefits. Cars are a very dangerous mode of transport yet most people don't think twice about driving kids around.

I live in Switzerland now, and kids walk the distance OP describes from around age 5, sometimes even 4. My son is almost 8 and he's been walking to school independently for years now so the idea that he's not "old enough" would be laughable to him. No-one checks that primary school kids are "handed over" to someone at the end of the day, they simply walk out and then they're the parents' responsibility. There's no fences around the school or playgrounds, they're just open, in theory kids could just go wandering off or walk home, but they don't. We also let kids play outside unsupervised here, and send them to the shop to fetch things etc. The area we live in is a normal busy built-up area, not a quiet rural village.

I should add I wouldn't have considered any of this living in the UK but I think maybe it's time to challenge some of our British 'cultural norms' because they're based on paranoia and not what's best for kids.

I think it's good that the school are being cautious, but I think YANBU.

It depends on lots of different factors - route, traffic, child(ren)'s maturity and awareness. Always a bit difficult to work out and judge how to balance risk and benefit. It sounds to me that you've assessed this carefully, though. I would maybe keep the conversation going on this basis - just explain what you've explained here.

the one thing that I think is a factor is that the most dangerous points for children walking to school are (somewhat ironically) the immediate surrounds of the school itself. I've seen horribly dangerous driving from parents, buses and taxis around drop-off areas - people reversing onto pavements where small children are running past, cars racing to the school to get there on time, and of course the enormous volume of traffic overall. It's honestly scary. So unfortunately the school run is probably more dangerous than many other routes.

FWIW I think the answer is to encourage more people to walk more, to teach and support children to walk on their own and have better road sense.

If your children don’t arrive at school and you haven’t rung them in as absent surely the school would check this regardless of whether you bring them or they walk? I don’t see how it’s any of the schools business to comment on this decision unless the children were not on time or were themselves upset.

I don’t think 8.5 is too young to walk to school. With or without an older sister. I walked much further to school with my friend from around the same age. In other European countries this is very normal. In Spain children walk from 6 years old.

I think it’s so important children are able to build independence and confidence and therefore resilience in the years leading up to secondary. I’ve found the more independence I have given my daughter, the more in control she feels of her life. I have always done this in a managed way.

I do wonder whether some of the massive increase we have seen in mental health issues stems from this over protective parenting and excessive health and safety we see in schools etc The message being - you need to fear everything and you are not safe or capable of thinking for yourself.

@ginexplorer If your children don’t arrive at school and you haven’t rung them in as absent surely the school would check this regardless of whether you bring them or they walk?

At what time and how much effort should the school make if one of their year 3 children doesn't turn up? Is leaving a voicemail an hour or so after the child should have arrived adequate? As that is perfectly adequate if an adult is bringing them to the school gate every day.

"If your children don’t arrive at school and you haven’t rung them in as absent surely the school would check this regardless of whether you bring them or they walk?"

Yes we would check regardless but without urgency. If the office is busy, they might get to it at 10am. If parents don't answer, they'll leave a message and maybe try again in the afternoon.

If we know a child walks to school, and is doing so a little younger than the norm for the area, that'd be the first call and it'd be followed up if they couldn't get hold of parents.

Schools generally aren't setting out to piss parents off when we ask for certain information or put guidance in place. We're busy so we don't do it for fun either. We are trying to keep kids as safe as we can.