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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why having an elective C-Section is so frowned upon?

663 replies

Rosesandbutterflys · 27/04/2022 11:50

I am (hopefully) having an elective C-Section soon. First baby, don't want anymore children after.

I've always had a fear of child birth, which over the past 5 years has been compounded by a lot of people around me having children and the vast majority of these (though I appreciate I'm probably unlucky here) have been pretty traumatic births that have ended in severe tears, forceps and a lot of the time, an emergency section anyway. Granted their experiences have mostly been better on their second birth/ child.

Nothing and I truly mean nothing about natural childbirth/ labour appeals to me. Not the hours of pain, pushing, potential rips/ tears, forcep intervention, epidural (yes I appreciate I'd have one of these for a section), damage of my pelvic floor and the panic and stress of potentially having to be rushed to theatre because it just wasn't going to happen naturally and the baby is in distress or whatever.

Now don't get me wrong, nothing about a c-section appeals to me either, it's absolutely no walk in the park and I'm dreading it, but it has to come out some way and I am a person that likes to plan things and to somewhat be in control/ aware of the plan. I have also had abdominal surgery before (though not as severe as a C-section) and I know recovery is likely to be painful and slower than if I were to have a natural birth. But for me, this is the preferred/ lesser of the 2 evils option.

I have also spent hours pouring over research as to the benefits of a vaginal birth over a c-section and last night came across a NICE/ NHS study/ research that found that actually, for a planned/ elective c-section, the risk to the mother of a c-section compared to a vaginal birth is pretty much the same. It states that the risk of the baby ending up in NICU with a C-section is 13.9% compared to a vaginal birth which is 6.3%, so double the risk, BUT it says the research does not take into account the fact that most c-sections undertaken are for medical reasons and therefore the likelihood of the baby needing NICU attention after it's born is increased anyway.

It then went on to say that the risks of an unplanned, emergency C-Section are a lot higher than a natural birth/ elective/ planned C-Section. So I guess if each woman was guaranteed to have a straightforward, natural birth, then great, but a lot of women do end up needing an emergency c-section so, technically they are more at risk than someone who has chosen an elective.

This now seems like I am bashing natural delivery and I'm not at all I totally admire and respect women that chose that route, I only wish I were that brave.

However, the responses I have had from people my whole pregnancy when I have admitted I am opting for an elective C-section have been ridiculous. Not one person has responded positively, all I've had is 'Oh, really? Are you sure??' and 'Oh, why on earth would you elect to have that?' etc etc. Or just a stony faced, tight smile and 'oh right' making it clear they disapprove but not actually coming out and saying it.

I got told last night that the reason I'm getting these reactions is because a C-section is 'taking the easy way out '😕

If that's the case, why on earth wouldn't you? Why is it that it seems the prerequisite to being a good mother is seemingly having to martyr yourself all the time?

So many of my friends that have had children and also the women in my NCT class who are preparing for their births have all expressed dismay/ distress at having to have any pain relief, they all want it to be as natural as possible and I know my friends that haven't had 'textbook' births still harbour 'guilt' and sadness to this day. Why? If you need gas and air or an epidural, so what? What exactly am I missing? If they ended/end up with forceps or an emergency section, it's not their fault, it's just one of those things. Surely modern medicine has provided these things to make childbirth safer?

Anyway, gone off on a tangent now but if you disapprove of someone having an elective c-section, could you tell me why?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 27/04/2022 19:09

I literally couldn't care less what anyone else does and I find it a bit strange that people do care.

I chose the easier option for me of a natural birth. Popped my kids out within a few hours, was up and in the shower within half and hour and home for lunch.

Herejustforthisone · 27/04/2022 19:13

SweetPetrichor · 27/04/2022 19:03

I don’t think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS…your body is designed to give birth. If there’s medical reason, sure, but it’s a big cop out and waste of resources to allow people elective c-sections. Probably an unpopular opinion, sure, but if you’re scared of childbirth, don’t have children.

I don’t care if it’s a cop out in your non-clinical ignorant opinion.

I wanted an elective and by Jove I was going to get one. I wanted no part of a vaginal birth. Arguably, it would have affected my mental health detrimentally had I been forced to give birth vaginally. Anyway, they didn’t force me. They said to me, and I quote, “you’ll probably wind up with stitches whichever way you do it.”

So I chose the stitches I didn’t have to sit on.

I am a bloody good mother though, despite being a total ‘cop out’. 😁 It’s hilarious you think people should be denied motherhood on that basis.

Also my pregnancy wasn’t entirely planned. I wonder what you’d suggest would be the solution in that instance…

HardyBuckette · 27/04/2022 19:15

SweetPetrichor · 27/04/2022 19:03

I don’t think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS…your body is designed to give birth. If there’s medical reason, sure, but it’s a big cop out and waste of resources to allow people elective c-sections. Probably an unpopular opinion, sure, but if you’re scared of childbirth, don’t have children.

Mmm, creationism is rather out of fashion these days yes.

notanotherbloodystreetparty · 27/04/2022 19:15

MRex · 27/04/2022 17:29

Not Croydon, but home 2 days after C-section. I was desperate to get home, I'd been in for much longer before the birth. I think it's pretty standard unless the baby needs longer.

Then I am very jealous!

One thing worse than your own newborn crying all the time for the first 3-4 days of their life is the 4 newborns crying all the time, never at the same time. I got zero sleep for those 3-4 days and begged to go home. Not allowed.

The only person I know who got to go home after 2 days post-C-section was not a first time mother, she already had kids. Maybe they are stricter with the first time Mums? Idk. Maybe it varies by hospital.

Either way, it was particularly bitchy of another NCT mum to say that I was lucky to have had a C-section because I would not be requiring any surgery (yes, that's right, they must have magicked that baby out of my tummy).
Not great of the NCT leader to congratulate us on our new babies and 'only one C-section!) - yeah for everyone else, sorry for letting the class down, but hey at least DC is alive...

Topseyt123 · 27/04/2022 19:15

SweetPetrichor · 27/04/2022 19:03

I don’t think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS…your body is designed to give birth. If there’s medical reason, sure, but it’s a big cop out and waste of resources to allow people elective c-sections. Probably an unpopular opinion, sure, but if you’re scared of childbirth, don’t have children.

Yet another load of bollocks.

SexyPortugese · 27/04/2022 19:17

SweetPetrichor · 27/04/2022 19:03

I don’t think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS…your body is designed to give birth. If there’s medical reason, sure, but it’s a big cop out and waste of resources to allow people elective c-sections. Probably an unpopular opinion, sure, but if you’re scared of childbirth, don’t have children.

What a stupid thing to say when two women die every minute from childbirth. Utterly moronic.

ChocBloc · 27/04/2022 19:19

Not great of the NCT leader to congratulate us on our new babies and 'only one C-section!) - yeah for everyone else, sorry for letting the class down, but hey at least DC is alive. that is absolutely horrendous.

Overthebow · 27/04/2022 19:22

I don't think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS. Nothing to do with it being the easy option or a 'cop out', but the NHS is stretched with limited resources and should really only be there for essentials, not elective treatment. Fair enough if there's a medical reason though.

HardyBuckette · 27/04/2022 19:25

Overthebow · 27/04/2022 19:22

I don't think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS. Nothing to do with it being the easy option or a 'cop out', but the NHS is stretched with limited resources and should really only be there for essentials, not elective treatment. Fair enough if there's a medical reason though.

Why have you decided that elective sections stretch the NHS more than attempting vaginal births?

volezvoo · 27/04/2022 19:43

FairyCakeWings · 27/04/2022 17:38

I don’t agree with elective c sections on the NHS unless they are medically indicated because the NHS rarely offers treatment choices for actual illnesses and injuries so I can’t see why it needs to do it for labour when it’s a choice to be pregnant.

It just doesn’t seem fair to me. In an ideal world we’d all be able to take the medical options that suited us best instead of what was quicker and easier, but we don’t. Choices cost money, so if you want to have an operation instead of giving birth then that’s a fair choice, but pay for it yourself.

When calculated properly attempting a vaginal birth is the same cost as choosing an elective c-section. Since that’s the case I really don’t see an issue with women weighing up the options and choosing what happens to their bodies, what the consequences may be for them etc

Cornettoninja · 27/04/2022 19:44

Overthebow · 27/04/2022 19:22

I don't think elective c-sections should be available on the NHS. Nothing to do with it being the easy option or a 'cop out', but the NHS is stretched with limited resources and should really only be there for essentials, not elective treatment. Fair enough if there's a medical reason though.

Given the nature of birth I would think a planned for procedure is inherently more cost effective and safer than spontaneous demands on the service.

EarlGreywithLemon · 27/04/2022 20:04

@Cornettoninja and you are right, especially if you factor in the costs of treating birth injuries and their consequences long term.

Original poster
Rosesandbutterflys · 27/04/2022 20:39

Wow. So many replies I wouldn’t even know where to start.

Some of the replies on this thread are completely illustrative of what I’ve been saying re judgement. Anyone who thinks there isn’t judgement directed at mothers who chose to have elective c-sections are living in cuckoo land. You only have to read the replies on this thread to know there absolutely is judgement. It also shows that people do not do their research before making absurd claims like vaginal births being much less risky and c sections costing SO much more than vaginal births etc. Please at least be able to back up your claims with evidence.

Thank you so much to all the posters who have given their positive birth experiences (be it vaginal or c-section) and have made the effort to pull other posters up on their ridiculous claims and horrible attitudes.

I will be going ahead with my elective and will pray for a good outcome for both myself and my baby.

OP posts:
BeeBeeBea · 27/04/2022 20:45

I wouldn't engage in any discussion about it. Just side step the conversation. I've had 2 ELCSs. Both great, positive experiences. The negativity I think is from people knowing/experiencing emergency CSs, which are very different experiences to the elective kind.

Vaginal birthing seems really brutal in comparison to my ELCS experience. Birth injuries amongst my friends who've followed the natural path is really high. I wouldn't want to go through that either. I don't understand why anyone would.

Louise0701 · 27/04/2022 23:04

@notanotherbloodystreetparty

Jessops maternity hospital
1st c-section 10.27am Monday, home by Tuesday evening

2nd C section 13.56 Wednesday, home for 4pm Thursday

3rd c-section 15.49 Thursday home for Friday teatime I think around 5.30ish

Up and showered with slow and steady walks first thing the next morning with the last 2 and has a shower that evening with the first.
fabulous birthday, fabulous recoveries and didn’t need painkillers past day 5 with any of them (paracetamol)

Louise0701 · 27/04/2022 23:06

@BeeBeeBea I’m with you! My best friend is on laxatives for the rest of her life after the injuries she got from her vaginal birth and isn’t allowed another vaginal birth. She could barely sit down for about 6 months after the birth and couldn’t even contemplate breastfeeding, playgroups, walks with the pram, all the usual things as she was in agony.

my sister tore front to back, again in complete agony, and another friend won’t even contemplate another vaginal birth.

c section anyday for me! I have zero desire to do such damage to myself!
3 C-sections later and my births have had zero effect on my life.

heartofgoldcoins · 27/04/2022 23:19

Ehhhh I have two friends who both had elected caesarians stating they were both so small (and tight) that they didn't think they would be able to birth naturally. One went further and said she didn't want to ruin her tight vag for her boyf.

I sat there, having had two vaginal births feeling like they must think I've got the dartford tunnel between my legs or something. Made me feel a bit shit tbf

MangyInseam · 27/04/2022 23:28

Lots of people don't think that , generally speaking, medical interventions are a great idea unless they are medically indicated. I'd go so far as to say it's a principle in evidence based care.

And in a socialized medical system there are cost implications and they are fairly significantly different.

You don't have to agree with those assessments obviously OP, but it's not just that people are just wanting women to suffer or are being nosy. It has to do with how people understand the role of medicine.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 28/04/2022 00:32

There is so much misogyny on this thread! I’m really stunned at how much.

There is also a shit ton of incorrect information. By all means, post about your own experiences but if you want to talk about the costs of a procedure, the potential risks of VB versus CS, the potential consequences and aftercare required for either, please at least try to be accurate.

Also, you know how so many people say the NHS is the envy of the world? This thread illustrates why it isn’t! Childbirth on the NHS is barbaric. I think I would choose any other western nation in the world rather than give birth on the NHS. Probably quite a few non-western ones too, if I could go private.

Superhanz · 28/04/2022 01:50

I didn't care how my daughter got here as long as it was safe and hopefully with not too much pain for me! I honestly don't understand why some women get so hung up on a birth plan, surely as long as both mother and baby are safe that's the only truly important thing.

I had an ELCS after a failed induction in the early stages. A VERY kindly midwive told me that in her experience if things weren't moving along like they should have been then it was likely to end in EMCS. At that stage I said I didn't want to proceed so they either I went home or they booked me in for ELCS. Thankfully they chose the latter.

My C section went like a dream, it was a very positive experience with a very quick recovery. My sister was in worse shape after a pretty straightforward vaginal birth.

Other women sympathised with me that I was having a section but out of all my friends I think I had one of the best births and quickest recoveries. I honestly think the NHS can't afford to do so many c sections and will always push for a vaginal birth. Even on the morning of my surgery the consultant tried to talk me into having my waters broken instead!

Good luck and hopefully it's a super quick and pain free recovery like many of us have experienced.

Superhanz · 28/04/2022 02:14

And I was home the next day, this was my first baby too they said i could stay in an extra night if I felt I needed it but I was definitely ready to go home. By day 5 I was out walking the dog.

PrinnyPree · 28/04/2022 02:36

3 days of labour, several sweeps, induction that barely got 3cm dialation after 8 hours. Having epidural attempts inbetween agonising contractions that took 9 attempts before a consultant had to come in to perform it. Finally ended in an emergency c-section (which went super smoothly). If I ever had another it would be an elective c-section (not sure my body is even capable of natural birth, thank God for the NHS, birth would have probably killed me) I would never judge anyone for going for an elective. X

ChampagneLassie · 28/04/2022 02:39

@Rosesandbutterflys id 100% support you in opting for elective c-section. I opted for a, natural birth and the chaos I encountered at the hospital was nothing like midwife & NCT led me to believe. I had a horrendous experience resulting in me needing emergency C section, I believe through poor care and understaffing. My recovery has been far more challenging than my 2 NCT friends who had planned c section. I think natural should and could be great but its not just your body it's NHS resources you're relying on and these are painfully stretched at present. If I'd known what the hospital could be like I'd have opted for a planned c section.
As to the moral judgements - stuff anyone who says anything negative. None of their business. But just b/c someone asks doesn't mean judgement - I think people just making conversation. I certainly didn't judge anyone else's choices I wad just intrested talking to other expectant mums what they were planning. But if you feel worried just don't discuss. Or something like "we've not decided yet / we'll see" and change topic.

ChampagneLassie · 28/04/2022 02:45

My goodness I've just read some of the negative posts on here. I'll add had I realised how dire straits the NHS is personally I would have gone private and elective c section so I wouldn't be costing tax payer money (to which I've contributed handsomely!) . From my experience and reviewing data of rise of emergency C section I'd suggest NHS mis management is causing huge rise in costs and individuals should be able to opt for c section if they want. Emergencies are far more costly than planned c sections.

Hiddenvoice · 28/04/2022 03:00

I had a high risk pregnancy and was under consultant care too. I decided to go elective before the medical decision was given. The nhs couldn’t have been more supportive and didn’t question me or see me as a burden money wise.
Ive found lots of people to be judgemental of my decision and say it’s the easy way out. I had my section 2 weeks ago. It all went to plan, was exactly what I expected but it wasn’t just a walk in the park. It annoys me that people think it’s an easy way out. Recovery is a lot longer and you are limited with what you can and can’t do. For almost 2 weeks j could not get up to help my baby when she needed it. I needed someone at home with me at all times to pick my baby up and give her to me. Everyone recovers differently so you’re experience of pain might be better or worse than mine.
Ignore everyone who makes a judgmental comment. You know what’s right for you and your baby!