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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why having an elective C-Section is so frowned upon?

663 replies

Rosesandbutterflys · 27/04/2022 11:50

I am (hopefully) having an elective C-Section soon. First baby, don't want anymore children after.

I've always had a fear of child birth, which over the past 5 years has been compounded by a lot of people around me having children and the vast majority of these (though I appreciate I'm probably unlucky here) have been pretty traumatic births that have ended in severe tears, forceps and a lot of the time, an emergency section anyway. Granted their experiences have mostly been better on their second birth/ child.

Nothing and I truly mean nothing about natural childbirth/ labour appeals to me. Not the hours of pain, pushing, potential rips/ tears, forcep intervention, epidural (yes I appreciate I'd have one of these for a section), damage of my pelvic floor and the panic and stress of potentially having to be rushed to theatre because it just wasn't going to happen naturally and the baby is in distress or whatever.

Now don't get me wrong, nothing about a c-section appeals to me either, it's absolutely no walk in the park and I'm dreading it, but it has to come out some way and I am a person that likes to plan things and to somewhat be in control/ aware of the plan. I have also had abdominal surgery before (though not as severe as a C-section) and I know recovery is likely to be painful and slower than if I were to have a natural birth. But for me, this is the preferred/ lesser of the 2 evils option.

I have also spent hours pouring over research as to the benefits of a vaginal birth over a c-section and last night came across a NICE/ NHS study/ research that found that actually, for a planned/ elective c-section, the risk to the mother of a c-section compared to a vaginal birth is pretty much the same. It states that the risk of the baby ending up in NICU with a C-section is 13.9% compared to a vaginal birth which is 6.3%, so double the risk, BUT it says the research does not take into account the fact that most c-sections undertaken are for medical reasons and therefore the likelihood of the baby needing NICU attention after it's born is increased anyway.

It then went on to say that the risks of an unplanned, emergency C-Section are a lot higher than a natural birth/ elective/ planned C-Section. So I guess if each woman was guaranteed to have a straightforward, natural birth, then great, but a lot of women do end up needing an emergency c-section so, technically they are more at risk than someone who has chosen an elective.

This now seems like I am bashing natural delivery and I'm not at all I totally admire and respect women that chose that route, I only wish I were that brave.

However, the responses I have had from people my whole pregnancy when I have admitted I am opting for an elective C-section have been ridiculous. Not one person has responded positively, all I've had is 'Oh, really? Are you sure??' and 'Oh, why on earth would you elect to have that?' etc etc. Or just a stony faced, tight smile and 'oh right' making it clear they disapprove but not actually coming out and saying it.

I got told last night that the reason I'm getting these reactions is because a C-section is 'taking the easy way out '😕

If that's the case, why on earth wouldn't you? Why is it that it seems the prerequisite to being a good mother is seemingly having to martyr yourself all the time?

So many of my friends that have had children and also the women in my NCT class who are preparing for their births have all expressed dismay/ distress at having to have any pain relief, they all want it to be as natural as possible and I know my friends that haven't had 'textbook' births still harbour 'guilt' and sadness to this day. Why? If you need gas and air or an epidural, so what? What exactly am I missing? If they ended/end up with forceps or an emergency section, it's not their fault, it's just one of those things. Surely modern medicine has provided these things to make childbirth safer?

Anyway, gone off on a tangent now but if you disapprove of someone having an elective c-section, could you tell me why?

OP posts:
livingfarfromfamily · 27/12/2022 08:44

I fully support any woman’s right to choose a c section. However, I didn’t have natural births because I was prioritising my “birth experience” over the health of my baby! Can’t we just support maternal choice, does there need to be a hierarchy?

SVRT19674 · 27/12/2022 08:54

I started natural birth and ended emergency C-section and they had to resuscitate my 8 monther and she was 3 days in intensive care, she was only given the ok 6 months later when her brain scans where normal. So, what I´m trying to say is no system will guarantee you anything. You do what is right for you, just bear in mind something invariably goes awry and your best laid plans can go to hell. So, be water my friend. And sod the busybodies judging what is neither here nor there for them. Oh, I also formula fed. My daughter is fine. She is nearly 5 now. YOu do what is best for YOU.

justgotosleepffs · 27/12/2022 10:20

I had 2 emergency c sections.
I think there are some occasions where planned c section is the best choice: if its in the best medical interests of the mother and/or baby.
But just having a planned c section because you don't like the idea of childbirth is a bit lame IMO.
It costs the NHS money.
It carries higher risk to mother and baby, both in the birth itself and beyond.
The revovery is generally much worse after a caesarean. You can't walk proprerly for several days, or lie flat. You have to sleep propped up in a sitting position. You can't lift your baby properly. Yiu will need to have someone to care for you as you can't do stuff like make your own food. You can't drive for weeks and weeks (you can't walk far either) so you're stuck at home alone a lot of the time.
It's NOT an easy option!

Its a bit naive to think that other mums are not worried or bothered by childbirth -
nobody enjoys pain! But some things in life are difficult and painful, and you just have to get on with it. There are LOADS of things about being a parent that are difficult, childbirth is not the hardest bit! Everything from toddler tantrums to teenage rebellion requires hard work, staying power snd a bit of pain , you can't just opt out of it!

SirMingeALot · 27/12/2022 10:26

justgotosleepffs · 27/12/2022 10:20

I had 2 emergency c sections.
I think there are some occasions where planned c section is the best choice: if its in the best medical interests of the mother and/or baby.
But just having a planned c section because you don't like the idea of childbirth is a bit lame IMO.
It costs the NHS money.
It carries higher risk to mother and baby, both in the birth itself and beyond.
The revovery is generally much worse after a caesarean. You can't walk proprerly for several days, or lie flat. You have to sleep propped up in a sitting position. You can't lift your baby properly. Yiu will need to have someone to care for you as you can't do stuff like make your own food. You can't drive for weeks and weeks (you can't walk far either) so you're stuck at home alone a lot of the time.
It's NOT an easy option!

Its a bit naive to think that other mums are not worried or bothered by childbirth -
nobody enjoys pain! But some things in life are difficult and painful, and you just have to get on with it. There are LOADS of things about being a parent that are difficult, childbirth is not the hardest bit! Everything from toddler tantrums to teenage rebellion requires hard work, staying power snd a bit of pain , you can't just opt out of it!

RTFT.

BabyFour2023 · 27/12/2022 10:30

justgotosleepffs · 27/12/2022 10:20

I had 2 emergency c sections.
I think there are some occasions where planned c section is the best choice: if its in the best medical interests of the mother and/or baby.
But just having a planned c section because you don't like the idea of childbirth is a bit lame IMO.
It costs the NHS money.
It carries higher risk to mother and baby, both in the birth itself and beyond.
The revovery is generally much worse after a caesarean. You can't walk proprerly for several days, or lie flat. You have to sleep propped up in a sitting position. You can't lift your baby properly. Yiu will need to have someone to care for you as you can't do stuff like make your own food. You can't drive for weeks and weeks (you can't walk far either) so you're stuck at home alone a lot of the time.
It's NOT an easy option!

Its a bit naive to think that other mums are not worried or bothered by childbirth -
nobody enjoys pain! But some things in life are difficult and painful, and you just have to get on with it. There are LOADS of things about being a parent that are difficult, childbirth is not the hardest bit! Everything from toddler tantrums to teenage rebellion requires hard work, staying power snd a bit of pain , you can't just opt out of it!

Sorry but half of this is a load of shit. Can’t make yourself food? Can’t hold your baby? Have you honestly had c sections cus I’ve had 3 and have many friends who’ve had them and I’ve never known anyone not be able to make themselves food :/ I drove after 8-10 days with all of mine and I certainly wasn’t stuck at home. We went for a weekend away when DS3 was 13 days old and we’d already had days out before then.
You use the word lame in your post yet then go on to seemingly admit to not being able to make yourself any food whatsoever.

Jellybean2023 · 27/12/2022 10:33

You need to do what's right for you.
If it helps, from my experience people judge you the same if you have an epidural as well. One of the first questions people asked was if I had an epidural.
Well yes I did, because he got stuck and I wasn't going to have an episiotomy, failed ventouse and forceps without one. Then the never ending "oh right, well I didn't have one" like you're not a real woman and didn't experience real childbirth because at the very end I had an epidural.

SirMingeALot · 27/12/2022 10:35

BabyFour2023 · 27/12/2022 10:30

Sorry but half of this is a load of shit. Can’t make yourself food? Can’t hold your baby? Have you honestly had c sections cus I’ve had 3 and have many friends who’ve had them and I’ve never known anyone not be able to make themselves food :/ I drove after 8-10 days with all of mine and I certainly wasn’t stuck at home. We went for a weekend away when DS3 was 13 days old and we’d already had days out before then.
You use the word lame in your post yet then go on to seemingly admit to not being able to make yourself any food whatsoever.

Show quote history

Oh yes, I missed the use of the word lame as a derogatory description in that post. Ableism as well as dipshittery.

Iam4eels · 27/12/2022 11:15

The revovery is generally much worse after a caesarean. You can't walk proprerly for several days, or lie flat. You have to sleep propped up in a sitting position. You can't lift your baby properly. Yiu will need to have someone to care for you as you can't do stuff like make your own food. You can't drive for weeks and weeks (you can't walk far either) so you're stuck at home alone a lot of the time.

They get you up and walking in the hospital around 6hrs after a section and certainly by the following morning. They advise to walk upright with a nice straight back and not hunched over because it's better for you, I wasn't running after my vaginal birth either because I felt like I'd had a donkey repeatedly kick me in the fanny and had stitches so uncomfortable walking isn't exclusive to sections.

Sleeping slightly propped up is better for you than sleeping fully flat, the head of the bed is automated so very easy to adjust sleeping position and very easy to replicate at home with pillows. It's not a full-on sitting position just not wholly flat, who sleeps sitting upright!?

They don't tell you not to lift the baby, in fact they encourage it. They tell you to be careful the first night when you might be woozy still from the birth due to drugs/blood loss/blood pressure changes/lack of food, etc but, from experience, they tell you that after a vaginal birth too.

You can make your own food. A caesarean does not impact your ability to stir a pan, peel a vegetable, boil a kettle, etc.

There are no hard and fast rules for driving, as soon as you feel able to do an emergency stop then you can drive although you should check with your insurance to make sure you're covered. I was out walking the school run five days after my first section.

värskekapsas · 27/12/2022 11:16

i had an emergency c section with my first as she was breach, after hours of labouring etc. it was good and honestly I healed very quickly. Apparently lost only 200 ml of blood! everything was done in 10 min! after reading about horrible experiences of natural births ( I didnt read any before birth as I was doing hypnobirthing) I will be choosing selective for my second! It would be even better as you can prepare for it, no stress, just excitement to meet your baby soon.

värskekapsas · 27/12/2022 11:20

also just to say that this mom shaming doesnt stop there, you will experience it with loads of other choices like breastfeeding or not, cosleeping or not, cry it out or not and so on and so on. I am only 1.5 years in to motherhood but my take away is that there is no right or wrong. Every mother will do what is best for her and her baby and those choices would be different for everyone

Iam4eels · 27/12/2022 11:27

@värskekapsas an elective is a world away from an emergency and so much more relaxed. With my elective I was able to have the curtain lowered at the moment of birth and the baby delivered straight onto my chest we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and DH was able to cut it, quick suction and a nappy for the baby and then had skin to skin with the baby inside my gown for the rest of our time in theatre.

EL0ISE · 27/12/2022 11:59

@SirMingeALot
Dunning Kruger, ladies and gentleman.

Grin
Whatyagonnadokatie · 27/12/2022 11:59

i had an elective c section. Tokophobia and vaginismus were the reasons.

it was a very calm procedure and I recovered very quickly.

but did find breastfeeding a struggle: I suspect my body wasn’t “ready”

don’t regret it in the slightest.

anecdotally the people that I’ve heard that had easy enough births tended to be young, fit and slim. Most older mothers that I know seemed to end up with c sections

Nevermind31 · 27/12/2022 12:14

So here are a few lessons…

  • don’t discuss your birth plan with all and sundry. very odd that people ask… but just tell them you’ll see. And leave it at that
  • dont share your child’s name prior to them being born
  • do t share your plans to bf, ff, parenting plans etc.

everyone has an opinion on these, Judy don’t give them the option.

as to csection - I had two (first one was “elective”, but it was discovered fairly last minute that I had a breech baby and needed to come in next day), and for both I recovered quickly and much better than the rest of my NCT group who all had horrific births.
it’s your choice.

Whatyagonnadokatie · 27/12/2022 12:26

Nevermind31 · 27/12/2022 12:14

So here are a few lessons…

  • don’t discuss your birth plan with all and sundry. very odd that people ask… but just tell them you’ll see. And leave it at that
  • dont share your child’s name prior to them being born
  • do t share your plans to bf, ff, parenting plans etc.

everyone has an opinion on these, Judy don’t give them the option.

as to csection - I had two (first one was “elective”, but it was discovered fairly last minute that I had a breech baby and needed to come in next day), and for both I recovered quickly and much better than the rest of my NCT group who all had horrific births.
it’s your choice.

You are the voice of reason. Boundaries are
whats needed

YomAsalYomBasal · 27/12/2022 14:37

Some people see vaginal birth as better for baby, microbes and lung squeezing etc, natures way etc and often the mothers do recover faster. I was a bit envious of my neighbour driving less than a week after giving birth.
However my work involves children left brain damaged at birth, so i see the other side, therefore all of mine have been c section.
Im not sure why anyone feels the need to shame anyone else for their choices though, I think it's often a lack of understanding.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 16:07

I would have thought that elective caeasarians offer the opportunity for medical staff to "train" on caeasarians, without the intense pressure & stress of an elective caeasarian.

I'd imagine emergency caeasarians would be less likely to be wholly successful if they didn't get those opportunities.

There is a constant turnover, it may be a two of three decades but it's still constant) of staff needing to train & learn. I had juniors in my elcs, audibly being trained during it.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 16:10

(There are obviously elcs's that the Mum has been advised to have, but those may not be regular enough to provide good opportunities for staff to train in non emergency circumstances).

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 16:13

I also agree whole heartedly with those who point out that those you fetishise natural birth only do so because they are too ignorant of the mortality stats before medical & surgical interventions.

Nature, when it works well, is a wonderful thing .. .. nature, when it doesn't work in our favour, is also brutally cruel.

They are too ignorant to consider that.

Tiltedandwilted · 27/12/2022 16:20

Is it?

I’ve had nothing but support with mine. Although I don’t really converse with idiots day to day so not sure if that’s a factor.

AntsGoMarchingOneByOne · 27/12/2022 16:27

Yeah, I don't understand it either. Even if it was an "easy way out", so what? Why does everyone have to suffer?

I was on the fence when I was pregnant, because, like the OP, I didn't find either option appealing, but obviously the baby had to come out some way 😁
Ended up with an emergency C-section. No regrets. If I decide to have another child, it will be a C-section again.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 16:34

Why does everyone have to suffer?

Oh, just women though.

There is no equivalent for men.

We wouldn't want women escaping their "natural" suffering.

For some reason some women escaping their "natural" deaths during childbirth (and the same for babies) when interventions work is ok though.

ArabellaScott · 27/12/2022 16:34

Interventions aren't without their own risks and drawbacks, of course.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 16:35

But intervention for pain and suffering is not ok.

The fact that women who have caeasarians still suffer is also irrelevant apparently.

VisaGeezer · 27/12/2022 16:39

ArabellaScott · 27/12/2022 16:34

Interventions aren't without their own risks and drawbacks, of course.

The overall picture is however vastly in their favour

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