Page 6 | To ask you what stops you from living how you want to?

reeeeeeee · 27/04/2022 10:56

Magicpaintbrush · 27/04/2022 10:43

Things I long for - financial security, some disposable income, a pension, a dog, and to live in Cornwall.

I work (long hours often) as an Illustrator but earn peanuts - hence the lack of financial security and disposable income, which also means we cannot afford a dog (which we desperately want, especially for my DD who is an only child and lonely). After bills and basics there is nothing left, I can't afford to replace old clothes which have holes in them.

I really love my job and I work hard, but despise myself for getting into a situation where I am such a low earner - I did really well at school and got mostly As at GCSE and beyond, but I earn less than minimum wage when you do the maths between the fees that publishers are prepared to pay and the hours I actually put in. I am working on a side hustle but have no idea if it will work or not until it's ready to put 'out there' in the world - I hope so. The reason I haven't found a different job is that I lack confidence and feel my skills are not transferrable so I can't think of anything else I'm qualified to do, I have literally painted myself into a corner. I am also quite introverted and socially anxious which doesn't help. I would love to live without the shame I carry around because of this.

And the reason the dream to live in Cornwall hasn't happened - all family live in the South East, parents are getting older, I feel to move away would be to abandon them as they approach the age they might need me more. So I stay put and the dream never becomes a reality.

Literally painted myself into a corner. I find this so poetic.

Why don't you write a children's book?

I have ideas for children's books but get bogged down because I'm unsure how to illustrate one.

If I was an illustrator I'd try and just do my own book. Or have you decided against this?

You could do a story about an illustrator who paints themselves into a corner?

reeeeeeee · 27/04/2022 10:59

I've read lots of self-help books over the years and the information I amalgamated from them really led me to happiness, along with experiences.

Here's an exercise that I read and did from one of the books. I think it would help you.

Write down your perfect day.

Whatever it is, if you're an opera singer then put that, if you're a mother or teacher or whatever, doesn't matter how boring or exciting or seemingly unimaginable it is, if it's YOUR ideal day, put it.

Write down from when you wake up, where you live, who with, what your job is, or if you have no job, what your plans are for later, what music is on, where you live, the city, the type of home etc. etc. etc.

Once you know what your perfect day looks like you can begin to plan the life that will get you there.

andi62 · 27/04/2022 11:10

Mashed lumbar spine and spinal cord/ nerve damage

To ask you what stops you from living how you want to?

Manekinek0 · 27/04/2022 11:12

I've come to the realisation that I am missing the struggle (was going to say the climb but it sounded too wanky).

My life was awful for many years. I worked hard and got myself to a point that I had dreamed of. I have my own business, my children have grown up but are amazing, my DH is perfect but I still feel like something is missing. I thought maybe it was loneliness because I work alone most of the week. So I took on a lower paid job parttime, it's great I get to be part of a team. But still I have that anxious feeling that I am missing something.

So I started a new business and I actually feel better than I have for a while. I wish I could sit back and enjoy time off and feel like it is enough. But I need to be busy. Luckily DH is similar and works 70 hour weeks.

Testina · 27/04/2022 11:19

Cheating husband.
I have a great life, and much to feel grateful for.
But my realistic dream life was to live with my own bloody child full time, and share the happiness and wonder of her with her father.

Testina · 27/04/2022 11:21

Cheating husband.
I have a great life, and much to feel grateful for.
But my realistic dream life was to live with my own bloody child full time, and share the happiness and wonder of her with her father.

houseargh · 27/04/2022 11:22

This sounds awful but truthfully right now, my child's age (19mo). God I love her, but if all of parenting was like this stage I would not do it. Not wishing the days away or anything but I hope life will be more as I would like it to be when she's old enough to entertain herself for a while, enjoys stuff I enjoy also, doesn't tantrum about random, irrational stuff and we can actually do fun days out without being slaves to the nap schedule. Also no longer living in a one bed flat will I hope improve our quality of life, but there's a plan in place to fix that so I'm not sure it counts

PorkPieForStarters · 27/04/2022 11:29

Chishnfips · 26/04/2022 23:09

Money. I am full of creativity like art, making clothes, music, drama, reading and poetry and travel but no time or money to do it all.

Exactly this!

PrettyGirlsMakeGravy · 27/04/2022 12:13

Once you know what your perfect day looks like you can begin to plan the life that will get you there
**
If only it were that straightforward.

Eeksteek · 27/04/2022 12:32

Mostly myself. I’m not miserable by any stretch, but it seems to be part of my nature to want something I don’t have. A sort of unrealisable optimism that something different will be better. I’m quite cheerful about it - but somehow what I have is never quite set up right. It’s not always, or even usually, money or traditional luxuries.

But what’s stopping me from having the life I personally want as an individual is my child. Her needs are different to mine, and it’s my responsibility to meet them. I will, of course, but it quite rightly involves a lot of my dreams on the back burner for now.

tootiredtoocare · 27/04/2022 12:40

We bought a Victorian terraced house (20 years ago, before prices went stupid) with a plan in mind - have our 2nd child, get it (turned out to be a him) to nursery, then I'd go back to work full time and we'd do the house up. Save a bit, do a bit, make it really nice, with the intent to live in it for a long time, location was great, all good. Before he was a year old, I suddenly was hit by a medical condition, out of the blue, totally unexpected and devastating. I never got back to work full time yet. Lived in that house for 20 years and got hardly anything done, which added to the mental health problems caused by my condition and the meds for it. We hit a bit of luck 4 years ago and got a new build instead. I love our new home, but I still think about that house and hope the new owners are doing what I wish we could have done. 5 minutes changed our lives and we never really recovered. If you get a chance, take it.

ssd · 27/04/2022 12:42

Lack of money stops me, pure and simple

Neverendingdust · 27/04/2022 12:44

We are about to make a start on making DPs side hustle something more successful which will hopefully give us the means to relocate to Cornwall within the next year or two…

Whelmed · 27/04/2022 12:47

Fear. I'm afraid of a lot of things and it's held me back at least career wise.

Summersdreaming · 27/04/2022 12:47

10 years ago I would have said money, career and being a single (teenage) mother. Then I decided fuck that and started uni anyway, worked part time and dragged myself out of the benefits trap over the next 8 years. Bloody hard and definitely some luck of the right job opening at the right time.

Now, I'd say time. I'd love to work 4 days a week for a better work life balance but my lifestyle costs too much and I don't want to sacrifice it after years of living hand to mouth.

doingitforyorkshire · 27/04/2022 12:51

Kids and marriage changed my life, I did leave my career for it. I had become a little lost with my career at the time so wasn't that bothered. As time went on I ran a business with my husband and it was doing this that eventually pushed me back to my original career after a 15yr break as I absolutely hated being self-employed despite the fact that it did bring some financial security it made me utterly miserable, sucked the life out of our family life. My return to my previous career will not make me rich but I am so much happier and everyone around me has noticed a more positive improvement in the change.
I feel lucky that I am now in the position to have a second chance at it now that my family life is well established, the kids are older, my husband is semi-retired, etc. I wish I'd felt in the position to have returned earlier but hey ho, life can just get in the way.
I agree that life is too short and if you get the opportunity to give it ago or get your second chance like me to go for it then do it.

user1486015790 · 27/04/2022 12:55

Poor marriage, dh not cooperating , has no dream, doesn't care about saving or living better . I am so resentful

TheWayoftheLeaf · 27/04/2022 13:23

Fear that I won't know what the fuck in doing and will end up penniless.

Peoniesandpeaches · 27/04/2022 16:18

Infertility- I would and am giving everything to have children

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 27/04/2022 16:24

Money and responsibilities.

I am a single parent and my dd has mental health issues which limit how much freedom I have.

KatsuHurry · 27/04/2022 16:37

A) What is it you want for your life that you don't have?

In many ways I have so so many good things in my life. But I made some really bad decision with respect to marriage. Totally my own fault, I should have known better, and addressed things sooner. DH is a nice, kind man, but we've not had sex for 10 years. I've literally tried everything, he refused counseling, and that's it as far as he is concerned. DH is basically a friend, and I want more.

B) What do you think the reason is?

I've stayed because of kids, but I feel so unloved, undesired.

All going well, DS will start in Uni in Sep, fingers crossed. Then I'll be leaving (or having an open relationship if he agrees). I feel I've missed out on a life.

Bolognia · 27/04/2022 16:43

Money. I imagine that’s the answer for most people! Cant buy the house, car, clothes etc that I want. Cant travel or go out regularly. Can’t do stuff I enjoy like music or art because I’m too busy working just to pay the bills and doing my own chores because I can’t afford a cleaner. If I won £1m I could solve all of those problems.

Adelais · 27/04/2022 18:27

Anxiety, low self esteem and probable ADHD for me.
Money too but if it wasn’t for the above I’d probably be able to support myself financially.