To ask you what stops you from living how you want to?

[billes]

Im mid thirties, no real career, no financial success, i am not living the life i so badly long for.

Which made me curious....

A) What is it you want for your life that you don't have?
B) What do you think the reason is?

I'm talking realistic dream life, nothing unattainable.

Another one here with a touch of the ‘tism combined with ADHD.

Explains the trouble I had when I was younger though which takes the wondering away.

Learnt to live well in spite of it but it’s taken until I was 40 to learn to do so.

adhd, I think. Either that or shit willpower and chronic disorganisation.

Chronic pain. Caring responsibilities. My own flakiness.

money.
We are ok but have zero savings, we pay the bills,thats it!
I cant see us owning a house (Both previously have) , I cant see us going abroad anytime soon.
We have nice 'Stay-Cation' holidays.
Overall, we have a good life so cant complain.

Money & an inability to decide on what I actually want to do with my life.
I have a job, but not a career, it's not fulfilling in any sense. I have lots of interests but we lack the funds for me to pursue any of them properly to see if they could be worthwhile.

Poor health, chronic pain, and living on disability benefits. I left home at 17, was homeless on and off until I was 26, and have never really recovered from that.

My feelings of obligation and love toward my children (and the youngest is 20).

I was listening to something today on NPR and the woman said her mother taught her that everyone spends 8 or so hours sleeping and everyone spends 8 or so hours in school or working (if they are lucky) so it is how you spend the other 8 hours of the day that matters - her mother wanted them to spend those 8 hours working in pursuit of their dreams.

@purpleme12 @Throwawaytoday and OP Well, it has weirdly made me grateful for everything I did have / have / might have for longer. We don’t have a massive house no it’s a classic damp Victorian end of terrace but we have a bedroom each and it’s by the sea. I’ve given up actively anting a bigger house I just want to live, emphasis on the live, in my house. My career has highs and lows obviously very much a low now as am self employed and can’t work. But in general I like/d what I did, was good at it, and occasionally got some recognition. I’ve realised that’s enough for me. I have a brilliant DD who will be 4 in August and then off to school and honestly nothing matters more in life than that. But the cancer yeah. I just wish I didn’t have the bastarding bastard cancer.

@mowly77 that's so shit life's so shit but I hope you can enjoy the life that you've got

Epilepsy.
I used to try to live a normal life and do things by myself. I used to have a career and have changed job roles many times but sadly I always have a seizure at some point either at home or at work and it's not supposed to be a problem but it really is and I always lose my job in the end. So I now spend my life at home on benefits and my god its depressing the majority of the time.
I would love to work, earn money to provide a home for my children, drive so I can visit my family and do things more easily. But mainly I'd love to not be shit scared of having a seizure.

Money

A) A partner, my old job back, a decent income.

B) Low self-esteem, not getting out to meet people, being obese, a chronic illness, this shit government.

There are 2 things in my.life that have always been in my life that have stopped me.

Poverty - born in 79, through the 80s parents were unemployed, miner strikes, crisis after crisis. Etc. My.parents split up so I was raised by a single parent on the 'dole' as was. No money for extra curricular, barely enough for food.

The biggest problem though has been a lack of the advantages brought by Nepotism.
I didn't have contacts in companies or family members putting in good words for me etc.
I've seen the effects nepotism has, this above all else, sets people up for life.

Nah @mowly77 you should be able to shout it on any thread you like!! ❤️❤️

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I don't have good words to express that.

I might slink off the the 'poor old me I don't have enough bedrooms' area.

Living somewhere I don’t want to, for 9years. It was not the plan. But I have an H who won’t move. And I had no job or savings. Until today. And then he said he’d quit his job and look for one somewhere else 2 days ago. Rigggght, just as I start work again. Makes me think he’s trying to fuck up my life some more. Cynical or not?

Vicious circle between the barrier being money, my kids various issues and my various issues (between us physical health conditions, disabilities, mental health, eating disorders, neurodiversity etc.) which get in the way of changing the financial situation, but also need money to help with those problems (to go private for some assessments, surgeries and equipment and other things which would make more manageable).
They call it the poverty trap for a reason!

A) What is it you want for your life that you don't have?
My mobility
B) What do you think the reason is?
MS
On the plus side it's less shit than your state of affairs Mowly

An autistic child, there I've said it.

@DuesToTheDirt

exactly the same. I have a great husband and kids, great job, and I’m happy. I just want a parallel life of city living, single, travel, sleeping around, drinking at brunch on Sundays. I’d keep my career though! Love that either way.

@mowly77

I for one am glad you’ve come on here, and not staying in the cancer boards. Your post gave me the short sharp pull up I needed tonight as I have wallowed in the misery of a trivial misdemeanour all evening.
I’m grateful to you for sharing, and I wish you the very best.

ADHD

Chronic illness

Fertility problems - at the moment I don't know the extent

Have to say I am somewhat devastated at how the NHS managed to miss and stall and fuck around with almost all my varying health problems throughout and twenties and early thirties. What a waste.

On the grimly bright side it's probably going to end up too late for me to reproduce so then I won't have a child suffering from a shit life, so there's that.

As I've just said in another thread, it was the corporate world which I felt stifled my life. I spent a decade pretending I'd 'grown up' before realising I didn't actually want to sacrifice the things I liked and had only taken out my nose ring and stopped dying my hair because some old fart might disapprove of it.

Moved to construction sector and nobody bats an eye at my sleeves which I always had to cover in the office to remain 'professional'. Money is important to me but so is balance. Probs not such an issue for the average Jane but I hated having to make stupid chit chat and pretend to like people I didn't because they were a prospective client etc.

Chronic health issues -Basically this effects everything, can't have children as a result, totally stuck in my career as can only work part time and cope with things being set up in a very specific way, so also struggling to save enough to buy a house. Can't travel or exercise or do a lot of fun things I'd love to be doing. I really try and appreciate the little things in life more as a result but it is a challenge.

Same as this.

Confidence. I was raised to be afraid, to not explore or question anyone on case it 'rocks the boat' or causes conflict. So I married young because I was too afraid to try on my own & although DH is a reasonably ok guy, I discovered he was lazy & didn't want to move anywhere or do anything. So I'm stuck in hometown, which I hate, forever.

We have travelled a fair bit (my doing), but I feel completely suffocated & cried when I saw my younger cousin moving overseas, partying, being spontaneous and free - I realised I could have had that, which I badly wanted, if I'd not been indoctrinated with fear so I wouldn't move away or have success. I've since discovered DM lived that free life, travelling alone, partying etc. when young (& it was frowned upon) - so I'm incredibly resentful. My DB was raised to do all the fun stuff & take risks, because he's a male.

Now I've two young DC, a chronic health condition & horrible IL's who pull DH's apron strings now they're old & unwell.

I'm raising my DC - especially DD - to know they can go wherever & do whatever they want & am trying to take them to new places & be independent & self sufficient. I mourn daily for the life I wanted but was too frightened to pursue.

Disability
Not enough money
Small house, feel claustrophobic.
Majorly overweight