To ask you what stops you from living how you want to?

[billes]

Im mid thirties, no real career, no financial success, i am not living the life i so badly long for.

Which made me curious....

A) What is it you want for your life that you don't have?
B) What do you think the reason is?

I'm talking realistic dream life, nothing unattainable.

Oh, I'll add that one DC is autistic & DH does dick around the house so I can't even get a decent job/career because the childcare, life admin, ASD therapies, kids activities & school stuff, cooking, cleaning etc. is 100% on me.

My dream is that I'd stayed single & kept my awesome, well paying career, which I would have had to move to keep flourishing.

Chronic ill health. I've a tonne of physical health issues. I'm currently awake because I'm having an awful vertigo attack. I also have adhd and asd.

Becoming disabled & housebound, I see nobody but ds & my mum, not the life I want to live.

Having to work to earn money to live.
I hate work, I don't aspire to a career.
I wish I was one of those lucky people born with an income for life so I could just have a horse and spend all of my time riding and looking after it😐

Money.

And not wanting be away from my children. Had ds at 22, i’ve been a stay at home mum for 20 years since (i’ve had 2 more over that time, youngest 20 months). No career (only ever had dead end temp jobs before I had my first child, so I didn’t have any prospects), depending on my husband entirely. Precarious position and believe me, my 20 year old doesn’t appreciate any of it and is no better off than of he’d been in childcare since babyhood and I had worked or studied. But I still can’t leave my younger ones and I do love every moment. It’s mainly. just society/other women who make me feel like there is something wrong with me.

Also the hangover from being bullied thoughout school.

Severely disabled teenager who requires 2:1 support and specialist provision/activities but have no respite or outside support or access to anything suitable for his needs which means that our lives and his life is limited.

Money, but I sometimes wonder how much more confident and adventurous I’d actually be if money was no object.

Toxic insecurity. Makes progressing at work really stupidly complicated.

Depression at the moment.

Having a child.

Not wanting to hurt my bf. If I could, I'd have an open relationship and shag who I liked while still dating but I care about my partner so obviously I don't. That isn't really a bad thing...

Don't feel bad for saying how you feel

Finances
Confidence in myself
Circumstances (I'm a single parent)
Insecure housing
Lack of support

I already have an Honors degree and Masters, but I'm putting myself through further training at work and home. I'm determined at find a better paid job this year. I'm also going to apply for social housing, I didn't realise this was an option for people that can work 🤕.

Risk adversity. Tempted to go and live abroad but we have a nice life here and there is always a risk with the unknown.

Money and lack of childcare. The job I'd like to do is shift work, I'm a single parent and I've got no one who could look after DS if I'm working shifts so I can't do it until he's old enough to be on his own in the evenings. I have to stay in a low paid job with flexible hours for now.

A feeling of responsibility to other people really/bad timing. None of them are dependent children, but I know if I suddenly said "I'm off to live the life I dream about" I would be thought of badly and I couldn't cope with it.

Certain family commitments. My job means set holidays so no spur of the moment trips. When I retire in 4 yrs I will be 60. Then I will be able to travel more and do things I find awkward to do now.

For me it is three pronged. ADHD, being obese, and money.

Definitely money or lack of it. Plus at the moment I’m in a lot of pain so can’t make the most of this glorious weather or work as many hours as I usually do.

Depression and low self esteem in the past. It meant I left it very late to look for a partner - didnt think anyone would want me. What a waste of my teens, 20s and 30s.
There's a lot of unhappiness and suffering on this thread. to you all.

Have you addressed your core issues? Most of the above, apart from health, people need to take personal responsibility for their actions, recognise it and try and change it.

I have a career that pays well but I HATE it. I feel sick with anxiety in the shower each morning thinking about the working day ahead. I'm senior in my role and it isn't possible for me to change it without going in a completely different direction and a huge paycut.

The life I want is one where I don't work and I'm free to go to the allotment, cook and make a small income from my hobby which I love.

So I guess money.

We both work but we don't earn loads, and are over the threshold for any help at all.
Every month we're struggling financially and we don't do anything out the ordinary
Lots of the kids friends all seem to have exciting holidays and Hobbies and all our cash just goes on "living"
Wish we
Could break this cycle

So money

Autism leading to horrendous social anxiety.

In my case it's entirely down to my own lack of giving enough fucks, well at least at the moment anyway. I would love to blame it on a myriad of other reasons, especially DH, but essentially it boils down to me and the choices and decisions I make, as a fully grown adult.

It's been tough coming to terms with that.

Age.....
I still need to earn. I am in my 60s but too young to retire. And too old to work fulltime like I used to. I am utterly exhausted and my body aches, I'm only OK when I'm on a day off so it's definitely work. I can't do the things I used to do. There's a reason why women retired at 60, except now they've changed it to 66 (for me) so I have to work despite not having the energy and some niggling health issues (not serious enough for PIP). If I earned more I could have a much better life but I just can't work that much at this age, consequently I live from month to month....I shall be better off retired and just on the state pension!

What do I want? Financial security, contact with people, to have my home mended. An extra luxury would be to have two or three mini-breaks around the UK a year. I haven't had a holiday in about 12yrs now.
Why not? Extreme Cptsd, feeling that people will publically humiliate me if I step out of my (hidden) corner. No education & 3 decades unemployed. I am terrified as hell but trying my best to step out of it.

Unmedicated ADHD at present. I have a professional career, my current earning range full-time is £80-120k. But I always take lower earning jobs that are meant to be part time, then proceed to work full time because I can’t manage my time, then quit impulsively due to overwhelm and anxiety. You could say it’s a nice problem to have but it’s very frustrating as there’s no reason I should be in so much debt and stress. And I should have a nice lifestyle with 2 days a week “off”, working from home and kids in full time childcare but I end up working on those days. House is a tip and I never see my friends because I am bad at keeping in contact and get anxious when I do message and am asked to meet up. All my friends I see regularly are new friends I would see anyway (school mums, nursery mums- basically friends by convenience) but I miss my old friends so much.

But I have potential and am otherwise healthy - the perks of ADHD for me is unfounded optimism that my dream life will happen soon even though past experiences should tell me that my brain will self sabotage every future opportunity and venture.