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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To basically demand super-flexible working hours

482 replies

Flatbrokefornow · 25/04/2022 22:52

I am very privileged in that I don’t have to work to pay the bills (although only just, and not for much longer at the rate things are increasing!), but less privileged in that I’m widowed with no family close by. I’m completely on my own.

Now my DD is in secondary school, I’d like to think about going back to work, to fund a few treats and get my pension and DD’s education fund back on track, and also for my own fulfilment.

BUT, I won’t consider working school holidays. I know people do, and all power to them, but it won’t work for us, yet. (My DD has been diagnosed with anxiety, is being assessed for ADHD and has also lost her father. She’s got enough to cope with) We’ve tried holiday clubs in the past, and the effects on her anxiety are just not worth it for our family. She’s just 11, and while she (probably) won’t set fire to the house, and I’m happy to leave her for short periods occasionally, I can’t really just expect her to stay home alone all day everyday. There really isn’t anyone I can ask. Lone parenting makes forming friendships difficult, I’m an only child and my parents live abroad. I have lovely neighbours, who will do the odd favour, but that’s not exactly a solid plan going forward.

is it a non starter? I was thinking of retraining, but given the restrictions I can work, I’m not sure it’s worth bothering. Who’s going to want to employ me? Especially if any of the interview panel are blokes who never even think about childcare (and it’s common, let’s face it) and just think I’m either coddling her, or a spoilt princess that wants holidays off. I have considered working in a school, but in all honestly I don’t think I could spend all day managing children’s behaviour and then come home and manage DD (who can be very rigid and oppositional) with the level of patience I’d need and enough energy to hold boundaries with her. I don’t think that would be fair on her, or sustainable for me.

I’m currently looking at careers with flex time, working from home, or short term/part time contracts. I wouldn’t mind buying extra leave, or taking a pay cut, but my family will come first and I would leave a position which didn’t allow or follow through on me not working school holidays (in the main. The odd day will probably be doable) without hesitation. Is this even possible? How can I phrase it so that my boundaries are clear, but not sound entitled? How can I reassure an employer that I’ll do my damndest for them in my working hours, but that’s all of the time they are buying from me, and it’s not about money for me. Are my only options very casual, or leaving a job every July?

OP posts:
changedandcantchangeback · 26/04/2022 10:18

Practically every Civil Service job is as flexible as you require.

Over the last 25 years I have raised 3 kids whilst working for the Gov.

From Part time /term time only/full time /reduced hours.. every request has been easily accommodated. I currently work full time compressed hours and no longer work Fridays whilst earning a full wage.

Lots of recruitment at the moment. Especially DWP/Home Office and HMRC...

www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi

changedandcantchangeback · 26/04/2022 10:20

Sorry folks. Posting glitch. Tells me my post unable to save..

Original poster
Flatbrokefornow · 26/04/2022 10:24

CaptainCaveMum · 26/04/2022 09:11

@Flatbrokefornow wow you’ve made a lot of people angry 😡 🤣

it’s a fair question but I think you are unlikely to find a job that fits neatly into your lifestyle. However, given you don’t need much income, you might want to consider freelance contract work. You can then pick and choose which contracts you take up. Lots of options, especially if you can afford to retrain. It can be precarious financially but doesn’t sound like that would be an issue for you. Good luck.

I’d expected it would put people’s backs up. There seems to be no way for many people to appreciate it’s not a preference or a lifestyle choice. It’s my primary responsibility and I can’t resource it any other way. I would love for things to be different. I really would. I’m not some kid who wants the summer off to hang out on the beach. I’m supporting a bereaved child.

I’m obviously not going to walk in and be petulant about it. But it’s only fair to be clear upfront that I’m only able (not willing. Able) to consider term time working. And that’s not negotiable. And what else do you call a dealbreaker? If an employee says ‘we’ll do our best to accommodate parental leave in school holidays’ and when it comes to August, that request unfortunately can’t be accommodated, my response will be, as un-dramatically as I can, to resign. That’s unreasonable! It’s only fair to be upfront about it, surely? It would be much worse to pretend I can provide a paid service I know I can’t deliver. I know lots of people want school holidays off. I know it will be seen as preferential treatment by colleagues, and I’d happily swap - would they?

An employer can have my heart and soul. But only when my daughter doesn’t need it.

OP posts:
TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:25

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:25

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:25

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:26

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:27

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 26/04/2022 10:29

There are definitely ways of doing it, but you can't just 'demand' super flexible working hours and tbh with that mentality you wouldn't last five minutes in a school. I'm not unsympathetic but have actually just left a term-time only school job due to the lack of flexibility and the expectation that every aspect of family life could be outsourced in favour of going the extra mile at work.

If it's not urgent for you to get a job immediately, why not look at some options for retraining in a field that would allow you to be self-employed, or just keep looking for hybrid/WFH roles.

TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:29

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

TheLizardQueen · 26/04/2022 10:29

Civil Service jobs offer term time contracts and are also very flexible with days/hours. I have always been part time / term time.

Irishfarmer · 26/04/2022 10:32

A few ppl have mentioned civil service jobs. I worked in a dept for a summer at uni, they took on 8 temps to cover FT staff who took summers off, for the exact reasons you are stating. Great work for me, and the FT staff got the whole summer off.

I think tell your perspective employer your situation and see what they say.

Irishfarmer · 26/04/2022 10:32

A few ppl have mentioned civil service jobs. I worked in a dept for a summer at uni, they took on 8 temps to cover FT staff who took summers off, for the exact reasons you are stating. Great work for me, and the FT staff got the whole summer off.

I think tell your perspective employer your situation and see what they say.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 26/04/2022 10:35

Working in schools in gruelling tbh, even in a support/office role. There is often very high expectation of giving extra time for free and the philosophy that everything to do with the home can just be outsourced at the drop of a hat.

I took a sabbatical and ultimately had to leave my school job as I am an only child with elderly parents (now one elderly parent) and I was unable to provide the support they need as taking time off for appointments etc was either impossible or required jumping through numerous hoops and hoping I'd be given permission at the last minute.

When my dad was dying, their answer to me struggling to juggle work commitments was 'just get more carers in'.

So if flexibility is what you need and you're not in a desperate rush to get work, I'd keep doing what you're doing, or look at retraining into something you can do on a freelance basis from home.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 26/04/2022 10:36

Working in schools is gruelling tbh, even in a support/office role. There is often very high expectation of giving extra time for free and the philosophy that everything to do with the home can just be outsourced at the drop of a hat.

I took a sabbatical and ultimately had to leave my school job as I am an only child with elderly parents (now one elderly parent) and I was unable to provide the support they need as taking time off for appointments etc was either impossible or required jumping through numerous hoops and hoping I'd be given permission at the last minute.

When my dad was dying, their answer to me struggling to juggle work commitments was 'just get more carers in'.

So if flexibility is what you need and you're not in a desperate rush to get work, I'd keep doing what you're doing, or look at retraining into something you can do on a freelance basis from home.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 26/04/2022 10:36

Apologies - I keep getting server playing up message and reposting!

Femalewoman · 26/04/2022 10:37

A job in a school. They seem to offer lots of flexibility, sick pay etc

Triffid1 · 26/04/2022 10:38

Many good ideas here but I'd be leaning towards freelance/contracting roles myself. I employ a number of freelancers who simply tell me they're not available at certain times. No problem. Obviously, depends massively on what work you want to do/can do.

Eg, if you signed up as a temp via an agency to do general PA/Reception/Data capture work, it's easy enough to simply take yourself off their books during holidays. This would be true across many different types of work.

needmorethanthis · 26/04/2022 10:44

Why don’t you retrain (as you don’t need money) to do something that 1) gives you an hourly rate 2) allows you to work anywhere 3) have the summer off or work a few hours each day.

Ideas are chiropodist/podiatrist. Counsellor/therapist/child psychologist. Hairdresser. Aesthetician (think that’s what it’s called) you inject people with Botox. They earn a fortune. Physiotherapist. Massage therapist.

Start studying now part time or do an access to university course. How far away is your nearest Uni?

LegMeChicken · 26/04/2022 10:48

@changedandcantchangeback @Irishfarmer
What were your specific roles?
I know a lot of people who don’t get such flexibility, but their jobs are highly skilled and can’t be done by temps.

Regularsizedrudy · 26/04/2022 10:49

What a long winded way to say you want a term time only job :s

Regularsizedrudy · 26/04/2022 10:49

What a long winded way to say you want a term time only job :s

LegMeChicken · 26/04/2022 10:54

@changedandcantchangeback it’s impossible for every role to be as flexible. I know people working in CS and have been offered jobs myself that aren’t like that.
Said jobs are however highly skilled, or very reliant on the person’s contacts. I’d imagine your averagw ‘admin’ role with the DWP, DVSA or similar would be more fungible. Especially if it’s difficult to retain staff, summers off would be very attractive.
What roles did you have?

LegMeChicken · 26/04/2022 10:54

??? Why are postes disappearing only to reappear??

puffalo · 26/04/2022 10:55

In your situation, I’d probably opt for a part time role and then just work 2/3 days every week over the summer, or more shifts but shorter shifts.

You say you don’t “need” to work so I’m imagining that you don’t necessarily mind having less pay, so why not work in retail or similar on a P/T contract?

I work in retail management but a lot of the customer advisors I work with only work two days a week (because of uni and school), or the ones with young kinds work a few days a week but only 4h shifts so they can do school pick ups and drop offs. Leaving her for 4h a day wouldn’t be too bad?

A job in a school definitely sounds better for you but in the case that you can’t find one, that could be an option, at least in the mean time?