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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To basically demand super-flexible working hours

482 replies

Flatbrokefornow · 25/04/2022 22:52

I am very privileged in that I don’t have to work to pay the bills (although only just, and not for much longer at the rate things are increasing!), but less privileged in that I’m widowed with no family close by. I’m completely on my own.

Now my DD is in secondary school, I’d like to think about going back to work, to fund a few treats and get my pension and DD’s education fund back on track, and also for my own fulfilment.

BUT, I won’t consider working school holidays. I know people do, and all power to them, but it won’t work for us, yet. (My DD has been diagnosed with anxiety, is being assessed for ADHD and has also lost her father. She’s got enough to cope with) We’ve tried holiday clubs in the past, and the effects on her anxiety are just not worth it for our family. She’s just 11, and while she (probably) won’t set fire to the house, and I’m happy to leave her for short periods occasionally, I can’t really just expect her to stay home alone all day everyday. There really isn’t anyone I can ask. Lone parenting makes forming friendships difficult, I’m an only child and my parents live abroad. I have lovely neighbours, who will do the odd favour, but that’s not exactly a solid plan going forward.

is it a non starter? I was thinking of retraining, but given the restrictions I can work, I’m not sure it’s worth bothering. Who’s going to want to employ me? Especially if any of the interview panel are blokes who never even think about childcare (and it’s common, let’s face it) and just think I’m either coddling her, or a spoilt princess that wants holidays off. I have considered working in a school, but in all honestly I don’t think I could spend all day managing children’s behaviour and then come home and manage DD (who can be very rigid and oppositional) with the level of patience I’d need and enough energy to hold boundaries with her. I don’t think that would be fair on her, or sustainable for me.

I’m currently looking at careers with flex time, working from home, or short term/part time contracts. I wouldn’t mind buying extra leave, or taking a pay cut, but my family will come first and I would leave a position which didn’t allow or follow through on me not working school holidays (in the main. The odd day will probably be doable) without hesitation. Is this even possible? How can I phrase it so that my boundaries are clear, but not sound entitled? How can I reassure an employer that I’ll do my damndest for them in my working hours, but that’s all of the time they are buying from me, and it’s not about money for me. Are my only options very casual, or leaving a job every July?

OP posts:
OutlookStalking · 28/04/2022 06:56

Lovesgreen . That's interesting. I'm looking to change career path but all the jobs seem to want experience in their field first. I'd love a job with training!

Sumlove · 28/04/2022 07:28

Civil service and public sector would be your best bet. Local government, schools etc. Term time and annualised hours are more common in those sectors. Hope you find something, good luck x

BethAfra · 28/04/2022 07:54

I would seriously consider something freelance. You are not entitled or over privileged at all: I have nothing but admiration for your decision re not working during school holidays. I don't think it's impossible or ridiculous, just not mainstream.
FWIW I made a similar decision when DCs were young (not bereaved, ex just left the country). I had no luck finding a job that would fit but I did manage to work freelance and that has now turned into a business.
Don't give up looking - our first employee is a mother in your situation on a zero hours contract. Each time we give her work we discuss her availability, timeframes etc. It suits us both because we didn't have enough work to employ a full timer, or even commit to regular part time, and she gets the flexibility she needs.

cherish123 · 28/04/2022 08:10

Public sector may have term-time working. What about a job that allows you to work from home.

Iknowitisheresomewhere · 28/04/2022 08:17

What do you want/need to earn and what realistically should you earn for your skills per hour? If you only wanted the minimum wage or thereabouts you could build up a portfolio of fortnightly cleaning jobs that you could probably flex around school holidays. However that would seem to be selling yourself short.

I know you have a red line around holidays, but your daughter is soon likely to want to spend some time without you, whether that is just ‘chilling’ in her room or being out with friends. Rather than saying ‘absolutely no work in holidays’ if you could commit to working say half a day a week in the holidays it might make a big difference.
I think what would suit you is a small company looking to grow that only needs your skills on a part time basis.
something like this:
dolon.com/join-us/rare-talent
it is in healthcare (no idea what your specific skills are) and only one of the jobs specifically says full time, so I presume the others may not be.

Mulberry974 · 28/04/2022 08:25

Motnight · 25/04/2022 22:57

University?

The majority of University jobs are all year round and work through school holidays. Only academics and small numbers of term time jobs.

doggiescats · 28/04/2022 08:47

HNRTFT .What are your skills/ qualifications? How much do you need to earn ?
Join a hospital bank and see what jobs they can offer.

Buttonjugs · 28/04/2022 12:30

I have a son who is adult but needs me there all the time due to ASD and other issues. I used to make a living ironing for people but then I began to have back problems so had to give that up. I applied for UC and started a small home business selling online. Could you do this?

catflycat · 28/04/2022 14:03

I used to work for a large engineering company and we had people doing term time only, also an option in the civil service. I used to go 3 days a week, which is more common but almost went down to 2 days a week.. anything is possible if it suits the job - look for civil service or bigger companies offering flexible working, hours around family life etc. in their job ads or ask around in your local groups for employers who support this. Definitely a thing!

HiJenny35 · 28/04/2022 16:58

Have you considered being a science technician in a secondary school? Most large secondary schools have them, you'd need to be pro-actively actually email the local schools and ask if they had need for one but the role often comes up, it's not usually pupil contact you basically get all the chemicals out ready for the various classes etc. It's not big money probably about £16,000 but it's school hours and term time only. Sounds like you'd be a good fit.

brookstar · 29/04/2022 12:24

Only academics and small numbers of term time jobs.

Academics don't work term time only!!!!

Zazdar · 29/04/2022 17:21

Academics don't work term time only!!!!

I only wish it was true! 22 weeks holiday a year would suit me.

Onebabygirl · 29/04/2022 18:07

Hi OP. Sorry for your loss, I don’t think you sound entitled at all. I work for a well known high street store in their food hall and they offer loads of flexible daytime shifts which could easily fit within the 8am-4pm window when DD is at school. They also employ lots of university students on a part time basis who only work when they come home for the holidays, so maybe something like that could work both ways? You work term time when it suits, then when they have extra staff during the holidays you take the time off as unpaid leave. I’ve also found that although I have contracted hours each week there are always extra shifts going, so you could make up your money by doing extra days here and there to cover you for the weeks unpaid. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

brookstar · 29/04/2022 18:25

Zazdar · 29/04/2022 17:21

Academics don't work term time only!!!!

I only wish it was true! 22 weeks holiday a year would suit me.

It would be amazing wouldn't it??
Alas, the reality is that we all generally work our A/L

GetThatHelmetOn · 30/04/2022 06:25

Zazdar · 29/04/2022 17:21

Academics don't work term time only!!!!

I only wish it was true! 22 weeks holiday a year would suit me.

I wonder also whether part time academic work exist. You may work a short week but still have enough workload to fill the week.

doingitforyorkshire · 30/04/2022 06:35

To all those who are suggesting self-employment - talking from experience, you can not sustain a business with that amount of time off. Especially in the first few years, you get less time off than being employed! This is quite a massive misconception, after 12 years of being self-employed, I have had more time to myself having gone back to work full-time (and working anti-social shifts!). Self-employment is more draining and time-consuming than people think it is.

GetThatHelmetOn · 30/04/2022 06:48

I have found out that being self employed takes far more hours (and unsociable hours) than being full time. You simply can’t turn off the computer and forget about things at the end of the day because all the responsibility, reputation and success of the business is solely on your shoulders. You also end up working per project/product rather than hour so unless you are very successful you end up working far more hours for less pay.

I do think however that a teenager do not need a parent to work part time. For starters, they like to have some time on their own in their rooms between school and dinner. You can work full time and they would not even notice the difference.

I moved roles to allow myself to be home at 4 so we arrived back at the same time… I can assure you, I could have arrived home at 6 and still struggle to get him out of his room to feed him. He was on the phone/Xbox with his friends all that time, whether I was at home early or not.

ParisNoir · 30/04/2022 06:58

doingitforyorkshire · 30/04/2022 06:35

To all those who are suggesting self-employment - talking from experience, you can not sustain a business with that amount of time off. Especially in the first few years, you get less time off than being employed! This is quite a massive misconception, after 12 years of being self-employed, I have had more time to myself having gone back to work full-time (and working anti-social shifts!). Self-employment is more draining and time-consuming than people think it is.

Well said. As someone who started their own business its absolutely laughable to suggest I had MORE time to myself. I have less time than when I was employed by someone else! Sure, its possible that if your business becomes super successful you then get to dictate your hours but that takes time and work and years of hard work to begin with to get to that level of success. Self employment is great and there are many benefits but the idea you can start off with doing a few hours here and there when you feel like it is ludicrous and not a realistic view of what its like at all.

Vikinga · 30/04/2022 11:50

ParisNoir · 30/04/2022 06:58

Well said. As someone who started their own business its absolutely laughable to suggest I had MORE time to myself. I have less time than when I was employed by someone else! Sure, its possible that if your business becomes super successful you then get to dictate your hours but that takes time and work and years of hard work to begin with to get to that level of success. Self employment is great and there are many benefits but the idea you can start off with doing a few hours here and there when you feel like it is ludicrous and not a realistic view of what its like at all.

Show quote history

But op will be able to work from home and be with her daughter.

I'm self employed so I can do school runs and be around my kids during the holidays. However I still work whilst they're there and often work when they've finished dinner etc. In the holidays I often get 5 hours work in before my kids are even awake.

Op's child is 11 not a toddler so will be doing her own thing.

speakout · 30/04/2022 16:05

Depends on the type of self employment.
I certainly work harder and more hours as self employed, but the flexibility is huge.
And some self employed work means you can stop working for a period of time.
I take a month off aroud christmas, and can stop/ start having breaks throughout the year.
Of course I don;t get paid for the time I am not working, but I factor that in to my yearly earnings- I work hard when I can and save, so I have money when I take time off.

Sortilege · 30/04/2022 21:57

doingitforyorkshire · 30/04/2022 06:35

To all those who are suggesting self-employment - talking from experience, you can not sustain a business with that amount of time off. Especially in the first few years, you get less time off than being employed! This is quite a massive misconception, after 12 years of being self-employed, I have had more time to myself having gone back to work full-time (and working anti-social shifts!). Self-employment is more draining and time-consuming than people think it is.

Depends what the sector/business is.

Some self employment is entirely self directed, some is basically contract work, some has to be done on location, some can be done from home. Small businesses often start very small and build up, but for other types of work you can hit the ground running. Self employment can mean so many things.

ParisNoir · 01/05/2022 07:00

Vikinga · 30/04/2022 11:50

But op will be able to work from home and be with her daughter.

I'm self employed so I can do school runs and be around my kids during the holidays. However I still work whilst they're there and often work when they've finished dinner etc. In the holidays I often get 5 hours work in before my kids are even awake.

Op's child is 11 not a toddler so will be doing her own thing.

Show quote history

Your're right its more flexible day to day but the OP wont work non term time. I dont have much hope for any business that you set up and then just ignore for 6 weeks during the school holidays and every half term and easter and christmas and spring....... Thats my point- being self employed usually involves sustained and continuous effort. You cannot just drop it whenever you feel like it because the kids arent at school.

speakout · 01/05/2022 07:11

Totally agree it depends on the sector.
I could easily take a long summer break and only work term time. I don't have clients, most of my business is not repeat, things can be put on freeze for weeks on end, with only a few day's notice. I would simply have to check for emails and queries, no more than 30 minutes a day.
It's wrong to say that being self employed always means few holidays- in some sectors yeas that may be true, but not all.

Classicblunder · 01/05/2022 07:16

It really depends on what kind of self employment - e.g. if you are a massage therapist on Urban Massage, you absolutely can just drop it during school holidays. Or if you drive an Uber. Or even if you are a personal trainer - mine mostly has clients with school age children as she does and so doesn't work most of the holidays. Or if you sign up to taskrabbit

Lois345 · 01/05/2022 21:35

@brookstar Thank you! The comments on academic jobs being term time only is infuriating and so ill-informed. The vast majority of academics works full time plus evenings and weekends (no not every evening and every weekend, but many evenings and many weekends). The myth of academia as a place for leisurely jobs drives me crazy (sorry for rant)

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