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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To basically demand super-flexible working hours

482 replies

Flatbrokefornow · 25/04/2022 22:52

I am very privileged in that I don’t have to work to pay the bills (although only just, and not for much longer at the rate things are increasing!), but less privileged in that I’m widowed with no family close by. I’m completely on my own.

Now my DD is in secondary school, I’d like to think about going back to work, to fund a few treats and get my pension and DD’s education fund back on track, and also for my own fulfilment.

BUT, I won’t consider working school holidays. I know people do, and all power to them, but it won’t work for us, yet. (My DD has been diagnosed with anxiety, is being assessed for ADHD and has also lost her father. She’s got enough to cope with) We’ve tried holiday clubs in the past, and the effects on her anxiety are just not worth it for our family. She’s just 11, and while she (probably) won’t set fire to the house, and I’m happy to leave her for short periods occasionally, I can’t really just expect her to stay home alone all day everyday. There really isn’t anyone I can ask. Lone parenting makes forming friendships difficult, I’m an only child and my parents live abroad. I have lovely neighbours, who will do the odd favour, but that’s not exactly a solid plan going forward.

is it a non starter? I was thinking of retraining, but given the restrictions I can work, I’m not sure it’s worth bothering. Who’s going to want to employ me? Especially if any of the interview panel are blokes who never even think about childcare (and it’s common, let’s face it) and just think I’m either coddling her, or a spoilt princess that wants holidays off. I have considered working in a school, but in all honestly I don’t think I could spend all day managing children’s behaviour and then come home and manage DD (who can be very rigid and oppositional) with the level of patience I’d need and enough energy to hold boundaries with her. I don’t think that would be fair on her, or sustainable for me.

I’m currently looking at careers with flex time, working from home, or short term/part time contracts. I wouldn’t mind buying extra leave, or taking a pay cut, but my family will come first and I would leave a position which didn’t allow or follow through on me not working school holidays (in the main. The odd day will probably be doable) without hesitation. Is this even possible? How can I phrase it so that my boundaries are clear, but not sound entitled? How can I reassure an employer that I’ll do my damndest for them in my working hours, but that’s all of the time they are buying from me, and it’s not about money for me. Are my only options very casual, or leaving a job every July?

OP posts:
EL8888 · 26/04/2022 00:22

I guess it depends on if the role actually lends itself to that? Or are your team mates going to have to bail you out all the time, July is a v.popular time to have off unless you work in a school. I was in this situation a while back with colleagues and it got old really quickly, it was part of the reason that l left. Also are your skills in demand? Employers are often more flexible if you’re giving them something they really want and need

FragileConsequence · 26/04/2022 00:41

If you’ve got a science degree, pharma agencies are crying out for medical writers so you could prob speak to a recruiter who might be able To arrange this

Spaghetti0 · 26/04/2022 00:56

why say it doesn’t exist?
I work in a company that has ‘unlimited holiday’ - which doesn’t mean you go nuts and take the whole year off as then they’d wonder if you have enough work to justify a job - but it does mean lots of flexibility.
I work hard in term time
take loads of time off for holidays
I work from home and can flex my hours

of course it does exist
the best companies have this culture

Spaghetti0 · 26/04/2022 00:57

argh
that was directed at @kitcat15

OutlookStalking · 26/04/2022 01:18

Spagetti is that programming? I vaguely remember a thread like that before ad I'd never heard of unlimmited holiday before!

I think whats tricky is the need to requalify (if thatd the case) as many jobs with lots of flexibility seem to be professional - ie trained accountant/experienced programmer.

Otherwise for now bank staff at hospital would give you holidays but not school hours...

You could try temping agency and look for short contracts/make it clear you can't do sunmer holiday from the start. But again there's likely yo be a problem combining this with shorter hours.

This has been my problem partly over the years.

Aria2015 · 26/04/2022 02:02

What about a part-time job just working mornings? Could that work? Then your dd would only be alone for half a day max and you'd just have to use all your annual leave during school holidays? Could work, especially if it was a WFH job or the option the WFH...

InTheNightWeWillWish · 26/04/2022 02:34

If you’re looking at retraining, I would go with something like HR or finance. Schools will have openings for these positions which are term time only but you could easily slot into most public sector jobs with a term time contract in these areas. These jobs usually have a team of people (outside of schools) so you working term time only wouldn’t negatively impact the team as there would be other people. When your DD is older, there will also then be scope to change your hours again if that’s what you were looking for. My old head of dept (not public sector) worked full time during term time and then did part time hours during school hours, I think she worked 2 days a week during school holidays but those were half days worked from home.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/04/2022 02:55

yup, be sure to include a statement of your demands in your letter of application; bound to provide the shortlisting panel with a laugh.😂

LegMeChicken · 26/04/2022 02:56

There are lots of options but your entire post sounds entitled. ‘Other people work term time’… etc.
as much as I despise the term you’re really only working for pin money, aren’t you?

LegMeChicken · 26/04/2022 02:57

Also as PP said it’s no use suggesting stuff without knowing your background.

Hollaho · 26/04/2022 03:00

Motnight · 25/04/2022 22:57

University?

Info love the assumption that there’s no work in universities over the summer… we’re just as busy in July, as we are in October.

There are a very few term time only jobs in universities (the 4 I’ve worked in); but it’s university terms, not school terms.

Hollaho · 26/04/2022 03:07

I should say that I have one member of my team who works term time only, to support an activity which only runs August - May. It is poorly paid, though. You haven’t said where your skill set lies.

I think the way you approach it needs to change though. I do understand your limitations, but demanding will just put peoples backs up. If you are honest that you have caring responsibilities, then i (if I were recruiting) would be considerably more sympathetic.

HoppingPavlova · 26/04/2022 03:09

I think your only options are self-employed freelancing; temp work through an agency making availability clear (and in very different language to that you have used here); and a position at a school that doesn’t work in holiday time, as some positions work through many of the breaks.

Nat6999 · 26/04/2022 03:24

The Civil Service is your best bet, I worked p/t flexi term time only & had an allocation of days for caring as well as annual leave. I had a child at primarys school & a disabled husband who needed care.

Maybebabyno2 · 26/04/2022 03:39

If it were me and I just wanted something to do in the day, I would sign up with an agency and just work short term contracts in term time. You could do all sorts of random stuff. It wouldn't get boring.

milkyaqua · 26/04/2022 03:42

How can I phrase it so that my boundaries are clear, but not sound entitled? How can I reassure an employer that I’ll do my damndest for them in my working hours, but that’s all of the time they are buying from me, and it’s not about money for me. Are my only options very casual, or leaving a job every July?

Apply for jobs that fit your parameters?

You seem to be in a fantasy/romcom world where you march in and defiantly state your terms and get appointed CEO.

You may need to lower your expectations. Work as a cleaner, eg.

Pickabearanybear · 26/04/2022 03:46

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Butfirstcoffees · 26/04/2022 03:52

Agency work sounds like the best option. You pick and choose what work you do. I work for a supwe flexible employer. But they wouldn't be prepared for you to have every school holiday. One reason is that they are busy for us, but also other staff want time off as well.

To 'basically demand' term time off, or anything when it's not something the company offer, will find you with very little job offers.

glittereyelash · 26/04/2022 04:06

Trying signing up to an agency for relief work. It's not always consistent but at least you can pick your own hours

AzazaelsFury · 26/04/2022 04:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable to find a job that suits what you're after and not bend on your criteria but it would be unreasonable to apply for any old job and demand they'll do it your way.
I needed a job I could do from home if I wanted to be consistently able to work between kids and my health issues so I found one. Means on a bad day I can still work as I don't need to go anywhere and when the kids are on holidays I'm present with them... The right job is out there just have to find it and don't apply for jobs where the criteria doesn't match and then expect it to change. Have seen complaints about this before where people go for full time positions and either at the interview or after they start say they actually only want to work 3 or 4 days just find something that matches what you want.

Penguinsaregreat · 26/04/2022 05:41

If you don't want to work in a school then you are going to struggle.
Other people would like to take school holidays as annual leave so if I were employing you , you would have to fit in with the existing staff.
Self employment might work although it depends on the job.

Cervinia · 26/04/2022 05:45

How many civil service employees were recruited on term time only though? Or was it like my company where you’ve been here for years then manage to negotiate it after having children based on your reputation and length of service and being in a role that can facilitate it?

i suspect the latter.

the OP hasn’t given any idea of her previous work experience, qualifications or training so it’s difficult to give valuable advice.

felulageller · 26/04/2022 05:48

Once you have been in a post for a year you have a statutory right to unpaid parental leave. You can use this for holidays.

Public sector would be your best bet.

Could you WFH over the holidays as that opens up more possibilities.

YeahNahWhal · 26/04/2022 05:52

Short term contingent labour/contracting with government departments (in Australia) is how I managed caring for a traumatized child while keeping my employment record going.

I was clear with my agency that I was available 21hrs per week on fixed days and had to leave the office at a certain time of day.

Fortunately, my line of work is in high demand, so I was happily accommodated by a human services team, who understood trauma and caring for children who have experienced it. I had job share partners here and there, depending on what the hiring team needed at the time.

I was also flexible about picking up emails and deadlines from home, when necessary. Give and take works best, in my experience.

sewinginmyfreetime · 26/04/2022 05:58

If you feel you could do it, care work through an agency or bank work through the NHS could suit you as you would only do the shifts you wanted to. I will warn you that the work is exhausting and intense, but it is the most rewarding and fulfilling job I have ever had and I now wouldn’t consider a job doing anything else (I work with adults in a residential setting, there are lots of different settings/ages that you could work with though).