To basically demand super-flexible working hours

[Flatbrokefornow]

I am very privileged in that I don’t have to work to pay the bills (although only just, and not for much longer at the rate things are increasing!), but less privileged in that I’m widowed with no family close by. I’m completely on my own.

Now my DD is in secondary school, I’d like to think about going back to work, to fund a few treats and get my pension and DD’s education fund back on track, and also for my own fulfilment.

BUT, I won’t consider working school holidays. I know people do, and all power to them, but it won’t work for us, yet. (My DD has been diagnosed with anxiety, is being assessed for ADHD and has also lost her father. She’s got enough to cope with) We’ve tried holiday clubs in the past, and the effects on her anxiety are just not worth it for our family. She’s just 11, and while she (probably) won’t set fire to the house, and I’m happy to leave her for short periods occasionally, I can’t really just expect her to stay home alone all day everyday. There really isn’t anyone I can ask. Lone parenting makes forming friendships difficult, I’m an only child and my parents live abroad. I have lovely neighbours, who will do the odd favour, but that’s not exactly a solid plan going forward.

is it a non starter? I was thinking of retraining, but given the restrictions I can work, I’m not sure it’s worth bothering. Who’s going to want to employ me? Especially if any of the interview panel are blokes who never even think about childcare (and it’s common, let’s face it) and just think I’m either coddling her, or a spoilt princess that wants holidays off. I have considered working in a school, but in all honestly I don’t think I could spend all day managing children’s behaviour and then come home and manage DD (who can be very rigid and oppositional) with the level of patience I’d need and enough energy to hold boundaries with her. I don’t think that would be fair on her, or sustainable for me.

I’m currently looking at careers with flex time, working from home, or short term/part time contracts. I wouldn’t mind buying extra leave, or taking a pay cut, but my family will come first and I would leave a position which didn’t allow or follow through on me not working school holidays (in the main. The odd day will probably be doable) without hesitation. Is this even possible? How can I phrase it so that my boundaries are clear, but not sound entitled? How can I reassure an employer that I’ll do my damndest for them in my working hours, but that’s all of the time they are buying from me, and it’s not about money for me. Are my only options very casual, or leaving a job every July?

No! I worked in professional services in a University for nearly 10 years. Had a huge amount of flexibility and was alongside colleagues who were term time only, full time, part time.

They should all go half days all year round, take ‘em out for a week whenever you like. Life would be so much easier for working parents!

I am not sure it would. Definitely wouldn't be for me or anyone I know. Paying child care for half a day, everyday wouldn't help most people who work full time.

I think you have a very narrow view of what life should be like. You want the world to suit you, but forgetting that your circumstances are not everybody else's. What suits you wouldn't suit everyone else. And no matter how much we want the world to work for just our circumstances, it doesn't.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. But you aren't the only single parent with a child that has more complex needs. We make it work. You can make it work too.

You just have to be selective about who you work for and what you train in. You need ro do lots of research.

I’m a widow and my situation is very similar to yours in that I will not just leave the children willy nilly because of the loss that they have suffered. To the poster who said you sound entitled ignore they obvs have never had a bereaved child to care for.

I am absolutely unapologetic that I am a widow or that I now have a childcare issue. When I was widowed I went into my existing employer and bashfully told them what I could work. I laugh looking back because I was a real cheeky arse and realistically they would have been cold to say no.

Tow years after my husband died I had to get a new job because of redundancy. Again I was honest and unapologitic that I would have to leave the office at a certain time as I would need to get back for once the childcare ended. My office if 1.5 hours away: I also stated the number of times I’d be willing to come into the office per week. I do work summer holidays but my children are at home whilst I do. They are 11 and 13 so are capable of entertaining themselves whilst I work. my employer knows this. They also allow me to pop out and pick youngest up from school then carry on working when I’m back.

a lot of jobs now are hybrid so it will give you that opportunity to work. You can negotiate perhaps working but not going into the office during the summer holidays.

Apply for all jobs that are hybrid if you can and just be very honest at interview. My boss said it was one of the things that got me the job my honesty and my approach to situation. You make be a widow but that shouldn’t be that you can’t work, you are still you and have aspirations.

My organisation employers coders on a term time basis, if that’s helpful.

My god she is not capable of being in one and it’s not a lifestyle choice. She’s a bereaved child.... I assume that you are very lucky not to have to have to look after one. Yes she can go to school. But the anxiety of being away from the home and the remaining parent longer than a standard school day is too much. Everything is extra tiring for a bereaved child so being in after school club until 5pm is too much . I could go on but to say this is a lifestyle choice is really a prissy thing to say- you really have underestimated the impact of loosing a parent young.

She’s not a single parent she’s a solo parent. That may be the case with you too but the differentiation is important. A lot of single parents won’t have the bereavement aspect to deal with (perhaps a loss of a different kind i admit).

And I’m genuinely grateful. It is true that last month I was I horribly broke, and was offered an opportunity that I thought was illegal, but not immoral. I turned out to be wrong, so I did take it, and now I am breaking even. I have very part time employed and self employed roles, and my late husband’s pension, but both roles are due to cease. So I am considering a more conventional job (mine is currently for a family member who lives abroad). The previous thread was about the moral and legal implications of the opportunity, and had it come up I would still have said I was privileged to make most of the money I need by working so casually. I had meant to make the point that the Ill gotten gains (as I thought they were!) were not for luxuries. The difference, if anyone is interested, is about £70. Last month I was £50 short and I really did skip meals and showers to and eke It out. This month I expect to have £20 spare. Privileged as in ‘enough’ (just) to be (mostly) at home, not as in ‘a lot’. In the past, I have had more, but just now I am only just staying afloat. And while that’s infinitely better than sinking, it’s time for change. Hence, the job questions.

I apologise if anyone feels deceived, it was not my intention. I really appreciate the time people have taken to give advice, and as a pretty isolated adult, I very, very much value the interaction here.

Public sector comes up again and again as flexible. DVLA are months behind, so are Passport Agency. Why would that be other than the employees are having a good old skive 'wfh'. Rees Mogg is correct. Go back to the office and stop using wfh as a no cost form of childcare.

Government cutting the number of staff has a lot to do with it. Removing every single covid restriction won’t have helped either, no doubt there are plenty of people off sick. DVLA has been an utter shambles long before Covid. Passport agency will no doubt be swamped with so many now travelling and discovering the passport they haven’t used for two years is out of date. Rees Mogg is rarely right about anything. If he (or you) are incapable of working at home, they shouldn’t assume everyone else is the same.

I supplied many many government agencies over the years as a supplier. Anything like working from home, flexible hours would be massively abused.

If it is being abused in your organisation, you have a management issue. Those people not working properly at home are the ones pretending to be busy in the office.

When you see, each day, your own child struggle with the loss of a parent, you’ll go above and beyond what’s normal to alleviate any of their suffering you can. I’m not alone in wanting to smooth her path, it’s very common in widowed parents, a way of trying to mitigate the loss. (As though you could.)

We tried clubs, and her nightmares increase and general sleep deteriorated quite a lot, which made school harder and emotional regulation went really downhill. She also can’t eat at them. She’s just too anxious and nauseous. I feel that the very least I can do for her is be there as much as I can. Sure, if it were clubs or be evicted, she’d have to go. But it hasn’t come to that yet.

I do think people are equating single parent and lone parent a bit here. They are not the same. I read an article which stated that there is as much difference between a single and lone parent as there is between a single parent and a couple. This isn’t a whim. It’s a child who has half the support they need. This isn’t to say that I should automatically be entitled to holiday priority, but try to demonstrate the impact on us. Someone said I don’t know what other kids are facing, and that’s true of course, I didn’t mean to imply I did. But while not necessarily the worst thing a child can face, there can’t be many things that are worse. Can there? I bloody hope not.

That is the return to practice course! I’ll be sure to re-check, but seemed fairly clear. Lose your HPC reg after two years, basically start again.

I’m happy to retrain. I thought I’d have fewer barriers, admittedly, but I’m still up for a new challenge.

Yay! There’s at least one (its nice to know it’s not totally impossible). It might be a needle in a haystack, but that’s better than no needles!

So you do actually need to work.

That changes tbe situation massively, because you may not have the time to find the super flexible employers. I would do whatever you can to pick up agency work sooner rather than later. You can pick your hours then spend time researching something more permanent and suitable.

And yes, I have been a single parent who co-parents. And a lone parent whose 2 children were several traumatised children (not Bereavement), which is what led me to be a lone parent.

Buy I made it work. You can find something that works for you. You just need time to find it. However, it sounds like you need it sooner rather than later. Where your op suggests you could take as long as you want.

If you are struggling with 2 temporary paid arrangements now, I don't get how you can survive until Christmas when they stop soon

They should all go half days all year round, take ‘em out for a week whenever you like. Life would be so much easier for working parents!

How on earth would that be easier for working parents?!

If you're in the medical field, could you retrain as something that could be done in a school setting, e.g. school nurse

Or potentially just locum until your DD is a bit older

"I’ve a science degree, various temp office jobs, a healthcare degree..."

If you have any interest in writing, try speaking to some recruiters in medical comms - it is very hard to recruit so I'm sure somewhere, someone would take on someone term-time only. My own firm prob would only it doesn't have the resources to train someone from scratch at the moment. It can be very lucrative with a few years under your belt.

I forgot all about office temping til I saw some other posters mention it upthread.

It's so good for short term flexibility. You can take things for a week or a few weeks and then turn down work when it doesn't suit.

I'll admit it's many many years since I did this! but it was always when I wanted short term flexi. If you have office, admin, secretarial, basic tech skills etc there are agencies that will place you.

Good luck OP.

And as FragileConsequence says, medical comms. I know nothing about it personally other than a friend was employed years ago WFH doing that. Like clinical summaries. Although I think she did a scientific writer course first.

It was tongue in cheek, but this whole thread is about how impossible it is for an employer to offer term time jobs, which I do get, the country doesn’t shut down for Easter etc etc) Term times were set for religious and agricultural reasons that are now utterly irrelevant to most families that use them, yet these days both parents usually work. So perhaps term times could fit in better with modern working parents who are expected to work year round (even if part time) rather that the Christian calendar, or the potato harvest?!!!

Maybe consistency would make things easier for parents and on kids? After all, there’s pages and pages of people saying that’s what employers need! How would it make things harder? If you’re already reliant on paid childcare, it would change to fit. And if you aren’t, wouldn’t more consistency across the year and flexibility for holidays help? Teachers would lose their long holidays, but be less stressed over the year and maybe also enjoy more flexibility in their leave. (I’m just musing out loud, it’s not a serious suggestion. Nothing’s going to work well for everyone).

Hello, I’ve not rtft or all of it but a lot of secondary schools are desperate for exam invigolators. Contact your local ones. Public exams start soon. School hours.

@Flatbrokefornow Have a look at https://www.tes.com/jobs/ for school term time jobs (you can filter for non-teaching) and https://www.jobs.ac.uk/ for university jobs. Local council sites also have term-time jobs, so it definitely is possible. I work school term-time at a university in marketing, so there are opportunities there available.

@Butfirstcoffees
So you do actually need to work.

To keep a roof over our heads and not literally starve or freeze? No. To eat normal meals and keep the house comfortably warm? Now, yes. Before the recent price increases? Borderline and heading towards yes. At the end of the day, I do have some un-earned income which covers most of our basic needs. That is privilege, which is what I meant. It was never a long term strategy, though, just to get us through the primary years. I hadn’t exactly expected to just walk into a job that earns £££. But I’d hoped there would be some opportunities to get a part time career going as a lone parent. I hadn’t anticipated DD needing as much support as she still does, and term time working and a new, well paid career look to be more incompatible than I hoped.

If you are struggling with 2 temporary paid arrangements now, I don't get how you can survive until Christmas when they stop soon

There will be a redundancy package, and I’ll still have my pension. I also now have my new ‘Breakfast club’, and that helps. It’s all a bit of a scramble though. I was hoping to work towards something more solid.

It's a bit of a myth that university staff don't work when the students are on holiday. We generally get 6 weeks off per year and no Bank Holidays.

Are u a member of WAY?
If not I would recommend joining but if so ask on there as there are too many people in ur situation.

You could try the NHS where they can (depending on the role) offer term time contracts, some services may still offer working from home opportunities. Good luck- Sending you and your daughter happiness x