To basically demand super-flexible working hours

[Flatbrokefornow]

I am very privileged in that I don’t have to work to pay the bills (although only just, and not for much longer at the rate things are increasing!), but less privileged in that I’m widowed with no family close by. I’m completely on my own.

Now my DD is in secondary school, I’d like to think about going back to work, to fund a few treats and get my pension and DD’s education fund back on track, and also for my own fulfilment.

BUT, I won’t consider working school holidays. I know people do, and all power to them, but it won’t work for us, yet. (My DD has been diagnosed with anxiety, is being assessed for ADHD and has also lost her father. She’s got enough to cope with) We’ve tried holiday clubs in the past, and the effects on her anxiety are just not worth it for our family. She’s just 11, and while she (probably) won’t set fire to the house, and I’m happy to leave her for short periods occasionally, I can’t really just expect her to stay home alone all day everyday. There really isn’t anyone I can ask. Lone parenting makes forming friendships difficult, I’m an only child and my parents live abroad. I have lovely neighbours, who will do the odd favour, but that’s not exactly a solid plan going forward.

is it a non starter? I was thinking of retraining, but given the restrictions I can work, I’m not sure it’s worth bothering. Who’s going to want to employ me? Especially if any of the interview panel are blokes who never even think about childcare (and it’s common, let’s face it) and just think I’m either coddling her, or a spoilt princess that wants holidays off. I have considered working in a school, but in all honestly I don’t think I could spend all day managing children’s behaviour and then come home and manage DD (who can be very rigid and oppositional) with the level of patience I’d need and enough energy to hold boundaries with her. I don’t think that would be fair on her, or sustainable for me.

I’m currently looking at careers with flex time, working from home, or short term/part time contracts. I wouldn’t mind buying extra leave, or taking a pay cut, but my family will come first and I would leave a position which didn’t allow or follow through on me not working school holidays (in the main. The odd day will probably be doable) without hesitation. Is this even possible? How can I phrase it so that my boundaries are clear, but not sound entitled? How can I reassure an employer that I’ll do my damndest for them in my working hours, but that’s all of the time they are buying from me, and it’s not about money for me. Are my only options very casual, or leaving a job every July?

I haven’t read the whole thread but you could look for term time only jobs in a school, college or university. Obviously not just teaching but also support, admin and professional services are often term time only.

I think you would do better with very large employers such as the civil service where you would be able to apply for term time but its not something that could be agreed at interview.

From an employers perspective, why would I hire someone who will only work part of the year when I could hire someone who is prepared to work all of the year (minus AL of course)? It's a tricky one.

And Op you have come equipped across as very entitled because lots of parents are in a similar position to you in terms of childcare, through bereavement, divorce with no other family around or a multitude of other things. Unfortunately unless term time is advertised as part of the job you have no more of a right to spend the holidays with your child than others do with theirs. I'm sorry if that's really harsh.

Ignore 'equipped!'

It's been said already but there aren't many term time jobs in universities and summer in particular is very busy for admin staff.

Lots of parents aren’t dealing with a traumatised child with mental health problems caused by losing a parent. It’s really not the same as just requiring childcare. I imagine it’s very difficult. There’s no harm in asking for any job that you fancy but it would probably be better to contact them before interview so you aren’t wasting each other’s time. I’m not sure how many takers you’ll get but who knows it might suit some employers

Could you find a job that is totally from home and part time. I work exactly half time so 3.5 hours a day which is 17.5 hours a week. It is totally from home and hours have quite a lot of flex in them. During the holidays I start at 7:30 and I am done by 11 and my child is younger and happily amuses himself during that time knowing he has got me from 11 and can still do days out plus sometimes I can work extra one day and less others as long as I do my 17.5 hours a week. One day a week I have a meeting 11 -12. On that day I start at 7:30 but have an hours break with my child and still finish at 12. I would look at charities as they are often keen on home working and often quite flexible. I think saying no school holidays at all unless in a school would be very difficult to find.

However your attitude would worry me, to be honest - I'd be looking for someone open and willing to talk about possibilities and strategies, not someone who's going to say on the one hand "I've heard there are people who work all the time, but I just can't imagine it" and on the other hand "well obviously it's not worth trying". And I would be put off by someone who demanded rather than started a conversation, it doesn't bode well for their relationship management skills

I disagree. OP knows it won’t work for her and has a boundary to set. Any employer who is going to start making silly assumptions about her “relationship management skills”

I needed flexible working long before it became more common. At every job interview I said I needed to be able to work from home a day or two a week. I had my reasons and it was non negotiable. I wasn’t about to “have a conversation” with someone who didn’t walk in my shoes and have them tell me I could manage if I only tried. I told them what they would get if they hired me was a dedicated, hard working, highly experienced member of staff and what I needed in return was flexibility. They had a choice to hire me or not, I was offered every job I interviewed for. My employer is very happy with the situation and my ability to manage relationships is just fine.

No but she doesn't know what any of her colleagues children's issues are and that was my point, there shouldn't be an automatic assumption that the needs of her child are greater than the needs of another when she can't possibly know. It's an assumption.

**Any employer who is going to start making silly assumptions about her “relationship management skills” is one she doesn’t want to work with.

Honestly, I think the answer is temping, i.e. a normal job, but on a very short fixed-term contract. If you're good at what you do, you can keep getting sent to back-to-back jobs as long as you're available. There's more security in it than people think - I've met contractors who do this as a lifestyle to suit them and would never accept a permanent full-time gig. It sounds like it would be ideal for your circumstances.

What about temping? We had a temp who only worked term-time as her husband worked abroad and her son was at boarding school, so she needed to be at home during the long school holidays. She said it worked well as she could pick and choose when she was available for work.

I doubt demanding will get you any where but you are entitled to ask. Unfortunatly it won't get you anywhere as I'd imagine there are numerous staff in every organisation who would like to do the same. No employer is going to set the precedent that employees can chose this as an option....they'd have no staff left. School holiday childcare is so hard for families and it's the main reason I chose teaching.

There are other jobs in schools such as admin that don't involve as much co tact with students. What's your career history? Do you have any particular expertise?

Unfortunately unless term time is advertised as part of the job you have no more of a right to spend the holidays with your child than others do with theirs. I'm sorry if that's really harsh.

OP has every right to negotiate her working terms at interview with her employer. Everyone else can do the same if they wish. There are people in my office who are paid less than me for doing the same job. For all I know, they might be struggling financially, that’s not my fault. I negotiated my salary and they can do the same.

Dinner lady in a school? Most work 10-2 term time only.

This absolutely

And every single one of them can raise it at interview. Honestly too much crab bucket on this thread

Temping would be ideal

I mean, I was gonna recommend some super flexible roles in tech, but even they don't let you just take all the school holidays. You'd need something in a school, or you'd need to freelance and be so highly skilled and in-demand that you could just clock off and tell your clients you're off for weeks.

Holiday day camps don't hurt, even for the most sensitive kids.

There can be reasons. When my husband died I had a very wobbley few months until his private pension and other income kicked in.

The other thing you could consider is applying for unpaid parental leave. You cld get up to 4 weeks max a year (total max over lifetime of the child is 18 weeks) and in addition to annual leave, it might be enough to ride the worst of it for a few years. I suspect applying for the parental leave would be easier to manage than negotiating a term time contract.

I'm civil service and loads of people work term time only

But not all holiday day camps can cope with all children especially if they have additional needs.

Term time only jobs are a definite thing - but you should look on govt websites/local authorities/councils etc as they are familiar with this term. If you are flexible about what you are willing to do there will be opportunities. They may not be the best paid and you may be competing with others who for also good reasons, cannot commit to working a whole year (many many families cannot afford child care even with subsidies so compete for term time only posts). I think the focus should be I can only work term time but when I am here I can be very dedicated.

I am sorry you and your daughter have been through bereavement, it really is a painful experience. Good luck with your search.

School admin staff - you don't have to face the kids if you don't want to, when it gets too much hide away in the office. They don't come up very often but as you seem to be able to afford to wait, just keep an eye out for them.