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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum thinks this dress isn't right for wedding

619 replies

confusedmummy123 · 25/04/2022 22:28

Going to a wedding in a couple weeks. Saw a gorgeous bardot dress, loved it, fiance loved it so ordered it and I love it in real life too. However I sent a pic to my mum who just texted back "I don't like it for a wedding" then didn't say why or anymore? Am I breaking some kind of etiquette? Clueless about these things. Most weddings I've been too I've been the bridesmaid or the bride and don't have a clue how guests dressed. I do remember a wedding a few years back where I wore a red polka dot dress. Don't know if that was breaking any etiquette rules. I do believe that mother likes that dress though! I will attach a pic of the dress!

Mum thinks this dress isn't right for wedding
OP posts:
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14
SomersetONeil · 26/04/2022 21:13

SquirrelG · 26/04/2022 20:45

Off the shoulder dresses should only be for the bride if that is what they choose.

Why should they only be for the bride?

I can't get over all this "oh you couldn't possibly wear that in a church" posts. Are you really that old fashioned in the UK? What about the 60s/70s where people were wearing short dresses? When I was a teen the woman in my town who wore the shortest skirts was the vicar's wife.

Anyway, didn't the OP say it wasn't a church wedding?

I agree, in that no-one is going to bar you from entering the church in that dress!

But it isn’t that the dress is short, per se. Or off the shoulder (again, agree - absolute nonsense that it should only be the bride who can wear such a dress!).

It’s that it’s short and strapless, and just generally very flimsy. Which is absolutely fine for a pool or a BBQ, or general summertime wear.

Anyway. The OP has got the message loud and clear. Whether or not she opts for an alternative dress, I suspect we’ll never know. 😉

SomersetONeil · 26/04/2022 21:15

confusedmummy123 · 26/04/2022 19:10

Gosh talk about a slow news day if they have done that. I've picked another dress now. I don't think I dare to post a picture on here though, lol!

Apologies, missed some more recent posts!

Good move.

Magnoliayellowbird · 26/04/2022 21:16

It's too casual for a wedding, and shoulders should be covered. There are far better choices. Sorry but your mum's right.

2pinkginsplease · 26/04/2022 21:17

Cute for a day at the beach or a day out with the girls but it’s too informal for a wedding.

Lizziekisss · 26/04/2022 21:27

It's lovely holiday dress. It's the combo of short, plus off the shoulder ,and fabric looks crinkly cottony, plus the embroidery is quite rustic. The overall effect is very casual.

TheNewlmprovedMrsMadEvans · 26/04/2022 21:41

I think it is so pretty and young , l bet you will look beautiful in it Smile

Figgygal · 26/04/2022 21:48

Waaaaay too casual

Glad youve another

Kite22 · 26/04/2022 21:49

When I've looked all the ones I can see seem a bit mumsy.

Er.... but you are a Mum.....

However, my (adult) dc, and nephews and nieces are of an age where they are going to several weddings at the moment. When I see pictures of them (usually with other guests) despite not being parents, none of them attend weddings in dresses like that. Not sure what you are meaning by Mumsy, but all the young people I see pictures of at wedding are conscious that a wedding is a special day, and to be dressed up for (in the main - I know some folk tell guests to wear their jeans, but, 'overwhelmingly' there is an etiquette).

luckylavender · 26/04/2022 21:52

I'm not a classic dresser at all, but I think that's far too casual for a wedding.

luckylavender · 26/04/2022 21:52

I'm not a classic dresser at all, but I think that's far too casual for a wedding.

luckylavender · 26/04/2022 21:53

I'm not a classic dresser at all, but I think that's far too casual for a wedding.

SomersetONeil · 26/04/2022 22:37

I’m going to don my hard hat for this comment…

But OP, if you’re putting dresses on (especially some of the ones suggested on here), and they’re looking ‘mumsy’ …. dare I suggest, it’s not the dress….?

I can’t imagine most (admittedly not all) of these dresses looking ‘mumsy’ on a bright young thing.

FortniteBoysMum · 26/04/2022 22:42

Personally it's too short and too casual for a wedding. It's barely covering the essentials in length.

CarolElaine · 26/04/2022 23:07

I think the shoulders covered in church thing is pretty old-fashioned. The dress you purchased looks great for an informal outdoor wedding but if the venue is indoors or a more formal or high-end venue, I'd suggest asking the bride (or an attendant, or a member of the bride or groom's family) if the couple is requesting a specific dress code for their wedding - this dress would be too casual for cocktail or black tie dress code for sure.

TheCatterall · 26/04/2022 23:50

Is your mum having to wear it. No.
do you like it. Yes.
Do you feel happy and confident in it. Yes.

crack on.

as for not showing shoulders in a church…🙄 it’s 2022. We can also show ankles in public now and knees and collarbones…

Kite22 · 26/04/2022 23:57

TheCatterall · 26/04/2022 23:50

Is your mum having to wear it. No.
do you like it. Yes.
Do you feel happy and confident in it. Yes.

crack on.

as for not showing shoulders in a church…🙄 it’s 2022. We can also show ankles in public now and knees and collarbones…

Thing is, like a lot of people (probably the majority of people), the OP probably doesn't want to be "that person" who stands out for not having "got it right". If she didn't care, then she wouldn't be asking for approval on here.

We are currently 17 pages in, on this thread, and the overwhelming majority have said they don't think it is suitable for (most) weddings. The logical conclusion then is that, when at the wedding, many people there would also be of the same opinion. Now, that's one thing if you are very, very confident / have your own style that you feel really comfortable in / don't give two hoots about what people think of you, but not many people are truly like that. Most of us like to be 'appropriately' dressed for the occasion, and I'm guessing the OP is like most of us, or she wouldn't have started a thread asking for opinions.

Wintersgirl · 27/04/2022 01:05

TheCatterall · 26/04/2022 23:50

Is your mum having to wear it. No.
do you like it. Yes.
Do you feel happy and confident in it. Yes.

crack on.

as for not showing shoulders in a church…🙄 it’s 2022. We can also show ankles in public now and knees and collarbones…

It's not old fashioned to show a bit of respect in a religious building...

Shassie · 27/04/2022 01:15

You're not being unreasonable!! This is YOUR wedding! YOUR wedding! Is your mom getting married to anybody? No! You're the one getting married. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Make it the happiest day of your life. Make this a day you WANT to remember.

milkyaqua · 27/04/2022 01:17

Shassie · 27/04/2022 01:15

You're not being unreasonable!! This is YOUR wedding! YOUR wedding! Is your mom getting married to anybody? No! You're the one getting married. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Make it the happiest day of your life. Make this a day you WANT to remember.

Jesus, love, no she isn't. It says so in the very first sentence! She is a guest.

Wintersgirl · 27/04/2022 01:26

Shassie · 27/04/2022 01:15

You're not being unreasonable!! This is YOUR wedding! YOUR wedding! Is your mom getting married to anybody? No! You're the one getting married. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Make it the happiest day of your life. Make this a day you WANT to remember.

It's not her wedding, pay attention...

rainbowmilk · 27/04/2022 01:29

Shassie · 27/04/2022 01:15

You're not being unreasonable!! This is YOUR wedding! YOUR wedding! Is your mom getting married to anybody? No! You're the one getting married. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Make it the happiest day of your life. Make this a day you WANT to remember.

I imagined this comment being screamed at me, personal trainer style. Blimey. Are you a motivational speaker or Slimming World consultant?

PennyJeanGames · 27/04/2022 02:22

IMHO, It's too bright for an indoor reception, but great for an outdoors one in the summer... If it wasn't for the large flowery embellishment which will most likely clash with and detract from the weddings floral arrangements, whether the wedding is indoors or not.

Cherry35 · 27/04/2022 02:56

Pretty dress but too casual for a wedding.

SmugOldBag · 27/04/2022 03:47

The point is you might like it and you are free to wear whatever you choose. However this thread tells you that you WILL be judged for it by other guests, rightly or wrongly.
Sometimes we have to wear what is deemed appropriate according to some random and unclear rules but you really don't want to be the talking point of a wedding based on your outfit as that's reserved for the bride. That's why overly revealing and informal dress is considered disrespectful.
I agree some alternatives posted here are rather mumsy. I prefer elegant and understated (eg a lace topped shift dress) rather than floaty and ditzy but there are plenty of alternatives that are between your choice and those ones.

Micco23 · 27/04/2022 04:10

The dress is great for a wedding. Don’t listen to the people who are super uptight. Wear what you’re comfortable in. It’s cute, and these days no one really cares anyway. At least not anyone worth worrying about. Seriously. I’m 46, and have been to a billion weddings. I’ve seen it ALL. And I do mean all.

You do you. Unless the invitation specifically says “formal attire”, you’re fine.

Oh, and as a church elder, I can tell you that whether or not the wedding is in a church is irrelevant. Again, only a few super religious folks would even bat an eye. Heck, I wear sweatpants to church sometimes. Oh the horror! 😂😂😂