This probably should be in relationships, but I've posted here for traffic.
Long time poster(10 years plus) name change.
Been with DH 25 years. 4 DC. 2 older. 2 school age.
He has always been very different to me. Quieter. Can be grumpy.
However, I always felt loved.
He has always been very patient with me. I'm quite fiery and have been and can be a bit mean during a row.
I always say sorry and he always kind of not taken much notice!
We have always been affectionate. Had a good sex life. Similar family values.
He an be anti social in a obvious way if hes not in the mood and totally kill the mood. Something that's caused arguments over the years but I've also kind of accepted. When ( and only when ) hes in the mood he will be great company in a social setting.
Anyway, past couple years I feel hes becoming increasingly irritated by me. Something he strenuously denies.
He virtually never says sorry after a row( or a bicker as it mostly is) and its almost like I'm not worthy of one.
For example, he an be quite snappy and I feel quite hurt. The next day he will speak to me as normal. If i mention it, he says I'm touchy and too sensitive.
I can get this, but he didnt used to be this way.
I find myself saying less and less and keeping to myself. He seems happy with this as long as I dont rock the boat by saying things arent right.
He gets cross at this and says hes fine and it's me moaning or reading stuff into situations that arent there.
As a result, I'm rarely affectionate now. He kisses me hello and goodnight and I hardly react.
We now havent had sex for 2 months. He hasnt mentioned it .
We normally would at least have sex once a week minimum.
I've tried to say please can we talk and he raises his voice and says " oh not this again, I'm fine. Its you moaning ".
I have to end the conversation there and then as DC are always there. I even suggested going for a walk on our own to talk. He said "I'm not a teenager ".
So I just have to put up and shut up it seems.
I have had a good think and I accept maybe he just doesnt want to accept any shit from me. And he must be fed up with no sex. He must be.
I decided I would try and make more effort. I'm the past he has probably pretty much been the more affectionate one and instigated sex too.
We have just been on a family holiday and first couple of days all was great.
When we went out for dinner I held his hand. He made a joke. All seemed fine. He never made any such gesture to me. And he would in the past he would have said oh this is nice, let's try harder, let's make an effort.
One day he bit my head off in front of DC.
I had to basically just let it go, but I felt crushed.
Next day back to normal. He even offered to buy me a very expensive item I saw in a shop. It's all very odd.
Its like a vicious circle. I withdraw so as not piss him off so to speak. Hes annoyed that I'm not making an effort and then he he off with me. Which then makes me look at him and fucking hate him.
I also get the ick at times. The way he eats. Farts all of the time. Etc.
I could overlook this but lack of affection and intimacy is compounding it.
I want things to be the way they used to be.
I also want to say fuck you. I'm not living like this.
What the hell can I do?
I'm also very peri menopausal . Just started HRT. Have awful anxiety and low mood( which I can cover). The anxiety is also due to this situation as well as hormonal.