to think that some people just don't get poverty?

[Ohsoworried]

I've seen a few posts recently where people earning a fair bit of money (think around 100k a year) are complaining that they're struggling with money, don't have enough etc. I DO understand that it is all relative but equally, for people like me on a low low wage, in insecure housing, wondering how I'm going to pay rent, having to stop paying in to my pension for the extra £30 a month etc it does make me cringe a little. Things are a little better for me at the moment but it has been hard and my secondment is up soon so back down to low pay. When I left my abusive ex I was living in poverty. And when I mean poverty I mean in a refuge, no job because I had to relocate, no money for a deposit to rent etc. It's the choice between being able to downsize your house, not go on holiday for a couple of years, make sacrifices but still live comfortably etc, compared with not knowing if you'll be able to afford your bills. Of course I'm generalising and I'm sure there are people out there who are genuinely on high wages but have high mortgage payments etc who are struggling. I do sympathise. But I don't always think this is the case...

You have no idea what goes on behind anyone's front door, we live in a very nice area, full red bricked detached house, decent not new, but decent cars outside, but if you would care to pull the curtain back, I had my first brush with cancer at 18, then again at 30, then again at 51, my heart failed at 40 when I had my son, my husband is profoundly deaf, my much loved child is an only as a result of post partum heart failure at 40, then in 2019 when I thought the universe was finally finished pointing its finger at and laughing at me, I was diagnosed breast cancer at 55, You know nothing of other peoples lives.

I did clearly state in my post that I don't think everyone on a high wage is like this. I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds truly terrible and I hope you're ok now.

yep definitely on MN anyway, there was a woman wondering if she would cope as a single parent when her ex earns 110k 🙄 I have no choice but to manage and don’t get any maintenance. Some people really do live on another planet and have no idea what it means to struggle

Yabu, having been in both situations, it's not something I judge now.

Of course some people don’t get it. But it’s not a unique issue in that sense. Some people will never understand what severe bereavement is like, or what it’s like to have long term or degenerative illness, or to be disabled. Being poor is not the only horrible feeling to live with.

It shouldn’t really matter if people can’t truly empathise with other peoples big life struggles as long as they can be open minded and compassionate.

Sure. I do get that. I guess I'm more talking about the kind of people who think I made a choice not to get a super high paying job and state that we all have the opportunity to make money. I've seen this kind of comment time and time again.

I want to shake the people who think they’re struggling as they have no money left after paying the mortgage on their 4 bed house, all their bills and grocery shops, 2 cars, private school for 2 children, and clubs and activities for said children. That’s not struggling, you fools.

Yes I saw a post a few months back on netmums where the author was 'devastated' their child had only been on one holiday. I'm really not referring to people who are genuinely struggling. Just those who don't like making any sort of sacrifice and think they're entitled to wealth. I have a friend who earns 150k and her husband probably close to 100k and they were complaining in front of me about how they might have to sell their bungalow or their flat (2nd and 3rd home). It's just exhausting to listen to.

I think some of these threads are just wind ups tbh. I mean I've certainly met people who don't understand how poverty works but even they didn't say stuff like 'it's hard living on £100k' because they knew that was stupid talk.

Why are you even letting these people enter your headspace? Stop reading that stuff!

Ignore me, I was just being cranky. 😳

OP didn’t say people who are financially comfortable don’t have other difficulties. She said only that some people don’t understand what true poverty is like and she’s right. A lot of people similarly take their good health for granted.

It's hard not to sometimes. I'm only human..

I have a friend who owns 2 houses mortgage free, spends 20k a year on holidays and moans to the rest of us 'I'm so skint', when one friend is having to consider a second job to make ends meet. I just feel with everything rising in costs it will test the friend dynamics.

I do get what you are saying but there are people who earn on paper say £50k but after the mortgage/rent, utilities, childcare and essential food they is simply no money, as I'm not enough for school trips, dinner money etc which people on these incomes are expected to find. A lot of people have significant debts (other than a mortgage) too. My friend on esa and pip is certainly better off than some working people, not that I begrudge him a penny I should add

What is the point of comparison when you're down?

Agreed. I was on the bones of my arse a few years ago. I had no money towards the end of every month and was having to put essential groceries and petrol on my credit card. My privileged friend who is married to a doctor looked me in the eye and said "I know what you mean. We can't afford to go skiing this year". She is a lovely friend in general but her comment was, in hindsight , absolutely infuriating

It's not something I sit and do intentionally but to deny the fact that people might have these thoughts that of course enter their minds completely subconsciously doesn't really wash. We all have times where we have uncomfortable and upsetting thoughts that we'd be better off ignoring. Reality is we can't always do that.

Common People by Pulp comes straight to mind! Yeah totally agree, especially with all of this 'rise and grind' and 'hustle culture' going on these days.

'And would all that have been easier if you were struggling on a low wage and in insecure housing?

Wealthy people never seem to think about the fact that poor people also have terrible things happen, and it's much, much harder to deal with when you don't have money or resources.'

Absolutely this. 'Poor but happy' is pretty rare. You can have had a terrible time of it, independent of being rich or poor - but rich is better.

DH grew up in poverty in London in the 1980s. His dad lost his job and couldn't get another, despite being a skilled engineer. His mum was a SAHP. She would skip meals, saying she ate earlier, so her kids could have a good dinner. Sometimes the coin meter would run out, and they'd sit in darkness. They never had holidays, or even days out. Free school meals, uniform vouchers, even milk tokens for DH's baby brother. His dad would be at the Job Centre most days looking for work, and would get the odd labouring job or shift at the Royal Mail as a casual but it only made the family break even...then the temporary job would dry up and he'd be back on the dole again. Back then, they used loan sharks, and would sometimes have to hide when they came knocking for their money. It got paid back eventually but the interest was silly high.

An uncle would often help them out because he worked abroad for an oil company and his salary was tax free.

It affects DH now. He's always worried we haven't got enough money (we do, plus a bit left over for luxuries). He frets about inflation and will stock up the cupboards on basics to try and beat it. The freezer is bursting. He also tells DD we haven't got enough so she in turn sometimes gers disappointed when he says we can't go away (but we can't go away because my leave is allocated and I can't swap it sometimes for the summer holidays, not because we're skint). My daughter actually believes we are poor compared to her friends. I push back, constantly, on that point. He worries constantly about the electricity bill. I keep telling him we're coping but he doesn't believe me.

I have no idea where he's coming from because although my dad did lose a few jobs over the years he always found a new one. We liked frugally but went camping as a holiday or went to my uncle's caravan. My mum retrained in the late 80s and found a job in an office. It's a vastly different set-up.

You say you don't do it intentionally but you're reading something somewhere that you don't have to read that is making you feel bad. Switch off your phone/computer and read a book or go for a run or learn a new skill, stop reading crap on the intetnet that makes u feel shit

OK let me go and find my positive pants and I'll be right back!