Shaking head at me

[Namechange247]

Name changed for this one.

For background, I’m a single parent who works full time. I use the school wrap around care and there is nobody else to help me with the school run. I also suffer with anxiety. The after school club is open until half past 5.

I’ve returned to the office for a couple of days a week and arrive at school around 25 past 5 from work, or sometimes a couple of minutes before half past. On my WFH days I collect DD with plenty of time to spare.

One of the school staff is collected by their partner who waits in their vehicle outside. For the last few months, when I have pulled up to collect my child, the partner has started glaring at me and shaking his head as I pull up and get out of the car. It’s been making me uncomfortable and a bit bemused as I’m not late, I’m arriving a few minutes before the club is due to close.

At the end of this week, I left work at my usual time but hit bad traffic on the way home and after checking the sat nav I rang the club to advise I’d be 5 minutes late. I couldn’t have been more apologetic and it’s a very rare occurrence from me so they were fine with it. I dislike being late for DD and feel bad when she is the last one, so I was stressed when I arrived. I pulled up in an obvious rush and the man was there again, glaring at me, shaking his head and mouthing at me. I was anxious as soon as I saw the van as I knew that’s what he would do.

I understand the frustration if I am late, but this is also happening when I am not.

I mentioned it to the club manager but I’m not sure if anything will be done as he’s not their staff member.

How do I approach this going forward? AIBU to arrive a few minutes before club closes?

If you were constantly late then that would be unreasonable but arriving just before the club finishing time is not unreasonable, presumably you're paying for the service they're providing. Ignore him, his feelings aren't your problem.

Just ignore the loon, he sounds unhinged. Laugh inwardly at his sad little head shakes, he clearly has some weird issues.

Shake your head at him too, sadly.
what a dick he is. You’re doing nothing wrong and it’s not his business.

Are you parking legally? Not parking on the zigzags or on double yellows?

YANBU. I work in WAC, until six. I have to say - I don't love it. It's not staggeringly well-paid; it's sometimes quite stressful; it lengthens my working day - and a lot of parents seem to expect a smorgasbord of food and activities for their £2.50 ph. It's also quite hard to staff, and we are now in a position whereby we've had to warn some parents that the hours will almost certainly be reduced in September. And it is slightly irritating when the same parents collect at 5:59 (especially on a Friday evening!) but it is their right - that is the time until which it is open. (For now!). I'm careful not to communicate my irritation. So for the partner of an employee to let you know by word or deed that he's irritated at your on-time arrival? Absolutely bloody outrageous. I'd be complaining vociferously. I can think of at least six mums at my place, who wouldn't hesitate to knock on the window of his van and ask him what the fuck his problem was! 🤣

Is your DD always the last out? Perhaps this chap is under the impression that the club ends earlier than it does for some reason. Especially if the other kids are already gone.
Or maybe he disapproves of working mums. In any case, he's an arse. Wave cheerily and smile ar him. It'll really annoy him 😁

I'd be mouthing something back at him and it wouldn't be very polite! If there's a problem with your timekeeping it's for the staff to bring up with you, not some random in the carpark.

Urgh, you’re not doing anything wrong but this would make me so uncomfortable too!

I know you’ve said you’ve mentioned it to the club manager but honestly, I’d be tempted to walk in next time it happens and announce in a loud voice ‘does anyone else have that fella outside pulling faces at them?’. I know it’s not his partners responsibility to make him behave, but they probably don’t know. It needs highlighting, he sounds horrible. If that was my fella, and someone made that comment, I’d be mortified and tell him to bloody well pack it in.

Stop in front of him, check your watch and then ask "why are you shaking your head at me? I'm not late, and even if I was it would be non of your business"

I'd try and get hold of a dash cam, film a few days worth of this behaviour then hand it to the school/organisers etc.

You need to complain officially. He is on their premises and verbally abusing you.

Also I would ignore, not engage, incase he is looking for a reaction and escalates in some way.

How do I approach this going forward?

You ask him why he keeps shaking his head at you.

I know you'll say the anxiety means you can't ask him, so the next best thing would be to ask the member of staff who he picks up.

I think I would completely ignore him. Don't look at him, don't ever catch his eye, just look at the door of the building and aim for it. Act as though he isn't there.

Unless as pp said you are parking badly, he'll just have to wait.

It's not verbal abuse.

Are you parking where you shouldn't?

That was my first thought.

Middle finger?

I am in a similar position to you OP, in that I am a single parent working full-time in a job one hour commute away from my area.

Both my DC are in wraparound, so the earliest I can collect DC1 is 5pm (closes at 6pm) then DC2 from somewhere else at 5.30pm (closes at 6.30pm).

I'd completely ignore this madman if I were you. Let him keep making his faces, he'll get bored of doing it eventually.

I'd go over and ask what his issue is with you. Tell him you've seen him shaking his head many times and you'd like to know what you have done wrong.

I would smile and wave at him every time he does it. It will hopefully annoy the heck out of him.

I'd smile and wave

To answer some of your questions, I do pay for the wrap around care and my parking is legal, no yellow lines and not on the kerb. More often than not there is another parent walking in/out of school when I arrive, or inside waiting for their child to come out having arrived shortly before me. I have no idea if he does this to anyone else.

My anxiety wouldn’t prevent me from speaking to him as such, but I don’t think I would be able to articulate myself very well or assertively if I’m nervous approaching him.

Big smile and wave, every single time. And when leaving encourage your little one to do the same. That's what I'd do knowing it would annoy him. He's nothing to you, just keep remembering that, he's an idiot who is trying to intimidate you by making faces from inside a car, maybe do like my wonderful mother would have and stick your tongue out at him.

I’d go over and ask why he’s shaking his head and mouthing stuff at me. Bemused like.

How do you approach this?

You turn up at 25 past, get out of the car, give him a cheery wave and stand there admiring the skyline until 29 past when you saunter casually in.

Or you ignore him. Either is fine.