Shaking head at me

[Namechange247]

Name changed for this one.

For background, I’m a single parent who works full time. I use the school wrap around care and there is nobody else to help me with the school run. I also suffer with anxiety. The after school club is open until half past 5.

I’ve returned to the office for a couple of days a week and arrive at school around 25 past 5 from work, or sometimes a couple of minutes before half past. On my WFH days I collect DD with plenty of time to spare.

One of the school staff is collected by their partner who waits in their vehicle outside. For the last few months, when I have pulled up to collect my child, the partner has started glaring at me and shaking his head as I pull up and get out of the car. It’s been making me uncomfortable and a bit bemused as I’m not late, I’m arriving a few minutes before the club is due to close.

At the end of this week, I left work at my usual time but hit bad traffic on the way home and after checking the sat nav I rang the club to advise I’d be 5 minutes late. I couldn’t have been more apologetic and it’s a very rare occurrence from me so they were fine with it. I dislike being late for DD and feel bad when she is the last one, so I was stressed when I arrived. I pulled up in an obvious rush and the man was there again, glaring at me, shaking his head and mouthing at me. I was anxious as soon as I saw the van as I knew that’s what he would do.

I understand the frustration if I am late, but this is also happening when I am not.

I mentioned it to the club manager but I’m not sure if anything will be done as he’s not their staff member.

How do I approach this going forward? AIBU to arrive a few minutes before club closes?

I agree report that there is some strange man hanging around a school and have they noticed because the police should be alerted.

Arse. It's exactly like men shaking their head when driving. I had it yesterday from a prick who shook his head vociferously when I had the audacity to hesitate slightly when taking off from traffic lights. I was in an unfamiliar city listening to my sat nav which had taken me a different route due to a diversion. Prick.

He sounds like he's trying to intimidate you and I'd tell them this. If you were a hard looking bloke I bet he wouldn't be doing it.

I’d speak to school and say you are concerned by this strange man in a van who is hanging around at school and behaving oddly… leave it with them.

As an aside, the only possible reasonable explanation I could come up with would be that he has tics/Tourettes and the head-shaking is part of that - my daughter has this tic.

It's £7:50 for the session. So, essentially, £2.50 ph. For which some parents seem to think I should fling myself about like Neil
Buchanan in frigging 'Art Attack'. Nah, love. I'll keep your kid alive, for sure. I'll give 'em some tuna wraps or hoops on toast. I'll put 'Encanto' on for the 782nd time. I'll even permit them to get the Marble Run set out, even though it's v noisy and a bugger to disassemble. But I will not have a dedicated craft table. I will not.

It's the Care Commission in Scotland. Covers all care including after school clubs.

I ran one. You would be surprised what you have to take into consideration. Someone behaving in an intimidating fashion towards a parent and who is related to a staff member is a red flag. On many levels.

I’d give him the finger

Blow him a kiss. Or a big grin & a thumbs up.

Do you think it might be an involuntary head shaking if he is literally always doing it when you see him? Parkinson's or something?

You really don't have to look for outlandish explanations of his behaviour. He isn't listening to a podcast, or having a hands free mobile chat. He is collecting his partner who works until 5:30 or until the last child is collected. They are both hoping that she can finish early - and that isn't happening on the days you can't collect until very nearly 5:30. Now, it could be that it's only your child staying that late, I don't know. She has said to him: "Christ, it's 247's kid tonight - that'll be a 5:29 pick-up."
I've said the same to my family about kids whose parents always take it to the wire. But my partner wouldn't dream of parking up and halting at the latecomer, shaking his head and mouthing stuff at her. It's abysmal behaviour. You must say something to the office. They absolutely will tell her he can't behave like this.

I’m sorry OP, he’s just a dickhead. He wouldn’t shake his head at another man, I bet.

igonore him if you can. If not I’d wave at him with my middle finger, and smile.

Have to say, I find it rather annoying that teachers and childcare workers are so annoyed at having to stay until their shift ends. No one is picking their kid up at 5.29pm for shits and giggles, we all have shifts to work to as well

I would speak to the school, explain that a member of staff has a partner sat outside the school intimidating parents and children on their way in and out of the club. Firstly, it’s absolutely none of his business, what time you pick her up, even if you were persistently late, it would be the schools issue to deal with and nothing to do with this absolute goon. And secondly, is this member of staff okay? If he’s prepared to behave like this towards you, a stranger with whom he has no business, how does he treat this staff member when she gets out the door? Say she stays another ten minutes cleaning up or chatting to a colleague, is he then kicking off with her because he knows what time the last child left?

I'm allowed to be privately annoyed, thanks. And while they may not be picking up at 5:29 precisely for 'shits and giggles', it very definitely isn't always the case that parents have come straight from work. Frankly, wraparound care is really intended to be used by working parents, and not as inexpensive childcare. I do it having already worked 7:30 am until 3:15 pm. If I jack it in - as I very frequently think of doing - the school will have tremendous trouble keeping the it going five nights a week: we still haven't replaced the person who left six months ago, and will struggle to recruit when staff leave in September. TAs are too tired, while very few other people want a NMW job from 3/3:30 - 5:30/6.

It seems bizarre that anyone would be pissed off at someone picking their child up within the hours they themselves set 😂😂 I don’t get to leave my job early why on earth should you.

It’s obvious she’s moaned about you to him and he is pathetic, so inappropriate of both of them.

She's perfectly free to moan to her husband about work. He's the one behaving inappropriately.

I don’t agree, she can moan in general yes but I get the impression she’s identified the OP to him.

I’d be careful that he isn’t actually on the phone or something before you start making formal complaints! He may well be watching you cross the car park because if he’s sat waiting in his car for his partner there’s nothing much else to look at, so he’ll be idly glancing out the window. If he’s shaking his head and mouthing words every time, it sounds much more likely that he’s hands free on the phone rather than expecting you to lip read whatever he’s saying from inside the car!

He'd be getting some crazy eyed stares from me as I go in. Or a huuuuge smile and wave. What a dick

🤔

Well, I don't 'set' the hours - the school do. And they'll probably be shortened by about 30 mins, from next term. So I guess we'll see if the hitherto later pick-ups have to make other arrangements, or are miraculously suddenly able to come at 5/5:30. I know what my money is on. (And it won't be because they are working their lunch/doing another hour of work when they get home 🙄).

Before you start complaining, are you certain that he’s not on the phone?

He could just be a knob, there’s plenty of them out there, but it’s also really easy to mistake someone on a call for someone mouthing / talking to you.

I'd approach the manager and say that this man has been behaving in an unpleasant manner, shaking his head etc and it is making you feel he has a problem with you. Since he doesn't know you, the only conclusion you can come to is that the staff member he collects complains about you and if there is a problem here, you'd prefer to be told about it because you are sick to death of his childish behaviour.

They are set by the people that run the WAC at my sons school, did you not know the hours when you applied? It’s a sore subject because I had a lot of trouble with ours in the beginning trying to drop him off at the time they stated it’d be open from and felt like a inconvenience, I wish I didn’t have to use it but I have to go to work and it starts 10 mins after the breakfast club opens.