To make a constructive complaint about the breastfeeding midwife 4 months on?

[PinkFing]

I feel unreasonable even typing this as she was so nice and really tried to help, but….

when my dad was born it was noted he had a tongue tie. She came to the postnatal ward to help and also cut the tongue tie in a week in the clinic. Things still didn’t improve and I had sore bleeding nipples and cried every time he latched on.

after a few weeks I was still going to her clinics and she sat me down and took my hand saying “it’s ok to stop. You’re not enjoying this time with him and ultimately it’s not where the milk comes from but how you bond with your baby when feeding him etc”. She said that it was fine to use some formula and if I stopped breastfeeding entirely then it was okay. Obviously all the words a stress out mum wants to hear! But looking back I wish she’d encouraged me more and told me not to give up. That’s her job right?! I’m now combo feeding but wish someone had pushed me not to give bottles and I can’t help blaming her for not putting the pressure on. AIBU?

OP, I do feel for you as you're clearly processing some complex emotions.

These aren't the midwife's fault though.

Indeed! Some people will find anything to complain about.

OP, you're a parent now. You'll have to make lots of decisions in the course of raising your DC, which will impact their life in one way or another. Sometimes, the decisions you make will ultimately be ones you later regret; we're all human afterall. Looking outwards for someone else to blame all the time really isn't going to help you.

@PlayGIBluff OK, I'm really not sure why you are obsessing about my birth when I only came on to offer some support to the OP but I was brought up to believe that happy people don't feel the need to tear a complete stranger down for no apparent reason so I will stop arguing now💐

@Frazzledmum123 I’m sorry you feel it’s tearing you down just because I think it’s not a good idea to be ‘devastated’ by something that may have had absolutely no relevance to why you had a c-section. It doesn’t seem healthy and maybe you would benefit by talking to a professional about this. Far too much illogical pressure put on mothers by themselves like you and op. I just feel sorry for you both tbh.

It would have been really inappropriate for her to put pressure on you to continue breastfeeding. Encouragement is one thing, pressure is another.

But I feel for you because feeding your baby can bring up some very intense and complex emotions and they can be really hard to process. Please don’t project them onto a woman who was just doing her job.

Not that there’s anything wrong with combi feeding, but if you want to move to exclusive breastfeeding I’m sure you can with the right support?

YABVVVVVU

I wish to god someone had said that to me with my DS a few weeks in. I battled on for months and months to the detriment of him (he ended up in hospital as he was losing weight), me and our bond. Not one health professional said "maybe you should stop now" at any point. Someone should have said this to me. I needed to hear it. I was in some weird post natal hormonal breastfeeding tunnel and couldn't see the wood for the trees.

No you definitely should NOT complain.

It's not her job to tell you what to do. She should be supporting and guiding, not being the "voice of authority".