Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help.

152 replies

Ryza · 24/04/2022 07:42

Good Morning 👋

I REALLY need help with this one, I will try and keep it as short as possible.

My DS12 is currently in his first year of secondary school.

He has settled in very well 🙂

The issue is regarding another child in my sons class, we will refer him as X.

Just for the record, I don’t feel the least bit comfortable discussing another persons child on a parenting group.

During the first few weeks of the beginning of term, DS told me that there is a boy in his class that doesn’t come across as a nice person and that his friends and a few other boys discreetly make fun of him.

He said that he always steps in and tells them to leave him alone and to be kind, he had also tried to take the time out and speak to him, but he just tells him to go away.

That particular day, he had said that for the first time at lunch break, he spoke to X and he actually seemed like a nice person, and that he would like to be X friend because he doesn’t have any.

Fast forwarding

My mum collects DS from school, so does X mum and the pair of them became friendly with one another.

DS went to X house twice before I met mum, who seemed lovely so did X.

She let me know that X has always found it hard to make friends, never had friends home from school, and that she is happy and relieved that he has finally found someone.

During half-team DS was invited out to attend some VERY expensive activities and days out with X (very wealthy family) I let him go, because mum is lovely and I trust her with DS.

On Wednesday, DS didn’t want to go to school (which is very unusual) it took a while for him to tell me what was wrong.

X had sent him text messages threatening to kill him and our family, he if doesn’t stop speaking to his best friend which he has known since Prep.

I asked him if this was the first time he had ever been nasty to him, it turns out that it isn’t.

DS said sometimes at school, X pinches him under the table, but he always apologises.

I have asked him to write down what other nasty things X has said/done to him.

X gets upset when we play a game and he loses, so I always let him win.

X doesn’t like me playing with my other friends online, I try and include him but he says he doesn’t want to join, because I’m playing with my other friends.

X calls me stupid sometimes for no reason, but always apologises.

I believe that mum is aware of what X is like, and when I come to think about it, it’s almost as if she has been bribing my son with expensive activities, days out and trips.

He has asked me not to tell X mum or anyone else, would it be unreasonable of me to raise this issue with the school and show them the texts?
school more than likely would ask X to leave.

OP posts:
JazzHandsYeah · 24/04/2022 09:30

YABU to suggest private education will shield your DS from ‘nasty people’, but to answer your OP, go straight to school.

AchillesPoirot · 24/04/2022 09:32

Why haven't you told your DH?

Ryza · 24/04/2022 09:37

Vidax · 24/04/2022 09:30

DS seems fine this morning, I can’t even tell DH what has happened

Why are you hiding this from DH?

To be honest with you, if I were to tell DH he would go to X house and assault the father of X.

DH is not a person to tolerate any form of nastiness or bullying.

I just hope that the situation will be resolved tomorrow and we can move forward.

In the meanwhile, I think I am going to call X mum.

OP posts:
BlancmanegeBunny · 24/04/2022 09:37

Contact the school but take a breath before you go in all guns blazing demanding x is permanently excluded! It sounds as though x may well have special needs, he seems to be exhibiting classic signs of having difficulties in social situations and establishing friendships.

AchillesPoirot · 24/04/2022 09:38

You have a problem then.

Your DH is a nasty person. And you send your dc to private school won't protect them from that. What do you intend to do about that?

LoveSpringDaffs · 24/04/2022 09:40

Why can't you tell your DH?

Talk to DS, make him understand why for X's sake and everyone else's you must tell the school.

Explain that it's not just about him, it's about protecting others & getting X the help he clearly needs.

Get him inside, don't just tell him you're going to do it.

He sounds like a lovely kid, don't put him off helping others like some have suggested.

LoveSpringDaffs · 24/04/2022 09:41

Bloody phone!!

onside not inside!!

Bunce1 · 24/04/2022 09:42

Your dh would assault the other parent??!?

That must be an exaggeration surely!?

your son should not keep this secrecy from
his parents. We should not encourage our children to hide things from us. That’s dreadful and in of itself a safeguarding issue. What are you teaching your son- his dad isn’t a trustworthy person?

BlancmanegeBunny · 24/04/2022 09:43

Wow Op, just read your update!

Your DH would assault the father if he knew - I am disgusted reading that!!!
A great example to set your son and makes me question your family dynamic.

Womencanlift · 24/04/2022 09:44

So you chose to pay for an education to try and avoid the horrible bullies that go to a state school but you are living in a house where your DH first response is to assault someone. Some messed up priorities you have there OP

Qwill · 24/04/2022 09:45

@AchillesPoirot

Agree, I would be more concerned about the short temper and violence from the father as this is the son’s main male influence. Assault being the first response is not a normal reaction, neither is being scared to tell your partner anything due to fear of violence. No amount of private education (not sure why the OP thinks private education will weed out the ‘undesirables’, I can tell you it doesn’t!), will make up for what the son is experiencing at home.

Ryza · 24/04/2022 10:08

I have just had a phone conversation with Mum.

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 24/04/2022 10:12

That was unwise.

Parentcarerandcrazy · 24/04/2022 10:12

AchillesPoirot · 24/04/2022 09:27

Private school won't ever protect from nasty children.

If x has special needs then he needs support.

Absolutely this. He is an 11/12yo child that clearly needs some support, rather than exclusion or judgement.

tomatoandherbs · 24/04/2022 10:13

Bowing out
op fanning flames, ignoring advice

missmarplesapprentice · 24/04/2022 10:16

I know you’ve said you’ve spoken with the mum. But please (no matter what she has told you/asked you to do) make sure it is reported to the school. They need to be aware of this regardless.

Whiskeypowers · 24/04/2022 10:18

Ryza · 24/04/2022 10:08

I have just had a phone conversation with Mum.

The worst thing you could have done

you ought to have assembled everything for a calm but serious discussion with the Head Teacher first thing tomorrow morning.

i hope your comments about the assault in this individual’s father is an exaggeration or you have other problems you need to deal with too

Qwill · 24/04/2022 10:21

This reply has been deleted

This post was deleted for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

itsgettingweird · 24/04/2022 10:26

Ryza · 24/04/2022 09:25

Yes it’s a selective private school, DS is a day student, we chose private education for DS to protect him from nasty children like X

It makes me wonder why X even got offered a place, surely there must have been problems at his previous school?

It all makes sense to why X has never had friends before; and I don’t understand why mum hasn’t got to the root of the problem.

DS seems fine this morning, I can’t even tell DH what has happened!

Selective means academic.

You have been extremely naive thinking that academic means nice. Private education is filled with people who often have no understanding of normal ways of life (you've mentioned wealth) and therefore have not learnt social norms (as you've mentioned they buy ds with expensive trips)

But you need to go to the school. You need to give them a chance to deal with it and make it very clear that you can and will go to the police if needs be.

LuaDipa · 24/04/2022 10:31

I wouldn’t have spoken to mum I would have let school deal with it. Although in my own experience exclusion is an absolute last resort and isn’t generally used as a response bullying. More’s the pity.

Ryza · 24/04/2022 10:43

I am not drip feeding, if you want to ask any questions please go ahead, I just want to keep things to a minimal.

In order to apply for the said school, they required reports from DS previous teachers.

I have spoken to mum, I wish I never called her because I now feel sorry for her.

She has said that this is NOT the first time something like this has happened. X has always had resentment towards his peers and children around the same age.

She said this is because he has low self esteem he has never been a confident child, due to never being the child at school that people want to be friends with, and his friendships do not usually last long due to him becoming rather obsessive and controlling.

She was crying, I told her I was planning to raise the issue with school, she said that I don’t have to do that, and she could remove him herself and have him home schooled (she seemed pretty genuine, but maybe she is trying to make me feel guilty)

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 24/04/2022 10:45

As if she's going to remove him from school based on a phone call from you.

What does your husband think of you phoning her?

PonyPatter44 · 24/04/2022 10:46

Weird manipulative kid has weird manipulative parents. Whodathunk it?

VanGoghsDog · 24/04/2022 10:54

Death threats should be reported to the police.

RealBecca · 24/04/2022 10:56

we chose private education for DS to protect him from nasty children like X

To be honest with you, if I were to tell DH he would go to X house and assault the father of X.

Unbelievable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread