Page 5 | To think relationships cannot last without sex

Lockeddownagain · 2022-04-23T09:15:25+00:00

I was reading an article that said some relationships work without sex. I'm so interested in peoples views on this. So voting is yes it can No it's can't

housemaus · 23/04/2022 20:26

Plenty of relationships last without it. For me it wouldn't work, but everyone's different and it depends so much on the partners involved.

If what you mean is, relationships cannot last where one wants to have sex and the other doesn't - then yes, I agree. It almost always becomes a much bigger problem.

benevernomore · 23/04/2022 20:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

That is clearly not what I am saying and it really quite silly and irrational to think I was. But it speaks volumes of your understanding of relationships and the role that sexual connection plays as part of a healthy, loving relationship that you needed to interpret it like that.

benevernomore · 23/04/2022 20:42

Blossomtoes · 23/04/2022 20:12

You started it. If you don’t like it, don’t be snide.

Show quote history

Well to be fair, it was you who set the tone by contemptuously and dismissively reducing sex to ‘stimulating genitalia’ which is pretty and directly rude to those on this thread describing the importance of sex.
I replied in that tone set by you.

Blossomtoes · 23/04/2022 20:46

Well to be fair, it was you who set the tone by contemptuously and dismissively reducing sex to ‘stimulating genitalia’ which is pretty and directly rude to those on this thread describing the importance of sex.
I replied in that tone set by you.

I didn’t actually. It was someone else. And I was talking to @dumdumduuuummmmm, not you.

If everyone stopped being bitchy to one another it would be nice.

Smartiepants79 · 23/04/2022 21:02

benevernomore · 23/04/2022 20:32

That is clearly not what I am saying and it really quite silly and irrational to think I was. But it speaks volumes of your understanding of relationships and the role that sexual connection plays as part of a healthy, loving relationship that you needed to interpret it like that.

Show quote history

I think the point that this thread proves that lots of couple don’t need sex for a ‘healthy and loving relationship’.
It seems to have an important role for YOU but that does not mean that all other relationships are somehow lacking or failing because they don’t require sex to make them feel close to another person. Your suggestion (whether you intended it to or not) seems to be that people in sexless relationships are all doing it wrong and somehow lying to themselves about their happiness.

ParisNoir · 23/04/2022 21:34

Smartiepants79 · 23/04/2022 21:02

I think the point that this thread proves that lots of couple don’t need sex for a ‘healthy and loving relationship’.
It seems to have an important role for YOU but that does not mean that all other relationships are somehow lacking or failing because they don’t require sex to make them feel close to another person. Your suggestion (whether you intended it to or not) seems to be that people in sexless relationships are all doing it wrong and somehow lying to themselves about their happiness.

Show quote history

No, that wasnt her suggestion at all lol.

Her suggestion was that both partners be on the same page about it- which is what most people have said in this thread. Otherwise, it could lead to issues if one person wants sex and the other never does. If neither partner wants sex ever again then there's no problem is there? they are entirely compatible in that area.

The issues arise when one person wants to have sex and the other doesnt ever want it. In those cases, there are likely to be issues and there could potentially arise an occasion where one person is tempted to stray as a result.

gannett · 23/04/2022 21:50

Well I don't know how much sex most over-60s are having but what I've learned from this thread is that they all seem to talk to each other about it, judging from the amount of posters who know all about their social circles' sex lives or lack of.

I have no idea how much sex my friends are having. Sometimes it's vaguely hinted at but no one goes into calendar-level detail. And I'm not really interested!

Josette77 · 23/04/2022 22:18

I consider sex a necessary part of my health. I think it tends to be unvalued. Orgasms help our mental and physical health. I'm the only one who can give my partner that feeling and I love that.

YouAreNotBatman · 23/04/2022 22:36

I would love a sexless relationship.
Love and romance and companionship, without the sex (I’m repulsed by it, so would destroy me if I had to have it).

Win-win.

Yep, that would be a dream…

OffMyKloud · 23/04/2022 22:47

Of course it can work if both partners are on the same page about it; no sex or sex twice every day … it’s all ok if the couples are on the same page.

WhenTheNightFalls · 23/04/2022 22:49

I don't think it's all that common to be honest.
Long spells yes but none altogether, I do not think so.
Not a problem for us, been together 14 years with 2 kids. Still very much attracted to him and him me.

GetThatHelmetOn · 24/04/2022 08:09

SueSaid · 23/04/2022 17:43

'Why are you saying this when numerous people have just told you the opposite? There are many long marriages which have become sexless and both parties are entirely happy with it.'

Yes well I'd be interested to hear their dp's side of the story tbh. Just because people have to accept a situation does not mean they are happy with it, rather they love someone so have to put up with it. People are very naive to think otherwise. You hear so many stories of 'they left me after 30 happy years together, I had no idea'. They did have an idea they just didn't want to address it.

That x 100

benevernomore · 24/04/2022 08:10

Smartiepants79 · 23/04/2022 21:02

I think the point that this thread proves that lots of couple don’t need sex for a ‘healthy and loving relationship’.
It seems to have an important role for YOU but that does not mean that all other relationships are somehow lacking or failing because they don’t require sex to make them feel close to another person. Your suggestion (whether you intended it to or not) seems to be that people in sexless relationships are all doing it wrong and somehow lying to themselves about their happiness.

Show quote history

if you read what I have ACTUALLY said you will see that I have very clearly stated on this thread that relationships don’t need to have sex if neither partner wants sex. It’s where for one person sex is an important part of the relationship but the other can’t / won’t have sec that there is a problem.

benevernomore · 24/04/2022 08:43

Blossomtoes · 23/04/2022 20:02

if they think it's all about genitals and 'getting jiggy'. It is far, far more than that. To desire someone and have an intense connection

You can have good sex without describing it in Mills and Boon language. 🤣

This is you not being bitchy, is it Blossomtoes?

TimBoothseyes · 24/04/2022 08:47

SueSaid · 23/04/2022 17:43

'Why are you saying this when numerous people have just told you the opposite? There are many long marriages which have become sexless and both parties are entirely happy with it.'

Yes well I'd be interested to hear their dp's side of the story tbh. Just because people have to accept a situation does not mean they are happy with it, rather they love someone so have to put up with it. People are very naive to think otherwise. You hear so many stories of 'they left me after 30 happy years together, I had no idea'. They did have an idea they just didn't want to address it.

Well I am the DP in this situation.

We used to have amazing sex back in the day but, through no fault of his own, that has all stopped. It was more difficult for him to deal with than me. He told me I should leave him and find someone else but I'll tell you what I told him. When we got together it was the man I fell in love with not his penis. Nobody has or will make me feel like he does either in or out of bed. Nobody will look at me the way he does and I will never love anyone as much as I do him. Why would I leave him and settle for somebody who will never (in my eyes), be as loving, kind, and gentle as he is. Why should I resort to 2nd best just in order to have sex. You mentioned in later posts about intimacy. I will never have the kind of intimacy I have with him so with anybody else it would be just sex and that is not what I want. If I am ever to have sex again it will be with someone I love and I will never love any man as much as I love the one I have. If sex is more important to you than love, intimacy and utter contentment then I feel for you as there may come a time (accident, illness or whatever), when for you too, the sex stops. Does your partner/husband mean so little to you that you are willing to walk away because he can't perform anymore? Because if you are then I find that very sad.

SquirrelG · 24/04/2022 09:23

A relationship without sex is doomed. Anyone who believes otherwise is extremely naive.

That may be the case for you, many others on this thread say otherwise. Sex is not the be all and end all.

SueSaid · 24/04/2022 09:23

@TimBoothseyes I've clearly said barring ill health and other life events that put physical contact on the back burner.
We are talking about people who just choose not to, who think it is fine to be in a relationship without any intimacy and think their dp is happy with the situation, people just put up with it because they have no choice. Until they happen to meet someone who they are attracted to and the person feels the same way.

'If sex is more important to you than love, intimacy and utter contentment then I feel for you'
Sex is part of love, intimacy and contentment, all very much linked. You've no idea what trauma and illnesses as a family we've endured I'm not some smug person who has never had to deal with challenges. Quite the opposite.

Blossomtoes · 24/04/2022 09:52

benevernomore · 24/04/2022 08:43

This is you not being bitchy, is it Blossomtoes?

Show quote history

You think that’s bitchy? 😂

elliedoodles · 24/04/2022 09:57

Blossomtoes · 23/04/2022 18:16

I respect that, but you said "its the norm". Actually, it isnt

You don’t respect it at all. It’s the norm among the people we know of a similar age. We’re just about the only couple who still share a bed.

Sharing a bed isn’t just about sex. I’m writing this while snuggled up with DH and the cat.

GWMENA · 24/04/2022 11:04

I personally think a sexual connection is a huge part of any relationship. If the there is a breakdown of sexual connection it leads to other problems within the relationship.

I have this problem in my own relationship, I have a higher sex drive than my wife, I work away a lot and I’m only home 4 months per year, in blocks of 4 weeks. But, when I’m home I do like to make the most of the intimacy time, where’s she is content with once or twice per week for the four block of time we are together before spending 2 months apart again.

When we are apart, there is zero sexual connection, photos, etc.

Very frustrating.

RiverSkater · 24/04/2022 12:10

I'm in a sexless relationship. I don't love DP. I'd like to leave, life too short, I know it. Practically, we live in a very expensive area (it wasn't 20 years ago!) and I'd have to uproot kids from school to afford anywhere else ( DD suffers from anxiety) and for what? To possibly meet a man (I never had them lining up frankly) to possibly have some good sex ?

So here I am. I know I'm not alone. DP is happy with family life. I think the sex was just to achieve that for him.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 24/04/2022 14:59

@TimBoothseyes If sex is more important to you than love, intimacy and utter contentment then I feel for you
It's more correct an analogy to suggest 'if smiling is more important than love etc' or 'if a loving gaze is more important than love' or holding hands or communicating. No one thing is more important but they are all things that are important to most people in a loving, intimate relationship. If your life partner were to lose the ability to smile or go blind or lose the ability to speak that is different from if they just stopped wanting to do these things. If your partner were to suffer a stroke or become paralysed that is a completely different situation to a partner who just unilaterally decided that they didn't like touching you. Or communicating with you. Or looking at you and the. Just expecting you ti accept that.

Ionlydomassiveones · 24/04/2022 23:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

mmmmmmghturep · 25/04/2022 02:23

Its when the intimacy and connection has been lost as well as the sex that you run into problems. When you have a couple who dont touch each other, dont even hug , its only a matter of time before someone seeks out an emotional connection elsewhere and sex may be part of that.

Shoxfordian · 25/04/2022 06:27

Relationships can work without sex but not without intimacy and communication flowing between you both all the time.