How many sexual partners is too many?

[Ajay96]

Hi, I'm looking for personal opinions and/or experiences here, no judgements made.
How many sexual partners is too much? And would u judge someone with a high number, especially if they were a potential partner?
A recent conversation with a friend sparked this debate. As a 31 year old single mum, professional careers, bought house etc, who lost her virginity at 16, had a 10 year relationship with ex (completely faithful), however also had many one night stands during my single years. This happened mainly out of avoidance of commitment etc, therefore in total I have slept with around 45 people, including many adventurous experiences along the way. I'm not ashamed of this, as these moments good or bad, were my choice, where I learned many different things. I'm pretty open about my past etc, however I could tell my friend was shocked and although played it down was judging my character for this. I've looked online but numbers were extremely low for average amounts so was curious and wanted to ask real woman x

A friend of mine has slept with over 300 people, she has some mental health issues thought and has on occasion put herself into situations I consider dangerous, such as having a threesome with 2 men she has just met in a hotel bar. I don't judge the number of people she has slept with but I do judge when she is not looking after herself properly

I can’t imagine having this conversation with family! How on earth does it even come up?! I certainly wouldn’t want to know the numbers of people in my family!

Doesn’t mean that future partner has to answer, someone can ask, personally I wouldn’t answer and if they didn’t like that would be for them to deal with not me.

I completely agree with you. I was rather intoxicated for a fair few of mine, but ensured these were people I knew and done safely, so I do feel at ease for that. I do hope your friend sees her worth and makes more positive choices soon. It's hard as I did have others judge my actions but that made me rebel more, I changed when I felt it was right x

Yeah that sounds more reasonable although I think, ‘more than Madonna, less than Lady Di’ has a ring to it 😊

I’ve had two. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18 though and am now in my 30s.

I can say I’ve never given it a second thought as to how many sexual partners other people have. It honestly doesn’t bother me at all. Why would it?

Pyri, I mean more along the lines of being open about relationships etc. My mum and dad have a colourful past (I was conceived from a three some ) so sex was never a taboo for us. I was also open and honest with my mum about sexual partners, especially when I stayed at home, she was there to support me and give advice etc. This meant I didn't rebel, took precautions and was always safe x

Actually the only person who I have really been aware of beyond my husband is the person at university who was showing off about his number of sexual partners, slept his way round as many people as possible in term one and then claimed to have slept with 100 at some point in the first year. I didn’t really give that a second thought beyond everyone finding his gloating quite funny.

It doesn't bother me at all, it was just curious it's after a recent discussion I had. Realised that it does effect others perceptions of u and your character x

See I think I’m fairly liberal but I don’t think it’s appropriate to share with a child that they were conceived during a threesome. I don’t think the boundaries here are quite right, sorry OP. No need to share sexual partner numbers with your parents at all.

That's interesting to hear, was this a male? I've heard many men brag about their number but shame a women for also having a high number. I've experienced men who didn't want commitment while we were chatting etc, so they actively seen other people but I wasn't supposed to and made feel bad when I did. Definetly felt like was one rule for men and another rule for women x

That’s the thing, I find it bizarre that anyone would have any perception of another person based upon it. Maybe I’m naive but it doesn’t impact me so I don’t think it’s any of my business.Xx

Yes, male. He thought it was some sort of trophy but I think he read the room wrong as the people he was telling really weren’t the type to be impressed either way.

The double standards are ridiculous and is another way that women are held up to a different expectation than men. X

Pyri, although I've knew since a young age about this, I do agree it didn't need to be shared when it was. However years later this was important information, due to my dad (one that brought me up) having serious genetic heart disease, with potential passing to me I had to know for certain, and if I wasn't told then I would've went through years of tests for nothing. Turns out, other guy, family friend is my bio dad anyway. I don't feel any different knowing this, it was consensual sex anyway, plus I'm here so was worth it x

Couldn’t tell you my number but I reckon it’s higher than yours.

It’s nobody’s business except yours though. I’ve been married a good long while now, so no new notches on the bedpost but my sex life became his business when we got together, anything that happened prior to him is not his concern and that’s the same for any new partner you might have.

Your past is your past. This is private. You should not feel embarrassed or ashamed. Anyone, who judges you is wrong. My number is less. Dh is probably higher.

I also think you should be careful who you divulge this to irl. I do not like the term losing virginity, especially as it is often used with disdain against women and pride with men. The same mentality is often used with number of sexual partners, men being studs and women being slags.

I can't stand that, you could increase youse number easily so it's no achievement.
Mibi one day this will change lol

I have never answered the question, and don't actually see how the number itself could be relevant to a future partner.
I can see how a partner would want to know if you've previously slept with his friends, or if you have a sexually transmitted disease, or if you've had sexual experiences which might have caused trauma that they might trigger... but the number itself? No one else's business.

Totally agree here. My best friend had previously slept with my ex partner, was few years prior to us getting together, but was nice to know. We did joke about it often right enough, didn't change my relationship with either at the time. Do u think you need to disclose previous STIs etc? I've never had one but out of curiosity. Catching one doesn't necessarily mean sleeping around, my friend got one from her boyfriend cheating, so disclosing that may give wrong impression of her. X

I don't know my number, just a vague range. I probably could work it out.

I don't regret my number but I do regret some of the encounters. Those times when you're vulnerable, not really in the right head space or it's all a bit risky.

I have friends who have had many partners and some who've had 1. No judgment at all. It really pissed me off in my youth that women were so heavily judged.

I know a guy who still says he wouldn't have a relationship with someone who's slept with lots of men but he would have sex with them. What a dick.

With a new partner, I wouldn't be bothered about the number. It would be more whether he's respectful, whether he's cheated, does he get tested regularly, practice safe sex.

This is exactly how I view my own experiences aswell as potential partners background. Cheated before is a no go, I could never trust them x

I'm 34 and have had around 32-35, not sure the exact number. My best friend has had around 70 but never had a long term relationship until she was 30. Another friend has had 4 and is now happily married so hoping that's it. Were all fine with ours and each others numbers - I've no idea why people love to judge. The only one of us who's ever had an STD is the one who's had 4 partners - she caught chlamydia from her ex cheating. If a new partner asked me I'd think them very insecure/ judgy and it would put me right off them.

It's hard because everyone's life's are so different. A friend of mine caught STI in similar circumstances, she felt awful about it, mainly due to stigma, judging her as if she was sleeping around etc x

Prince Andrew

It’s only too many if you think it’s too many, never compare yourself to others.